Okay. I HAVE changed some. Yes I am still stubborn. There is no talking to me about most, but I have learned by experience that some days it would be smarter to just go home than to continue on a long run when I feel pain coming on. Yesterday I was to complete 8 by the book I used, 10 by my standards and plans, I ended my run at 7.5 miles. I am needing a break. I am not sure whats up with me. I could be getting sick, It may just be the huge influx of pollen/golden rod allergies, or a little bit of burnout setting in. Something is funky. Last time I felt yucky I didn't listen I got schooled.
Yesterday I felt my Hip complain to my knee. I know that pain, it's IT band syndrome and it was only mild yesterday, a sign I need a break. Mentally and physically right now I am feeling wiped out. I am spreading myself a little too thin and I have letting my thoughts get negative. The last week I have been cranky, not very interested in food, and extra tired with no extra sleep. I am getting all sensitive as I do when I am beat up tired too. Everything gets to me and I get sarcastic.
At the 5 mile mark when I stopped to fill up my bottles, I reached for the tiger balm and untied my stretchy black pants and rubbed my sore hip with it, basically showed part of my butt cheek in public. I was also having to use my inhaler, a sign I am not having the best run. I took off down the road and some where before 6 miles I decided this would be wise to turn around and call it for the day.
Reasoning being 20 miler is up next, and I have nothing to prove on a 50 cutback week. This is about recovery and rebuilding. This was also a test of mental toughness. Surrendering for a day for the greater good is not something I find easy. I came home to shower, Hubbs, surprised to see me so soon, took one look at me and tears came. Yep sensitive and just tired. I laid around with my little ones and watched Disney Jr., took a nap, went to a car/plane show....moping everywhere. Hubbs took me on a nice date too, bought me new clothes, fed me good food and took me to a drive in movie. And I promptly fell asleep in our turd of a minivan and he ended up watching a double feature alone.
I woke up less upset and feeling less sore today. I can attest to feeling like quitting completely yesterday, I even discussed it with Hubbs. There is just so much in my life right now, it doesn't feel very smart at this point. That's all part of it though, it's go time, and it's almost over that's why it's getting ugly up in here. I am not hurt, just pooped, I am still going.
I have a plan. No work outs only stretching and ice until at least Wednesday, I may rest all the way up to Saturday if warranted. I will be foam rolling again, and working on sleeping. My diet lately has been good but I am going to try to extra hydrate and eat clean. I am considering not weighing in for a while. My weight has fluctuated so much over the last week even, 6 pounds last week up and down again. My current low water weight for the last 2 weeks is 162- also super upsetting. I was 156 in May!!!! My legs are enormous, I am hungry all the time, I want to loose weight not freaking gain it. I had this upsetting problem last year. This the mental shit that stacks up on the marathon CON list. My body is preparing. I am taking a mini break for a few days, hoping to cash in on the rest benefits for both body and soul.
So I bailed yesterday, and then I cried, I thought about quitting, today I am not doing any of those things.
Onward.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
a quick....18.
Yesterday I got my 18 done. I feel just fine. I felt a little slow being under the weather with my period but I am actually a little faster than last year. After the run, ice bath, shower and rest we went to a pig roast. Today I am doing all kinda crap I haven't been getting to, cleaning out my purse, laundry, organizing, preparing the boys for school and such. So I feel a little puffy/a lot puffy but I am kinda surprised how lazy I am not being....
I am sure I could of written a few stories about yesterday but I am going a motor on, I am nesting for the school year.
I wish you all peace on your Sunday.
Onward
I am sure I could of written a few stories about yesterday but I am going a motor on, I am nesting for the school year.
I wish you all peace on your Sunday.
Onward
Monday, August 5, 2013
a contact high of awesomeness.
