Recovery after 16

Every long run is fun for me, yes fun. Even this last one that ended ugly. The not fun part is living until the run is recovered from. I can say that yes, on wednesday I laid in my bed again and watched tv. I put the BenGay on right away though, even before I blogged. But I never did sleep. I ate, in my bed and watched tv. I am seeing a pattern here that when I get like this tv is sooooo funny. Maybe its because even my emotions are over tired and funny its just hilarious. But the GasX comercial that has been on for like a year or more of the job intereview, seemed hysterical. I was crying laugh tears, so I thought good medicine better watch AFV too, so I did. I did catch the end of Bill and Teds excellent adventure, but somehow I didn't laugh, huh imagine that :). (snicker snicker).
Later that day we had a make shift birthday party for my mom. I had made a cake in advance and we had ordered a pizza or 3 for us to munch on. I made it through the day but not with out a couple tears. Trust me this is the part that you soldier through, taking care of kids. I was tired and sore and dissapointed with my performance. I forced my self to eat, I felt nauseated.
The next day not so bad. Sore yes, tears no. I am encouraged that the knee talking back is going to be fine. We went to a church camp to visit family. Complete with blistering heat of 92, and hills everywhere, toting 2 kids that are wild. Yep I came home spent. Ryan actually told me to go to bed. When I did I began to notice I am turning to stone. I gots the lactic acid buildup. It sucks my quads are stiff and my shoulders always get lumpy. I need a massage and lots of water. I may spring for one soon. I am still feeling not much like a run or cross training so I am going to take today off too. I am going to be outdoors again today with the kids, hopefully with my own spot in the baby pool.  The plan for the week is an iffy for saturday's run. Monday run, tuesday legs lifting cross training, wed 8 mile long run and then Kennywood with my brood, thursday off, friday cross train lifting or bike, and saturday run.  I think I am going to have some more coffee now.

Sore song: Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying, Fall Out Boy

Hidee Ho there wall!

Today I got through 16. but the last 2 miles where super ugly. The first half was awesome. In fact most of it was awesome. I am pretty proud of how my time was going by the time I reached 13 even. If I could maintain that the whole 26.2 I'd be having a great day. But alas, I was passing a couple of walkers in the turn on mile 14 and I felt my right knee get wonky. Yes wonky, apparently on daily mile that's what you say instead of hurting. So I walk a little stop and stretch and keep going REALLY REALLY slow. Then its fine for about another half mile then I have to wobble walk stretch again. Eventually at 15.25 I wasn't feeling too joyful as I usually do- this really hurt. I paused Flux, to stretch again thinking in my head I should just stop. I stretched took a few steps and thought; Nah, I can get there, I need to I haven't ever even walked this far before. So at this point I walked/hobbled the rest of the way. I get there and see my garmin is still at 15.25. I have no energy for smart mouth, or swears I just sob. Boogers everywhere. I cut across the half of the track to my truck. I stretch very carefully, sob, and toss my sorry ass into the truck, snotty sob. I am hurt, I pushed myself infront of all those people at the track to tears and I don't even get to sync the whole work out. I was probably a little delirous. 
I got home Ice bathed, horfed down some protien and lunch and now I am chillin with my boyfriend, Ben. (as in BenGay)
I didn't have the run of my dreams today but I still walked away knowing I got it done. I am going to be taking it easy for a few days on my wonkified legs, then  I will be counting the seconds until the 18 er in 2 weeks. I want to knock that shit out of the park now. I know I will too.
Today I sustained a blister on just about every toe somewhere, they aren't too bad. I did also recieved blisters on my nips-yeah a first for this girl. Its probably a bad idea to keep my inhaler in my cleavage. And got some good old chaffe in the unmentionables. I am now going to try to lay down and nap, but I see Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure is on tv. Haha as much as I don't want to watch it, I don't think I will be able to sleep so I think I'll have to endure it :).
Next week, I do the 50 cut back which is a mere 8.

Happy Birthday Mama! Thanks for taking the boys so I can do this!
Song for Mom to point her finger too: Aretha Franklin, Respect

On fear

I was wasting my brain today on facebook and I came across a video :http://youtu.be/jnqpYKx8Fvk.

It must just be something in the timing of my training but I started bawling. It was because I thought of my kids. Am I scared of not finishing, nope. Just scared of screwing them up, scaring them, scaring them for life. At this point I am thinking this isn't best thing to for them to watch. I planned the whole time up until this point to have them there, I wanted them to see me finish. Now I think that maybe a little selfish of me, because I am not a hundred percent sure I can finish and make it look pretty. I have already made a pact with myself to keep running if I barf on myself or if I poop my pants. I am considering keeping them away. I do believe I haven't even finished my long long runs yet and am already suffering from taper madness. I told you guys, anxiety out the waahzoo. Any thoughts?

