Okay. Deep breaths manda, don't panic. I am going to try to run in the heat and fricken pollen in front of the entire world. I told my family, friends, and coworkers. I am wacked in the head....what i am I thinking?
Doubt is starting to set in. Holy crap I am running a 5k in like 6 friggin days. I can do this, but I am no rockstar runner, I will be dogging it, and I will have to take a break and walk too, cause lets face it I have 60 pounds of cement stuffed down my fat suit.
Am I excited. Of course I am, but superwoman called and she wants her cape back. So its just manda running saturday, or maybe we could call it really fast walking, slow running, hopping limp running....Oh lord I am scared.
Take notice I said it here first I am NOT relaxed.
Don't worry I'll be there rain, shine, or diahrrea. Its personal now.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
its so wierd
I have had lots of times in the last year, looking back where I have been really frustrated and pissed off at myself and the world. What started my revolution was the day we got word from our insurance company after our physicals for life coverage that my policy would cost twice as much as ryans because of my weight. Not only being the case, the dick insurance guy didn't have the stones to call me and tell me that, he called Ryan, my husband and he had to tell me. That was really hard for Ryan to do. I had to go sign and adendum to the policy with the stipulation of the extra cost (double) until i lost some weight. ouch. I didn't want to let the man know it bothered me, so i thought well i'll laugh it off, i went i signed, then I stole his pen... I am no longer a victim of myself anymore from then on.
I am not sure if it was later that night or later that week> I was walking and trying to jogg from telephone poll to poll out there in the humidity sweating sticks of butter and some damn kids in a convertible (probably daddy's) started yelling fat remarks at me. It hurt. Then they turned around and came back past me again. Once wasn't enough. I really wanted to call the cops or flip them off or something then I saw their faces. They were babies. They had no idea what life does to some people. So I just went home. I cried in the road. I stopped running. when Ryan saw me, he knew something was wrong. I told him, I don't think I told many other people maybe my mom maybe not it was just too hard to say. I felt like giving up. Ryan my wonderful husband that he is, said you go back same time tomorrow. F them. He made me a new playlist for my mp3 player. There was an "f bomb" in just about every song. Angry rock, speed metal, gangster rap, hours of it. I don't know where I get off thinking I deserve him sometimes. It made me feel better, it kept me focused. I still have most of those songs on my player now a year later.
I am not sure if it was later that night or later that week> I was walking and trying to jogg from telephone poll to poll out there in the humidity sweating sticks of butter and some damn kids in a convertible (probably daddy's) started yelling fat remarks at me. It hurt. Then they turned around and came back past me again. Once wasn't enough. I really wanted to call the cops or flip them off or something then I saw their faces. They were babies. They had no idea what life does to some people. So I just went home. I cried in the road. I stopped running. when Ryan saw me, he knew something was wrong. I told him, I don't think I told many other people maybe my mom maybe not it was just too hard to say. I felt like giving up. Ryan my wonderful husband that he is, said you go back same time tomorrow. F them. He made me a new playlist for my mp3 player. There was an "f bomb" in just about every song. Angry rock, speed metal, gangster rap, hours of it. I don't know where I get off thinking I deserve him sometimes. It made me feel better, it kept me focused. I still have most of those songs on my player now a year later.
Friday, May 28, 2010
The first blog of many
Welcome to the blog that probably nobody will read. I have started A long, tough road about a year ago. I weighed 298 the day I delievered my son. I started really excercising and dieting june 2009. Now its memorial day weekend 2010. I weigh honestly 201.4. I have lost a lot, a lot of inches last time we checked about a month ago it was over 60 inches. I saw a dietician when I plateaued this winter and she gave me an ideal wt of 155.
I get to the gym at night when my kids are either asleep or daddy is home to watch them. I work every weekend to eliminate daycare cost, my kids are 1 and 3, and to be with them as much as I can. So usually I can't get to the gym on weekends, but I sometimes run on saturdays.
This year has been hard, filled with obstacles. Mostly from myself feeling insecure, inept, large, you name it. I am now more than half way and I know I can do it.
My short term goal: weigh 198 by june 6th my 30th birthday. also running my first 5k the day before.
My long term goal: reach 155 and run a 10k
my dream: run a marathon and finish alive!
Why running? being so large, fearing the end of my youth, I have come to realize I couln't do it. I don't like to be told not to do anything. While walking the track with the runners I wanted to keep up so bad, and couldn't. My soul wants to run. And I want to do something that seems out of reach that really all I have to do is overcome me. So I will run. I will continue to work out. I will get there.
little warning...I get easily annoyed at stupidity and will bitch frequently. I swear also. very sarcastic sometimes to cover up my insecurity too.
I get to the gym at night when my kids are either asleep or daddy is home to watch them. I work every weekend to eliminate daycare cost, my kids are 1 and 3, and to be with them as much as I can. So usually I can't get to the gym on weekends, but I sometimes run on saturdays.
This year has been hard, filled with obstacles. Mostly from myself feeling insecure, inept, large, you name it. I am now more than half way and I know I can do it.
My short term goal: weigh 198 by june 6th my 30th birthday. also running my first 5k the day before.
My long term goal: reach 155 and run a 10k
my dream: run a marathon and finish alive!
Why running? being so large, fearing the end of my youth, I have come to realize I couln't do it. I don't like to be told not to do anything. While walking the track with the runners I wanted to keep up so bad, and couldn't. My soul wants to run. And I want to do something that seems out of reach that really all I have to do is overcome me. So I will run. I will continue to work out. I will get there.
little warning...I get easily annoyed at stupidity and will bitch frequently. I swear also. very sarcastic sometimes to cover up my insecurity too.
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