Tonight. At the gym. After a plain old boring ass day. Work- typicalness, kids- up to the usual cuteness, dinner- spaghetti night, gym after kids bedtime- obligatory pms I am uglychunk set of run and weights. I really have been feeling just okay. Getting in my rut, training is going just as it should, other than a few minor physical hurdles it's been routine, I have been in blinder mode. I let myself goof around tonight and sing while I ran on the treadmill because I would rather be outside dodging bugs and sunshine than in the gym near the weights that I hate to do. But if I do legs and abs once a week, I consider that runners injury insurance so I do it. Ramble on...ramble... I made it fun, considering the every 3 step tug at my drawls, capris growing to pants...always something to do to make the treadmill less boring. I call it -keep your pants on and up and don't let anyone notice.
Looking around, on the treadmill, yanking my pants up I see a new face come in the door. It's a guy, a big guy. He's wearing a work uniform and he goes into the dressing room. He comes out dressed to work out and I pay attention. He's new. He's being shown around the machines. He's also really obese. I watch as he goes through the machines and does reps. I find myself really impressed. He's serious about this, my heart grows for this guy. I want to run over and throw my arms around him for just coming in the door, and watching him struggle brought back so much for me. I kept about my business but I watched him out of the corner of my eye. I had been working out for about an hour, and he's still here working hard, I smile at him- probably too big.... be cool manda....don't scare him.... I fight the urge to introduce myself. He's kicking ass, in my opinion at this time, he should be close to done but he's still fighting. I started to get electric memory flashes of the beginning of my battle, trying to run on the side of the road, people yelling rude things at me. This battle is one I still fight. STILL. (damn the last 5)I always felt alone at the gym. ALWAYS. I walked over. I introduced myself. I asked if he started tonight, he tells me this is his fourth night, I congratulate him, tell him I am proud of him, and hit a fist pound. I felt stupid, but he deserves the encouragement. I struggled to get in that gym door for a long time before I got up the nerve to walk through it. I kindly nod him out the door and stare off, a back of someones shirt said "We came here to conquer", yes dude we sure the hell did. Anytime you need a friend at the gym, I am it, I respect your journey and I thank you for reminding me of mine.
For many reasons I let myself go a long time ago, it's the past, but it's still resonating. I remember feeling so scared to try, but like I had nothing to loose. It was hard to see myself as everyone else did, but once I accepted that no lie I told about my weight would protect me from what others could see or make me like myself, I chose honesty and it changed my life. Tonight I watched someone embracing the same and I have to tell you I am still inspired.
So here's to big dreams. Never Give UP.
Onward.
Looking around, on the treadmill, yanking my pants up I see a new face come in the door. It's a guy, a big guy. He's wearing a work uniform and he goes into the dressing room. He comes out dressed to work out and I pay attention. He's new. He's being shown around the machines. He's also really obese. I watch as he goes through the machines and does reps. I find myself really impressed. He's serious about this, my heart grows for this guy. I want to run over and throw my arms around him for just coming in the door, and watching him struggle brought back so much for me. I kept about my business but I watched him out of the corner of my eye. I had been working out for about an hour, and he's still here working hard, I smile at him- probably too big.... be cool manda....don't scare him.... I fight the urge to introduce myself. He's kicking ass, in my opinion at this time, he should be close to done but he's still fighting. I started to get electric memory flashes of the beginning of my battle, trying to run on the side of the road, people yelling rude things at me. This battle is one I still fight. STILL. (damn the last 5)I always felt alone at the gym. ALWAYS. I walked over. I introduced myself. I asked if he started tonight, he tells me this is his fourth night, I congratulate him, tell him I am proud of him, and hit a fist pound. I felt stupid, but he deserves the encouragement. I struggled to get in that gym door for a long time before I got up the nerve to walk through it. I kindly nod him out the door and stare off, a back of someones shirt said "We came here to conquer", yes dude we sure the hell did. Anytime you need a friend at the gym, I am it, I respect your journey and I thank you for reminding me of mine.
For many reasons I let myself go a long time ago, it's the past, but it's still resonating. I remember feeling so scared to try, but like I had nothing to loose. It was hard to see myself as everyone else did, but once I accepted that no lie I told about my weight would protect me from what others could see or make me like myself, I chose honesty and it changed my life. Tonight I watched someone embracing the same and I have to tell you I am still inspired.
So here's to big dreams. Never Give UP.
Onward.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
TAPS for P.I. Warmers.
