I have been holding in some serious emotions lately, I have some free time today and I am about to spew it all over the keyboard. Stand down people. Not a mush fan click away from this one.
I start a new full time job Tuesday. I am going to work in an office. I am really excited about the position actually finally something I really want to do. For the last 6 years every job I have selected has been child/mommy minded and not really completely my professional choice. This opportunity has presented itself, pretty much found me, and I have no choice but to accept. This means I have grown as a person and a mother. Even last year at this time this would have been unspeakable. It's been creeping up on its own. I have been bored. (ouch that's hard for me to admit because that means I wasn't the perfect mom or donna reed-ish housewife- wince through the teeth). If you read back though, last year at this time I got a puppy, um can you say bored an glutton for punishment? Thats a third dog, even I knew I needed something else. I let it stew for a long time but I have been ready to go back to work and really throw myself in, but I was totally unable to explain it to myself.
This year I sent my first to kindergarten and my second and last to daycare. This week the second has started fulltime at daycare. It's not going too super at this point. This morning was dramatic, I cried on the way home. I am not working today, but I am trying to get him used to this. Naturally I am a mess and I feel guilt. He needs to adjust to this just as I will too. I got home and started my crazy cleaning as I do on the rare instances that I am home alone with myself. I was doing the dishes and noticed way back in my cupboard something blue. I reached my whole arm back on my tip toes and pulled out a first stage sippy cup. The tiny kind with 2 handles. It was Judes. We don't use those anymore. The boys sit at the table and drink from a cup now, I thought I pitched them all. I picked it up and cried, hard. Not a good day to find this thing and then place it in the garbage. I looked at the calendar, I don't have any extra hormones.... in case you are wondering....hubbs.... I just really love them. The last few years have been an honor to be their mom, and as the path winds around the bend and turns up hill I know I am still being their mom and it has just gotten slightly more difficult temporarily.
The good thing about up hills, they make you feel alive at the top.
Through the next few weeks I resolve to smile and not wallow too much. It's time for this. But today I pitched the last of the last sippy cups and I am feeling it.
