the 22 kind of tired.

Yesterday I reached the peak of my training goal. The 22 miler. Even I thought maybe that was pushing it but happy to say here I am on the other end in the first day of my taper. On my porch blogging as I entertain the misquitos with my blood. I am too tired to get up.
Yesterday I got up at 5 am ready to conquere this task. And it's the end of summer and I spent a good hour and a half waiting for sunrise, I should have maybe slept in a hour but I didn't.
 I got to the track, first one as usual every saturday this summer. It's a little chilly but i can tell it's going to be a nice day. I called mom before I got out of the truck, I was worried about something. She assures me to get going. I get ready and tell myself to focus. It's not hard to get a runner going for something this worked for but I will admit the worrier in me is hard to carry along. I focused on my music. I hate to skip right to mile 10 but I literally struggled to settle down the whole time. At one point a certain song on my MP3 player actually made me cry. I just kept running, crying, snotting everywhere trying to find  a reason to not run in the other direction in panic mode. I just kept telling myself this was part of training, to endure, to go on, and to CHILL THE HELL OUT.
 At mile 11 my stomach got nervous too, and I had to take a dump. When your stomach does yoga you stop thinking so much. You start to concentrate on your continence. Disclaimer: we are going to toilet humor...stand down. I finally then decided not pooping my pants was more important than worrying and I finally dropped mindfreakmanda off near the pottys and vowed to pick her back up when I was done. Finally a portajohn I yell at myself this  is a horrible long run I am not going to make it. I hop in and hop directly out. Ewwww. Yep not happening. I go running across a field cheeks clenched praying to making it to the latrines.  This poses issues. Porta John is a single stall with a locking door. Latrine is not its a hallway with two about 12 feet deep holes in the ground with a toilet seat on them. Someone could definitely walk in on 12 miles of pent up frustration.  It's not a pretty site. It's a sweat women in full marathon dork gear. In a hover squat with a fuel belt out of breath and taking a 12 feet drop poop. I can imagine it would sound like a discus thrower tossing rotten tomatoes into a cement wall. At the times I am forced to use bathrooms in this manor I am always grossed out and can't wait for a shower. It's also funny, I am aware. I am going to laugh about these character building experiences  After I got myself back together I continued on. For about 2 miles or so I was thinking Oh garbage I will have to go all day, but I settled down and didn't have to make any more trips to the nasty holes.
There isn't much to say about the second half except I really enjoyed it. Honest. Something clicked and I smiled. I enjoyed the day. I would run playing crazy thoughts as I usually do. I would run around the massive horse turd and think yep horse turds still there. Then I would run over the bridge up the hill and back again step over a dead mouse baby and think oh it's a fetus with diabetus, poor fetus. I ran past/over it 4 times thought it everytime. I makeup funny little names for people at the track. I don't know them by name but I sure look at them enough to know them. Theres Champ he's there every Saturday, a personal favorite. Then there's dog in a stroller lady. Then there is the white Jamacian runner, she is always there she is uber fast.  There is Ma and Pa poodle walkers. And my not so favorite Jean Nate' herself. I don't like running past her ever. There is a time a place for perfume, that's just not it. The park maintenance guys in red trucks, Haus, Huckleberry, Gumboliath, and Larry the maintenance guy. They see me and they look weird at  me every time cause I see them more than once like at every shelter hours and hours, I know they think I must look just like me. They do a good job, they even got rid of the massive horse turds before I ran through the last time, I appreciate their service especially since they clean the latrines that I often um visit.
The last 18 I was still going pretty well, just getting tired and taking dumb walk breaks. I decided to pull on the company of others. I talked with a nice girl for a quarter mile and it was fantastic I really appreciated her company. I carried on when she left. Then at mile 20 I started stupid walking again. Some poor guy trotting along I pretty much begging him to pace me. He was really nice about it, his name was Ken I told him what I was going for and he stayed with me. I told him to go on after a while but he told me it was okay that it was nice to talk to someone he didn't have ear buds in I can imagine that would be true it can get old listening to nothing. I soon realized I was going faster than I thought I could go at the end of 21. I slowed and waived him on told him I needed a quick drink and walk. He slowed down ahead of me. Somehow I decided the last quarter mile I was going stark raving mad and decided I should pass him and then try to race him. I think he let me win. When I pushed stop on my garmin he asked to see the distance for proof. I got a DANG and he kept on. I really appreciate the help I am usually not social, dehydration will do that to you.  I even let out a OH YEAH. for people to hear. I told him I won't believe this when I remember it but I am kind of tired.
I finished up ate some food and rested before I drove home.  I didn't feel awful or like my legs were falling apart. Just happy and tired, and glad I got over myself.
So much has happened in the last few weeks. I have had to concentrate on new developments, tragedies of friends and work, I have a hard time feeling like myself. And there is the whole my babies are growing up kindergarten and preschool and this is the last week of mommy and her boys on my days off. Yesterday I felt like me, I miss her.
I am surprised at how well I am doing physically this year. I find I don't know the secret but it's all coming along. It's a good thing, I need it to be my good thing.  I am aware my running is starting to be a reason to make fun of me. It's okay  really I love that it's becoming the way people associate me and not the chubby girl. I would rather be the crazy runner girl please and thank you if you wonder if it bothers me no, but I have been sharing less and less because I am aware that I am a "freak". I continue to be the happ happ happiest freak I know, jokes on you. :)