I am happy to report there has been no recurrence of migraine yet. Today I played smart. I was up at dawn for my 16. I was actually chilly enough to wear my arm warmers when I started cause the sun was just up. I was determined to not let it get ugly. I have been having some belly issues, and I really don't want or like food right now, but I was right on point with my fuels and hydrates and I even ate jerky every 5 miles.
This bellyache stayed with me the entire time. I eventually told it to wait in line, and ignored it. Until about mile 5. I had to go it would not be ignored any longer. It was a matter of asking myself did I want to spend the next 2 hours saying igottapoopigottaigottapoopgottapukeshootshootshooootme or did I want to just rip the bandaid off. I grabbed a portapotty it's foul, lets do this, quickly. I get done and there is no toilet paper. NO. 11 more miles left, expletive insert here. I look around and sigh, do I really want bumcrack chafe? Finaly snap decision I exit the porta potty one less pearl izumi arm warmer....really. Comfort is key, for days and days to come, another running first. If I told 6 years ago me that I would poop in a portapotty let alone, do what i did...I would get mad and walk away. Why do I share this? Because I am a little left of normal, not quite in the suburbs of nutty, and I thought it was funny.
I saw almost all my brady's run runner friends today. Saw some four mile crew, I smacked Jenn on the butt before she saw me, and on the way to 14 Cherish popped out of nowhere said hello and really lifted my spirits. I love that duck poop encrusted park, I feel peaceful there, its home. It's beautiful right now too. I took time to look up and around. A light rain came in around 14 and keep going until I finished, I actually thanked God out loud, he spoils me. I am healthy, legs feel great, and still in the game.
Attached is a picture of my first purple nail. This toe did not bother me at all during. It still is not tender, can't wait to see all the colors it turns. :) I am such a freak!
Onward 16.5 done
This bellyache stayed with me the entire time. I eventually told it to wait in line, and ignored it. Until about mile 5. I had to go it would not be ignored any longer. It was a matter of asking myself did I want to spend the next 2 hours saying igottapoopigottaigottapoopgottapukeshootshootshooootme or did I want to just rip the bandaid off. I grabbed a portapotty it's foul, lets do this, quickly. I get done and there is no toilet paper. NO. 11 more miles left, expletive insert here. I look around and sigh, do I really want bumcrack chafe? Finaly snap decision I exit the porta potty one less pearl izumi arm warmer....really. Comfort is key, for days and days to come, another running first. If I told 6 years ago me that I would poop in a portapotty let alone, do what i did...I would get mad and walk away. Why do I share this? Because I am a little left of normal, not quite in the suburbs of nutty, and I thought it was funny.
I saw almost all my brady's run runner friends today. Saw some four mile crew, I smacked Jenn on the butt before she saw me, and on the way to 14 Cherish popped out of nowhere said hello and really lifted my spirits. I love that duck poop encrusted park, I feel peaceful there, its home. It's beautiful right now too. I took time to look up and around. A light rain came in around 14 and keep going until I finished, I actually thanked God out loud, he spoils me. I am healthy, legs feel great, and still in the game.
Attached is a picture of my first purple nail. This toe did not bother me at all during. It still is not tender, can't wait to see all the colors it turns. :) I am such a freak!
A royal pain in the.... head.
So a few 2 weeks ago I did 14.5 miles. It was a hot day. Nothing seemed right, I felt tired and mother nature was having her way with me. It got done, it was ugly. By Monday I started to feel kinda weird, after lunch I got dizzy. Then nauseated. By the time my coworkers took me home it was the worst headache. I laid down on my bed. I did not moved, eat or drink for almost 24 hours. This bought me a stay in hospital infact, I lost a few days, i really don't remember too much. I didn't/couldn't eat, was probably dehydrated, and my headache was a migraine. I got an MRI of the brain, I was told the plumbing was fine, and was given medicine for it. I made it back to work by Friday. You better believe I was wanting to know if running made this happen, I was worried it did. And I am terrified that would come back, I really want to know if there is anyway to know what causes them. Really there is no way to know until they happen more, a touch and feel sort of thing. Because there is not a cause that medicine is aware of, but you can do things to provoke them. I took the next weekend easy. I ran/walked 2 miles with my dog. I was so afraid it was going to come back. Its long gone and I feel totally normal. It's just weird how that happens.
