That would be my lungs folks. I continue to hack like no tomorrow. It's really annoying. Stupid even. I did go to the gym in the brief one day I had of breathing. The next day I went to work, every visit except for one had a cat or a smoker. At stop #3 the perfume in the home was so thick I could barely stand after my inhaler kicked in. I muddled through somehow, choking and gaggy. That night I took a benadryl and showered as soon as I got home. My tongue felt itchy like it was growing cat hair. We went on a date that evening and I hacked all night. Sorry honey I can't kiss you I have to make a hocker. I have only gotten worse, now dependent on my nebs and shaking like a leaf again. DAMN IT. I am going to let all these easy obtained workout days slip down the drain because I have no lungs it depresses me. Some days it's all I can do to get to and from work and a workout is wanted but can't be done due to schedules or kids or child care. This past two weeks it would have been so damn easy to go anytime I wanted and I have been just sitting here frustrating.
I feel flabby and gross all over. My strong body is turning into a nasty dimple. Probably not but I feel that way. I got some new uniforms the other day I fear I will be too fat for by the time I wear them. I am grumpy.
Dear Lord please let the snow you sent cleanse us all from the nasty viruses and germs we have. Be with all of us as we take deep breaths. Sent us strength for all the sick people and all the people taking care of the sick people that have to deal with grumpy poopy attitudes. Send summer soon because I miss happy kids, running, my tan and my flip flops. In your name, Amen.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
a long december
I am not just being a shameless Counting Crows fan it has been. I am never been so sick in recent history. I know I whine about illness because it stops the endorphin train because I must rest and I have become dependent on this usually but I willing rested until today. I was so sick I faithfully took all the medications I loathe even my singulair that makes me pee my pants and worry at lot more than I like. Breathing is more important sometimes. Through all this I missed 3 days of work, and my son's Christmas pageant at school. I worked the day after my marathon for 12 hours, this girl doesn't do sick and helpless. I thought I may have to be put in the hospital a few days it was terrible. The boys both struggled with illness too it was the real deal and I haven't protested I have submitted and did everything I was told.
I am sort of feeling better and getting antsy. I am going back to the gym but I doubt it will be running. How much fun would it be if I hacked up a lung in public? Low impact at least I am waiting for hubbs to finished plowing our driveway so I can bust out the door. Happy for small victories.
I've had some interesting professional developments that I will sharing soon. I am pretty excited and a tiny bit sad too. Its time to go back to work full time. A change in our family that has gradually been happening all year and its time to rip the bandaid off. I have faith that I can make it through this and achieve balance but I have put on the blinders for one day at a time because I know I'm a huge freak and I will not let myself ruin months of my life until I relax. I am not even sharing it all yet, baby steps....
This year New Years Eve ends a chapter in my life, and Next year 2013 will be new and exciting. I set out for peace, and balance, somehow I feel it may actually happen.
I am sort of feeling better and getting antsy. I am going back to the gym but I doubt it will be running. How much fun would it be if I hacked up a lung in public? Low impact at least I am waiting for hubbs to finished plowing our driveway so I can bust out the door. Happy for small victories.
I've had some interesting professional developments that I will sharing soon. I am pretty excited and a tiny bit sad too. Its time to go back to work full time. A change in our family that has gradually been happening all year and its time to rip the bandaid off. I have faith that I can make it through this and achieve balance but I have put on the blinders for one day at a time because I know I'm a huge freak and I will not let myself ruin months of my life until I relax. I am not even sharing it all yet, baby steps....
This year New Years Eve ends a chapter in my life, and Next year 2013 will be new and exciting. I set out for peace, and balance, somehow I feel it may actually happen.
Monday, December 17, 2012
days off down the drain
So I am still sick. Better, improving daily now medicated. I spent a lot of time laying around. I barely got through what I needed to recently just everything ran me over. Literally Wednesday I got hit with a bus of some sort and I am just now coming to. I tried to down play this reading back I am just a stubborn ass, why do I think I need to blog about it? Must have been delirous. I am Nebulizing I am prednisoning and I am antibioticing. We even had the added treat of having a child to the ER this weekend with 105 fever for an ear infection. The older one, not the younger one!(happy to say fevers down and we are happy again!) I have not worked since last Wednesday and I am not even caught up. Just working on breathing and keeping my brood well. Pretty much survivial. Seems fitting of a December in the life of Manda. I highly doubt a run takes place from now until after Christmas. It is 7 days left until Christmas and I am not feeling at all prepared. I work 5 day stretch leading up so I am just kinda floundering here. Praying to get a low kitty low indoor smoking load of visits, so it doesn't undo everything I have been trying to get back with the breathing.