Get Over It, by Ok Go (at it to your workout playlist)

Reassesment.

So today I had my life insurance physical for the second time. The first time Jude was roughly 6 weeks -2 months old and I weighed 250ish(mind you not my all time high). The findings of this first visit showed me I wasn't as healthy as I thought, and my blood pressure was elevated. I had to sign an addendum stating that if I lost weight I could pay less.
I have to say this first visit saved my life. I couldn't bear the though being the one to cause less time with my beautiful kids by dying a preventable death. The night I got the news I went for a walk.

Now for three years I have maintained this extra payment partially because I have been too busy to deal with it and the other part, I'm just not quite done yet. 155 still is not in my grasp. I still am trying for the 150's.  But I gotta stop paying so much for something if I can help it, so the insurance person came today.
It was fun to watch her very careful take my blood pressure over and over. "Does your blood pressure usually run low?"  I smile tell her I am training for a marathon and ask just how low. 78/42. I got this stupid smile on my face as I watched her face go from worried to just simple whatever your a nutcase. I continue with the grin. She took my blood and my pee and packed it up in her tacky suitcase and left.
I will hear soon if they are happy with me. 5'6" 166lbs today. I thought I was 5'5" but she used a tape measure. Its all very strange feelings for me.

20 miler?

So I've been quiet lately that's cause I am really tired and equally busy. Yesterday I went out for a 20 miler, I think, I mean I paused my garmin at 18.30 and ran 1 or 2 more miles and couldn't tell you when i finished. I collected my butts scooped them in the truck and made it home for an ice bath in which I cried. I had so been looking forward to this I love the iamsuchabadass  feeling and I feed off it. And this numbers monkey can't deal with maybe, so I was going for 20 but I don't know what happened.
My legs feel great. Even today stairs- no problem I even did a sprint in the rain at the grocery store with no issue, impressive how good I think I feel. But I do have some extra riders this week that probably affected this run. 
One extra issue some lung crap. Been dealing with homes of cat lovers and avid smokers all week at work  in the mist of probably some kinda cold and ragweed growth outside I have been sniffling and my eyes look red all the time. I have been taking benedryl at night to off put some allergy hell and help my regular antihistamine. 
The Other, I apologize fellas, but I got my monthly visitor that morning. Any chica knows the first day of hell week is not the day for a 20 miler. I do not reschedule for such silliness I drag my butts to the park. But I have been feeling extra drained, this is why. There is no magic anything even the excitement of a training peak to pull you away from mother nature, she can be quite the cranky beeoch. And it also makes for some pretty interesting chafe.
There is always some crappy ass excuse for 'not feeling it' with a run I try to overcome. But sadly I don't think I did. At mile 18 I was thinking of grabbing one of the many runners passing me and begging them to pace me for company for the last 2 I was really feeling that bad.  I probably pulled at 19+ miler but I can't say I got clear to 20 it was foggy at this point.
The good news I am ahead of schedule. Next weekend is a 50 cutback and will be a 10miler  and then 2 weeks from now, A weekend I work mind you, I am doing a 22 before I start my taper. Trying to avoid jello legs at 25 if I can help it. But I feel like I have failed so far hopefull that gives me a little more steam in my engine. I am trying not to be bummed, and to be thankful I am feeling so good legs wise, I don't even know where my foam roller is right now and that IS amazing. God is good to these legs trying to not loose sight of that.