Till I Collapse, Eninem

divine intervention

Got up at 5 this morning to run. Got my peanutnaner taco in me, drank my coffee, got my sports bra on with a bit of a fight and just when I was about to leave... thunder, lightning. God's little way of saying go back to bed honey. I wiggled back out of the angry bra, put jammies back on, and listened to my lord. So I tried but I was all gassed up and I couldn't sleep. As I laid there I got 3 Charley horses, probably product of hot temps at work and my time of the month wiping out my electrolytes. Watched the news, talked to hubby, made his lunch and put-zed around until the gym daycare is available at 9am.
At the gym, run was just okay. I gu'ed before and at 30 min mark because I knew I was depleted from the get go. I dislike the mill, I really do. I did have a good moment though, About 40 minutes in I turned it up 1 mile an hour higher than usual comfort level and let it rip for 5 minutes, it felt good, really good. why? Because I was imagining explaining how piss poor I was feeling, how much I didn't want to be there, and how weak I was feeling and I got pissed off. 
Might I offer an apology to all the gym patrons who's nose I held hostage for 55 minutes because I was running in front of a giant wind tunnel fan. In fact can I get a moment of silence for their nose hairs?....*silent,bow head*....okay moving on :)

The song of the day(a fav): Somebody to Love, Queen

The rest of the week in short.

1. its hot.
2. friday at the gym, 1 hr on the bike, it was hot. It sucked.
3. saturday run in the hood. miserable humidity. slow slow pace. pissed me off. sprinklers at school are fun to run in.
4. hate my hair, want to shave my head.
5. I feel fat.
6. i am cranky.
7. its about that time for me to be cranky.
 8. i am sweating right now.
9. i am hot.
10. only excited about the long run this week 16 on wednesday. woo freaking hoo(serious face)
11. its hot.

song for you: Uprising, Muse

swimming in soup

I knew today was going to be humid. I saw in my running groups, people bailing on their outdoor runs today for a/c treadmills. Feeling less than stellar lungs this made me nervous. I have been having little problems with my lungs all week, I have been taking my singular pill that I hate to take because it's preventative. Lacing up this morning while its still dark, I look up at the news heat index today of 107. I arrived at the track a first light, I was the first one there. I am thinking get this over with it's only 8, then you can go home and have some carbs. The fog never lifted. It was misty and thick and at mile 5 I had to stop walk puff and then slowly work back into it, but I will say I am just happy to be ok. Because this run scared me.
I have anxiety, I won't pretend to be fearless. My kids are a major source, I want to be the best mom I can be. I don't want them to be hurt, and I want to do right by them always. Another source, Hubbs, he travels I want him safe and around forever too. I could go on typing all day about what makes me nervous. A big fear, actually its dying and leaving my kids without me. I drive carefully but sometimes I fear I'll never come home. I also run with my inhaler on a one mile loop track right next to the E.M.S. garage, because I have asthma. I know I can't live my life in fear or all I would ever do is worry. Running is great for anxiety, not so much for the asthma. I can't believe I only had to use the inhaler once. I am always thinking about safety with that in my mind, I still have to make it home for them.
I just felt like crying when I got home, so after my mom left, I did.

Blinded By The Light, Manfred Mann's Earth Band
(I know what it's about, but it settles me into my run because its too off the wall to understand.)

I be needing a facial

Well I haven't been to a spa since miles was 6 weeks old for a massage, I hated every minute it was the first time I ever left him with anyone. Before kids, I tried to at least go once a year. I like facials. They get all the crap out of your pores. Back when I was a lady that spa-ed, I didn't run in fact, I smoked. I have always had nice skin. Even through puberty I was a lucky lucky girl. Now I think the longer I go the more polluted I am getting. I told you wednesday I had crystallized salt on my cheeks, and now all the oil and crud is revolting. I am trying to keep my hair off my face as much as possible. I have reverted from using Mary Kay's Cleansing products and cremes (temporarily until after race) back to stridex pads from my teen years. I have dry patches and I have grease pits. I got white heads and black heads. I don't think anything I can do at this point is going to make it stop until summer, and the long runs calm down. But I think I want a steam facial and a deep tissue massage, even if I am dreaming, cause I have ZERO time for that. That's a normal person with my problems would do, but I'm just not normal. 
ps pic in the spirit of honesty :) not whining, that's just how it is!

Song 4 Mutya(out of control), Groove Armada