I don't think I will get around to making a holiday card this year, I promise hugs on demand in return. Stop me say I am cashing in my Christmas card IOweU and I will give you a full contact squeeze. Be careful what you wish for it we are at the gym though!!!
It has been a week since my last workout. It will be even longer before I even get in my running shoes. I am cool with it. I have a lot to be thankful for, I will get over it.
What do I want for Christmas?
1 to get my family better
2 to get better myself
3 for people to stop being so crazy in this world
4 for my interesting stuff to go well.
5 a new garmin that doesn't look like a 37 inch tv. that would be kewl.
6 to finish my shopping and wrapping before the holiday....
7 to see my kids have a great day. they are so excited, I don't care if I get a thing I want them to be blown away.
8 hoping for a good work day, yep i work eve, and day and day after. :(
9 of course my goal weight. check in this morning 160 even
10 i want my groceries to buy themselves, put themselves away, and cook themselves.
11 I want my whole family to see how much they should love each other.
12 my beetle has some paint chips that I want to dissapere.....
13 i would like a little more boobs than i have
14 i would like to give back that wrinkle I got this year.
15 for GOD to be with all my patients, especially my shut ins that won't go celebrate due to health issues, some dealing with losses I can't even picture, I hope I pain is less and Christmas is peaceful for them.
16 to stop having so much boogers! holy crap I don't know how many tissues I used in the course of a week but its astronomical really. I won't know how to act.
17 for my friends to know how much I apprieciate them. Really. I have some really generous buddies and I love them. I would hope to return the favor for all of them. Manda's got your back hit me up.
I don't think I will get around to making a holiday card this year, I promise hugs on demand in return. Stop me say I am cashing in my Christmas card IOweU and I will give you a full contact squeeze. Be careful what you wish for it we are at the gym though!!!
It has been a week since my last workout. It will be even longer before I even get in my running shoes. I am cool with it. I have a lot to be thankful for, I will get over it.
What do I want for Christmas?
1 to get my family better
2 to get better myself
3 for people to stop being so crazy in this world
4 for my interesting stuff to go well.
5 a new garmin that doesn't look like a 37 inch tv. that would be kewl.
6 to finish my shopping and wrapping before the holiday....
7 to see my kids have a great day. they are so excited, I don't care if I get a thing I want them to be blown away.
8 hoping for a good work day, yep i work eve, and day and day after. :(
9 of course my goal weight. check in this morning 160 even
10 i want my groceries to buy themselves, put themselves away, and cook themselves.
11 I want my whole family to see how much they should love each other.
12 my beetle has some paint chips that I want to dissapere.....
13 i would like a little more boobs than i have
14 i would like to give back that wrinkle I got this year.
15 for GOD to be with all my patients, especially my shut ins that won't go celebrate due to health issues, some dealing with losses I can't even picture, I hope I pain is less and Christmas is peaceful for them.
16 to stop having so much boogers! holy crap I don't know how many tissues I used in the course of a week but its astronomical really. I won't know how to act.
17 for my friends to know how much I apprieciate them. Really. I have some really generous buddies and I love them. I would hope to return the favor for all of them. Manda's got your back hit me up.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Seething petri dish
Update to last blog, I didn't want to whine so I didn't say anything about the fever I had last week. I didn't mention it, and or the next day running 7 miles with my Sis and Bro in law because they were in town and wanted to run with me. I knew I was doing something stupid, I did it any way. On Friday my oldest got sick and stayed sick until today, it's his first day back to school. Now since wednesday my youngest is sick. And today I sound a dying swan. I am completely hoarse. I can't talk at all and I have a slight fever. I knew better than to do that last week, let alone I worked out hard 4 days last week and once or twice this week. It's just too tempting when hubbs is in town because I don't have to bring the boys with me everywhere, it never happens except in December, and every fricken month 12 since I started working out I have been sick as hell. It also seems like at work every patient has 18 cats and smokes indoors I have been weezering more than normal even before I took to wounded animal voice .
I really don't want to go to the doctors right now, for the reason I don't want to admit I am an ass and wasn't taking care of myself. I will admit it here, I'm sick this time because I didn't give myself enough time to recover, and I am an ass. We runners play too hard sometimes.