Bigcitydreams, NeverShoutNever

see this computer...i'm using it!

I found myself just now standing in my kitchen for the first time in about 2 weeks were I was feeling a little relaxed and interested in finding something to do. The boys asked, mom can we go outside and play? Why yes sons you may, and you see this computer here, I'm going to blog on it, on the porch! Kinda like the swiffer commercial.
It's been a busy couple of weeks. The mileage was no sneeze in the running a 16 then a bum rush of pinkeye(kid 1) a nurse's bladder and then vacation bible-school and a busy and very confusing week at work then 18.7 and more pinkeye(kid 2) and then finally just see the waters start to get a little smoother. I did not take a 50% cutback like I normal do in between those distances to promote a little more rest because I have to work this weekend and there is no time for an 18miler. .I will find time for a 9er though someway. I expect to be stupid busy as usual,I also am hoping to make it to a cousins bachelorette party even just the pre-party to support the fun. My new job is a ton of work, I knew that taking it, still haven't figured out a perfect schedule for a work day yet. As soon as I can get geared to that home dynamic I think I will be able to handle more stuff. The running really should be the source of making everything more pressed for time but really I still feel it calms me down so I have more focus and patience, so the training stays.
 The weekend work thing is NOT a complaint! I am excited to say this is my first weekend since mid March, our family sure has been enjoying the together time as we grow as a group. I think I have changed for the better challenging my safe lifestyle. Now it's so much more complicated but everyone is happier, I didn't think any of this would happen. I couldn't see past my fears, I am so glad I took a chance. I love my family they are worth any uncertainty for myself as long as it guarantees them security.
How's my diet doing? well....I remain at 164-165. I am trying to maintain or loose the last 10, but I do have a 20 miler and a 22 miler before my taper, I am realistic I could gain a few I am going to try my hardest to not let that happen.  Still keeping a food diary I rarely finish it completely on work days because I have to do so much paper work I confess to eating a ton in the most recent weeks, I am STARVING. I don't know why I but sure have  the appetite of a lumberjack. So my main objective on days I don't have time to track my food all the way until bedtime is to beat back the lumberjack.

I need some help guys....I am trying to decide on making another marathon shirt if I should just be cool and not do it. Suggestions? And my playlist getting repetitious now that the runs are getting longer I will take some song add suggestions please!!!

my song suggestion for you this week: 
Lights, Ellie Goulding

my fortress of solitude

Today was my 16 miler and it flew by. I am tired and overwhelmed lately but I couldn't wait for Saturday morning this week.

I learned something today although clothing is fitted, and engineered for exercise, and the correct size, does not mean it will look and feel okay during a 16 miler. I wore a fitted tank top that insisted on being removed the second step I took. That was a rookie mistake not testing it first, so i ran the first 3.5 miles with a really irritating shirt on. Every few feet I had to pull it down to prevent it from scooting up over my dang head, and this is with a fuel belt on! I got back to my truck and I had one shirt inside that I changed into, sadly an all white long sleeve running tee, but I would rather wear something proven to stay in place even if it is a wet tee-shirt contest. (rainy and sweaty) The 16miler was needed and if that is what I had to do to salvage it I was doing it. So picture if you will me completely soaking a long sleeve tee on a 3 hour and 12 minute run yes thank god for bras, sorry to offend!!!  Lesson: some exercise clothes are made for looking good doing nothing. LEARNED

After I got comfortable in my skin the minutes ticked by fast. I look down at my watch and not one time before 15.5 miles did I wonder how long I had left. Today I wore the trail rated shoes on the gravel and uneven roads and through the grass and I think they did pretty well, now I am starting to debate on whether or not run my next marathon in them. I will just have to keep on debating though, that's part of training trying things and finding out they are good ideas or bad I guess.

Around 12 miles I found myself getting hungry and a little delirious I'll admit because I suddenly thought everything I thought was hilarious. I passed a chips ahoy wrapper/container on the side of the road and I looked more than one second and thought- wow too bad there isn't one left I haven't had one of those in like forever. Then I started kinda giggling. When I past the empty Busch beer can and I thought that looked good too I actually did laugh out loud. A couple passing runners went buy and I gave a "wassssaaaaaaaaauuuup" yeah time to get off the road and stay to the track for the last few miles, by then I forgot I was trying to hide because I was wearing an almost clear shirt with a nerdalert fuelbelt. By the time I made it back to the track I only had 2 miles left of 16.