I thought for the longest time the term migraine was baloney, nope its a whole different zip code of pain. I am have been gansta style humbled.
I thought for the longest time the term migraine was baloney, nope its a whole different zip code of pain. I am have been gansta style humbled.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Kicking a bird
Well Happy July to Y'all.
We went away the next day after the thigh-gina monologues. I am happy to report camping with my family went off with out too much drama, well except for the two children waking up with pink eye that morning of the day we left! I love going out of town to hold my kids down to give them drops, I am sure the sounds from our cabin were that of bloody murder. We went anyway. We also took my mom and brother along for weekend and we(hubs and I) offered to sleep in a tent to make room in the cabin. It rained both nights. I slept out doors, in the rain, on the ground, more specific on a rock.And on Saturday morning I managed to fry my runners farmer tan with a sunburn. The weekend seemed to be doubtful of any chance to do my 12 miler. I felt like my butt was behind my ear all night, and I still had to sling smores and crap home on Sunday. We finally make it home Sunday, dump every bit of garbage down in the middle of the floor and I forced my rock dented ass out the door. 12 done and done.This next week was much warmer, and muggier. We had a shorter work week and had the forth of July traditions to celebrate. On the holiday the kids each sustained little injuries, that had nothing to do with fireworks! (a dog bite for one, and 20 splinters for the other). I was guilty on the fourth of having several patriot jello shots because frankly it would be unAmerican not to. Later that night we took the kids to the fireworks for the first time. We got there 10 minutes before scheduled kick off time and pulled up just to see the finale go off, they must have started them earlier because of possible bad weather, at least they had no base for comparison to be disappointed! They thought it was magical. HA!
The training is still going off without issue. This last Saturday I cracked out 7 as planned, gearing up to do 14 this weekend. I think I am a little tired just from the last few weeks. Sleeping out doors with this chick's allergies doesn't help either, I am sure my immune system had to call out the swat team to fight all the crap in my system, it's probably slowing me down. My legs feel great, the lungs don't always want to go. We have had some shitified air quality days and I have had to bust out my inhaler and walk during my run. During my long run this week it was pudding thick air. I think I got a little delirious, I didn't really relax until almost halfway through. In a fit of dehydration or something I was trotting along and a robin hopped on to the trail from the bushes. I nearly missed it with my foot. I didn't try to kick it, let me be clear, and I did not kick it. Matter of fact in my delirium I started to secretly panic. Oh my god I wonder if it's illegal to kick a bird? I like birds, as long as I am not out numbered. I almost kicked a freakin bird! That's awful, what are you laughing at? You sick beeoch you think that's funny. You need to get your ass home and drink some water. I hope a bird kicks you back. Yeah really I thought that. And sadder still, I keep thinking about it and smile a little because it is just so outerlimits.
I love marathon season.
Onward.
We went away the next day after the thigh-gina monologues. I am happy to report camping with my family went off with out too much drama, well except for the two children waking up with pink eye that morning of the day we left! I love going out of town to hold my kids down to give them drops, I am sure the sounds from our cabin were that of bloody murder. We went anyway. We also took my mom and brother along for weekend and we(hubs and I) offered to sleep in a tent to make room in the cabin. It rained both nights. I slept out doors, in the rain, on the ground, more specific on a rock.And on Saturday morning I managed to fry my runners farmer tan with a sunburn. The weekend seemed to be doubtful of any chance to do my 12 miler. I felt like my butt was behind my ear all night, and I still had to sling smores and crap home on Sunday. We finally make it home Sunday, dump every bit of garbage down in the middle of the floor and I forced my rock dented ass out the door. 12 done and done.This next week was much warmer, and muggier. We had a shorter work week and had the forth of July traditions to celebrate. On the holiday the kids each sustained little injuries, that had nothing to do with fireworks! (a dog bite for one, and 20 splinters for the other). I was guilty on the fourth of having several patriot jello shots because frankly it would be unAmerican not to. Later that night we took the kids to the fireworks for the first time. We got there 10 minutes before scheduled kick off time and pulled up just to see the finale go off, they must have started them earlier because of possible bad weather, at least they had no base for comparison to be disappointed! They thought it was magical. HA!
