The last blog of many.

I was out running yesterday day thinking about life in general and I got a beam of sun through the trees. This really was an interesting sight. It was falling leaves, barren branches, green grass, and frost on the ground, I could see my breath, and the sun was warm, all seasons at once. I could hardly see. It was beautiful and also sort of dangerous. I had to turn around for a minute to adjust my eyes, the park looks just gorgeous this time of year. I turned back into the blinding confusing light run my course home, because I needed to go there, home. It would have just been easier to run away from the light but that's not my style.

  I am back to running around like my crazy self. I am working out, and running again. I am back at it. I haven't been blogging because I haven't had anything to say. I have been thinking. I don't have a future really planned right now for a race, even though previous plans stated otherwise. I am becoming a fly by night runner, always trained signing up at the last moment.... I am not injured, and I am sure as hell not quitting.

 I am one pound from my original goal weight of 155. This could happen tomorrow morning. It could happen next week, it may never happen. I may go right past it. I know balloons aren't going to fall from the sky. In fact, I am kinda sad. it's been 4 and a half years.

things I learned from this:
1 Being honest will change your life.
2 If your are uncomfortable with yourself you have no excuse not to try, it's more awkward for everyone else when you won't try things because you feel inadequate.
3 laugh
4 smile no matter what
5 if you are sad you shouldn't eat.
6 if you are scared, anxious, angry, don't eat.
7 food is not a pacifier.
8 fast foot will kill you.
9 human spirit is amazing.
10 consistency is so important. I maintained several times it was so frustrating!
11 any chubby kid can become a marathon runner if they want.

This is my last blog. I am going to leave this up for any one who wants to read my misspelled rants, it was a party the whole way through. Even if only a handful read it I have felt really loved and supported through everything, thank you, I love you.

I do, Love you guys.

still working on computer tablet is wack have a lovely week

reorganization

So this week I mentioned I did not take a day off. ERH MEH GERD. After the race, walked to the car, washed at the hotel went home and went to my bed. I didn't really sleep I just laid there. My mom made us dinner at my house and I ate stuffed peppers and mashed potatoes in my bed, and watched transformers with my guys. Before I knew it, it was time for work. Nothing fit. All of my clothes felt too tight. I just put on my ugliest set of scrubs and resigned to I.D.G.R.A and at least I was going. It's all part of the race I think. Can you run a marathon, walk to the car, and then the next day do your life as normal? Yes, yes I can but I felt like garbage. I have really slid through this week by the grace of god where it comes to just keeping up with life. I was fortunate to be at a desk this week and I felt relaxed and ready to do my job, but the rest-er forget it. It's all been like leadshoes have been on my legs. Cleaning, nope. Shopping, nope. All I could do to help the shorties with dressing and doing homework. It really had been a test on my mental strength, I am just tired now not sore at all. I am feeling much better now, almost like I am ready to hit the gym but I am going to stay out a few more days. No running for 20 more days. I am resting from running 26 days. I have lost 5 lbs this week, sure to be fluid retention from the race, my legs are still feel a little puffy. Clothing is starting to fit better, not quite there yet. My face swelled a little this time too, odd.

This weekend is dedicated to damage control, I get caught up around here. I am calling my girlfriends too, it has been too long.

onward...soon.

The Erie Hat Trick

I know I left you all hanging for a week but girlfriend had serious issues getting it together. I did not miss a minute of work this week and I dropped my computer on my foot sunday evening, breaking it. It's dead waiting for new parts. So here's a synapse of my 3rd full Marathon from sunday 9-15-13.

Saturday night getting to Erie and trying to scrape together my wits went ok. I wasn't prepared 50 percent. It had been busy adjusting to the start of school at my house, dealing with the kids and the new change in their lives will change everyone elses as we attempted to do first grade homework and figure out a routine we have been met with some resistance, naturally. I hadn't really packed, or shopped. By saying this we even had to buy soap in Erie because we were out, busy, amen. I describe myself as pigpen doing the freak, I have been, disorder heightens my anxiety, girl has been trippin'. So at the dinner table, we chose Boston's restaurant, I cried. I felt guilty all year really for my new job, it's been rough on mom, the kids are well adjusted now I still feel kinda sad, I am sure I was put up to the marathon to really snap me out of it, but sometimes it makes feeling guilty amplified...So I cried talking about it. I bring it up because I think that's what's changing my whole demeanor. I am trying so hard, the running hasn't hurt me, it's helped, but everything still a little off. Thus my quietness. We went back to the room sullen and quiet, hubbs stayed up for ever trying to update my playlist while I slept.
I woke up with my alarm, we got up like firefighters dressed and jumped out the door only to arrive super early. We heard enrollment went way up we wanted to be prepared. We had time to sit on a picnic bench and freeze in the dark together, it was fun. The race started and we all ran down the road like we normally do. The first 10k was pretty good. I loosened up finally. After the first 8 miles it became a party. It was a lot of fun, I think this is the point I just started to sing aloud with my head phones. Not just a few words I mean just belting it out. I think something temporarily snapped, I let me be me and it had been too long. I was getting eyebrow raises and smiles, yes this girl just IS crazy, and HAPPY. At the halfway point before I crossed over the chip timer there was a crowd I slowed a little to look for my family, they kids might be there at that point, but they are small 6 and 4 years old I wasn't getting my hopes up, I didn't see them I crossed the timer pad -beepbeep and kept on, figured they had to go potty or wanted to see the water. And then, I saw them.  Sitting on a curb with hubbs and my mom and I let out a sob. A dry one, but a sob. It was so good to see them. They didn't look bored at all, they were excited. I stopped and kissed each one and all of the sudden I just felt great. I kept singing the whole way. I was never alone the whole race there was always someone to talk to, I met some really cool people. When they would ask me how I was feeling I would tell them "I am great, my babies are here today"! It charged me up. At the 3rd 10k point they were there too. As I continued at that point I met a lady named Laura, she was a marathon maniac she tours the country on the weekends with her husband and is in a club that runs all 50 states. Her husband has MS and they are just running as long as they can, he wasn't with her, he's faster. She really made mile 22 and 23 easy. She was cool, I can't believe she does all that, I think one marathon a year is tough. I would like to share she is 60. I think she is tough as nails. At mile 23 my personal favorite water stop with a winnebago and a sound system was playing club music, I actually stopped and shook my groove thang for a moment. At this point I thought my GPS watch was not working right, I was making ok time, probably just pushed a wrong button like at Pittsburgh. I kept on, I felt great, I sang the whole marathon. And I became a cheerleader at the end. I was cheering the others I passed waving my arms. It was great.
The Finish was the best part for me. The kids were there and my mom and husband let them run with me through the finish line. The both had blackeyed susans pulled out by the root for me and they were so excited. I will never forget that. And I hope they never do either. They made it so much better than finishing any marathon could ever be. I just hope that maybe think someday they can do big things too. I don't think I can find the words to express how cool it was or how much I love them.