I didn't really even hit the wall until about 14.5 I ended up running right up behind a sweet old lady pushing her Yorkie in a stroller who just happened to be smoking a cigarette. The smoke slapped me into reality ewww why would you do that here? Yess, yes smokers actually do exercise too but that's not cool for us ex smokers that have pretty decent asthma. So next time just wait feel the burn then light up please!

I made it all the way to 16.1 with a goofy grin. I love running and  I love training, wet tee shirt contest and all. I would just like to point out I was a little scared that 16 miles would be a painful run. Last year my 16 miler was the point that my IT band flared and I had to take an injury break and see a doctor. I realize that it could and probably will come back but I need to just enjoy the ride. I am trying to prevent what I can by strength training and hill work, if it happens it happens. I guess it's a good thing I don't have time to make this anything but fun.

running song of the day
Best Song Ever, The Ready Set

bustin a rhyme

My mp3 player is now MIA. Completely AWOL, can't find it, got another on order so this morning in the humidity with belly full of gluttonous picnic pig out I went in silence for 6. I started making up Marine Corp style chants (so as you read echo back) to myself here are a few...

I don't know, but I've been told,
this humidity is getting old.
Ate to much on 4 July,
now my tummy wants to die
I feel a rumble in my gut,
I hope I can still hold my butt.

The say it's too hot to run,
Bein a wuss limits your fun. 
All day long I need a shower
I still need to run for another half an hour.
Bein a runner is an art
You need to learn to not trust farts

sound off
gotta poo gotta poo, gotta shit!

Now I'm walking for a bit
my butt is clenched I need to shit.
I ate too much on 4 July
If I poop my pants I'm going to die

sound off
people nearby 1, 2 nearby!

Maybe next year I keep control
so I don't have to do suicide patrol.
I have to poop so bad I have to puke,
nothing rhymes with that but papa duke

sound off
hot out here, 1, 2, gotta shit!!!!

I could go on forever but you get the hint!!!!!!!!!!

void of brain

Lately I have been trying to keep up with life. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and spin my wheels and evntually I start botching stuff up. This has started a serious of events...these are only a few that I can gather in one sitting.
It started with a footstep really. A footstep on a creaky floorboard in one of my patient's houses. That hurried unplanned step some how made a 2liter bottle of root beer to fall off a table and crack open and spray everywhere. By everywhere I mean 10 foot mushroom cloud including ceiling, yep oh sheeet.
Sometimes I feel like I am on Candid Camera, it really is funny but I am still embarrassed. Just getting to the houses at work from my car I have been tripping and dropping things. It's not my favorite to be unfamiliar with stuff. I like to be in control it's hard for me to learn new things and meet new friends. At work someone said that magic erasers where coming out with a mop I actually said really loudly "SHUT THE FA" i wanted to say shut the front door but I almost said a office no no word when I really didn't want to. I really wanted to just shrivel up and die. This is the same group of ladies around that where there when I accidentally shut the light off on my boss while she was using the ladies room.  I love a good laugh but I like to be the one telling the joke not being the joke.

 Then a particular doosy last week during my 14 miler, my mp3 player stopped working, or so I thought halfway through the run. What I did was stuff if in my fuel belt and keep going. I finished my run, in 7 miles of silence. I kept thinking to myself how nice it would be to slap myself in the face for sweating on it too much and breaking it. I was so angry and irritated, long runs up and down the same old road get old fast without tunes. When I got done, turned in my player to my husband and he happily reports to me that it still works and I won't need a new one. Really????! yes really I could of had tune-age.
Most recently yesterday taking my kids to daycare I completely drove past the exit and had to continue and turn around and backtrack. Then after a really strange day full of blunders and bloopers I fell asleep until I heard thunder. I woke up to the rain and realized the sunroof was open on my adorable little bug car and was full of water. NOOOOOOOO. I cried for a good while before I could go back to sleep.
I feel lost. I feel busy. I am just trying to get my bearings, I don't know why I feel so panicked. Someone asked if I should let the marathon training go for now. My answer is no. It's probably only thing right now that I cling to as normal and the one place I can go to if I want to visit my happy self. So there. I may not always be blogging, but as long as I can I will be running, and I thank god for that.