The training is still going off without issue. This last Saturday I cracked out 7 as planned, gearing up to do 14 this weekend. I think I am a little tired just from the last few weeks. Sleeping out doors with this chick's allergies doesn't help either, I am sure my immune system had to call out the swat team to fight all the crap in my system, it's probably slowing me down. My legs feel great, the lungs don't always want to go. We have had some shitified air quality days and I have had to bust out my inhaler and walk during my run. During my long run this week it was pudding thick air. I think I got a little delirious, I didn't really relax until almost halfway through. In a fit of dehydration or something I was trotting along and a robin hopped on to the trail from the bushes. I nearly missed it with my foot. I didn't try to kick it, let me be clear, and I did not kick it. Matter of fact in my delirium I started to secretly panic. Oh my god I wonder if it's illegal to kick a bird? I like birds, as long as I am not out numbered. I almost kicked a freakin bird! That's awful, what are you laughing at? You sick beeoch you think that's funny. You need to get your ass home and drink some water. I hope a bird kicks you back. Yeah really I thought that. And sadder still, I keep thinking about it and smile a little because it is just so outerlimits.
I love marathon season.
Onward.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
The thigh-gina monologues
Inspired by tonight's horrific trial of hand me down running shorts on a hilly trail run, here are my thoughts as they rolled out:
Well maybe this won't be so bad once I get moving faster and sweat up....Good thing I am running in the woods cause these shorts have turned into daisy dukes...noooooooo ....shit...people....quick keep your form up high like you are serious and just sprint....ouch.....no really ouch.....at what point Amanda, did you think the loose skin on your thighs had absorbed? You ass, you are moving so much flesh right now on your thighs, you might put your damn back out. you alrready knew this would probably not work out......well don't slow down now and try to pick it out you are stupid and must be punished..... shit.... more people........I am a serious Olympic grad marathon runner that LIKES chafe that's why I wear my shorts like underpants in the middle, I hope it bleeds.... ouch... it might.....but these shorts look really cute standing still.....once again you will pay now get your ass up that hill....okay maybe i will try to pick it a little....dear god what have I done....excuse me miss you seem to have started your cycle, why no sir that's just my inner thighs bleeding because I dressed like a horse's ass....running shorts are for dudes....and women that weren't almost 3dubs at one point....this run is what I would call a low point in training...thank god this is the woods....I wonder if my ass looks as congested as the front....this is really turning uncomfortable up a notch....thank goodness I am done now... wow my inner thighs are so warm now I could hatch an egg....note to self running shorts are now mandas standing around shorts....friction is not always fun......
....and scene....
onward
Well maybe this won't be so bad once I get moving faster and sweat up....Good thing I am running in the woods cause these shorts have turned into daisy dukes...noooooooo ....shit...people....quick keep your form up high like you are serious and just sprint....ouch.....no really ouch.....at what point Amanda, did you think the loose skin on your thighs had absorbed? You ass, you are moving so much flesh right now on your thighs, you might put your damn back out. you alrready knew this would probably not work out......well don't slow down now and try to pick it out you are stupid and must be punished..... shit.... more people........I am a serious Olympic grad marathon runner that LIKES chafe that's why I wear my shorts like underpants in the middle, I hope it bleeds.... ouch... it might.....but these shorts look really cute standing still.....once again you will pay now get your ass up that hill....okay maybe i will try to pick it a little....dear god what have I done....excuse me miss you seem to have started your cycle, why no sir that's just my inner thighs bleeding because I dressed like a horse's ass....running shorts are for dudes....and women that weren't almost 3dubs at one point....this run is what I would call a low point in training...thank god this is the woods....I wonder if my ass looks as congested as the front....this is really turning uncomfortable up a notch....thank goodness I am done now... wow my inner thighs are so warm now I could hatch an egg....note to self running shorts are now mandas standing around shorts....friction is not always fun......
....and scene....
onward
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