I just want to thank my husband and my mom for being there and helping me pull this off.
 I also appreciate my in laws for watching our dogs while were gone, that's a whole other rodeo!

ps. I was faster this year. My chip time 5:12:55. Over all clock 5:14:01. last year was 5:28:31. Very impossible seeming to me, I trained like shit. But I was just on fire that day. :)

7 days to go

Why don't you run a marathon this year?
 I don't know, because it's just a lot from everyone.
 I know but you love this.
I do.
We'll make it work. Come on.
Ok. Twist my arm.


It was pretty much that easy to get me to sign up for Erie this summer, I wasn't going to. I was put up to this, a surely did not resist. Since that decision life has been water through the fingertips, slipping right through my fingertips. It's funny, because I am still deciding whether this was a good idea or not and it's almost over.
At this time next week I will already be on my way back home. It's less than a week away.
                               I am ready.
I often encounter people that say "I don't know how you do it" and this time I agree. I don't know either. My typical day is an early rise of 5, I get my self ready, I wake my kids and feed everyone, I pack 4 lunches, I have 3 dogs to deal with, I get my kids ready, then I drop one child off in one town, and one child in another and go to work. after work we do the same exact thing backwards, pick ups, go home, feed everyone, deal with animals, bath kids, dress for bed, unpack everything, and then THEN I exercise, and bed or just bed depending on the child care situation. Weekends are more fun and laid back when I do my distance training, and I do cleaning and fun stuff with the family, and buy more food units to consume. I don't watch tv because I sit down and fall asleep. I am not complaining that's just life right now. I will keep the pattern too once the race is over and the rest is done.
  But I do think this may be the last long distance race I do for a while. Kids just keep growing, it's their time to be kids. I will have 2 soccer players this year. I plan to run the shit out of this race, I am not going to be singing any should of could of would of's. This will be the one I lay it all out there.  I have felt tired and "over it" for a few weeks now, the one thing that keeps me going is that those kids are going to be there this year for the first time, and some day maybe, just maybe they will think their old mom was cool.

it's nothing full of nothing covering in nothing.

So what I am doing today? Nothing.
How far I have I run since Sunday? Nothing.

I was intentionally resting to taper down but my life caught caught in the spokes this week. I missed 2 runs this week. I couldn't get it in. There was not enough time on my scheduled days. One of those days I had a migraine, and I am not improvising this week. I already did way too many miles in one week the last week, and I have my farthest distance behind me. With all that being said, I feel lazy and like a blob of gu.

I plan to do 10 miles tomorrow and then 2 more short runs and that's all I have left before the race. 

Onward......eventually!!!!

22tude

Well I am doing just fine.
I did my 22miler that I very much doubted I should do. I went at a slower pace and from 15 on I stayed on the flat walking track and off the road and trails, I did it. I was in fantastic mood. Finally I feel  ready to marathon. Legs feel great.
Yeh, I was in a fantastic mood. Has something happened since then? No, not really. I am just starting my 2 week taper countdown and already I am becoming the little taco bell dog that bites people the try to pet it. I am not exactly sure why. I am still smiling, I am still civil, but my inner monologue is getting dark and sarcastic.

Same girl just tired and a wee bit more salty than normal....
           Today at the grocery store I wanted to get apples. A lovely lady with an adorable child where taking up the whole isle with a giant race car cart and they completely ignored my need for apples. I crop dusted them in cold blood. Mind you I am burning off some putrid fumes from Sunday, it would make a skunk's eye water. I am sorry, mom and child, that was me. That's really unlike me, I mean, yes it's like me to fart but, that was evil intent. I am also sorry for laughing too when you checked your child's diaper for poop.

 Taper has started with it's usual 'tude. Disclaimer: contents of package my be too hot to handle!

Big deep breaths, clamp down on tongue, maybe even cork both ends.
onward.