Time to shut up, rest, and dust of the nebulizer. I really don't like using it. I feel certain medications make me more hyper. The first time I ever got a neb it was at convenient care in walmart a few years ago I turned bright red, started shaking a little and felt like I could climb the walls like spiderman. I avoid those at all costs, they can't always be avoided. Also over the counter medications do that to me too, namely Sudafed. I am sick as a dog and suddenly my headache is gone and I want to go paint the house. So I guess it's good I can't really speak at all because I tend to blab on and on when on the phone to my poor friends.
I am grounded for a few days. I have to finish Christmas shopping but I am too tired. I also found out my nice suit is huge. I am going to have to force myself to shop, I need it next week for something interesting. If I don't it could prove dangerous, I could loose a skirt and everyone would go blind from the light of the moon. Not happening, good problem to have, imperfect timing of course. Anyone want to push me around in a stroller while I shop? Eh could be worse, I am actually in a pretty good mood.
So that's the view from here, germs, bedhead, sweats, dying swan, baggy clothes, and watching Toy Story for the 80 thousandth time with an even snottier set of tiny nostrils.
I really don't want to go to the doctors right now, for the reason I don't want to admit I am an ass and wasn't taking care of myself. I will admit it here, I'm sick this time because I didn't give myself enough time to recover, and I am an ass. We runners play too hard sometimes.
Time to shut up, rest, and dust of the nebulizer. I really don't like using it. I feel certain medications make me more hyper. The first time I ever got a neb it was at convenient care in walmart a few years ago I turned bright red, started shaking a little and felt like I could climb the walls like spiderman. I avoid those at all costs, they can't always be avoided. Also over the counter medications do that to me too, namely Sudafed. I am sick as a dog and suddenly my headache is gone and I want to go paint the house. So I guess it's good I can't really speak at all because I tend to blab on and on when on the phone to my poor friends.
I am grounded for a few days. I have to finish Christmas shopping but I am too tired. I also found out my nice suit is huge. I am going to have to force myself to shop, I need it next week for something interesting. If I don't it could prove dangerous, I could loose a skirt and everyone would go blind from the light of the moon. Not happening, good problem to have, imperfect timing of course. Anyone want to push me around in a stroller while I shop? Eh could be worse, I am actually in a pretty good mood.
So that's the view from here, germs, bedhead, sweats, dying swan, baggy clothes, and watching Toy Story for the 80 thousandth time with an even snottier set of tiny nostrils.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Checking in, holy craps its December 6th.
It's weird how life changes things. I think maybe, dare I say it, I am adjusting to being a mom at work. Maybe a little. Do I wish things were cleaner around here? Of course.(turns out that elf on the shelf doesn't earn it's keep at night.) Do I want more hours in the day? who doesn't. Have I found a stride? true. Probably time for more change, cause I am getting used to it, just saying that seems to be how it always happens.
I see some interesting stuff everyday. I really don't get much time to talk about it though. I used to be a huge talker. In fact that is why I started this blog back in the day, I didn't want to be the annoying talky chick. I have become more appreciative of conversations that I do have because I spend so much time alone driving around for work, but I am learning to respect silence too. Some days I see 8 people and spend lots of time with just me and them when I get home I am too pooped to talk. A lot of the time, once I am home, get everyone fed and all my work done it's late and I have already started to dose off while finishing up. Thank goodness for social media, really I would never recognize some of my girls. Still going to the gym and working out when I can and running too, all very solitary stuff, and that silence used to bug me, now I think its cool, no body wants anything from me. Treasure the company or enjoy solitude, you can do both. I dare I say I'm becoming quite possibly a little reserved. I don't know if that's a good thing.... note to self, schedule girls night.
I am so not ready for Christmas at all. I am not shopped at all, well like 15 minutes yesterday on my lunch break but other than that NOT at all. I don't know why I am so calm about it, this crap used to keep me up at night. I actually should be out in a store right now arguing with my 3 year old to behave but instead we are just chilling at home doing laundry and being lazy. I need to go shopping for house stuff too, today I had to use hotel shampoo samples. My hair is going to look like a hat if that happens 2 days in a row, I have sensitive follicles, very fussy. I am still just in this house really avoiding it. EH maybe later.
I have gotten in some pretty good workouts this week. Probably why I am so chilled out. I am seriously shopping for a marathon to enter and start training for soon, I think that is why I letting stuff roll over me more now. I need to get back on a schedule and working for a goal. I love routine, and hard work. Ready to start up again soon, hell I'm already doing 10 milers... okay.... just ready to commit then.
add a song? funny: A Working Day, Ben Folds
I see some interesting stuff everyday. I really don't get much time to talk about it though. I used to be a huge talker. In fact that is why I started this blog back in the day, I didn't want to be the annoying talky chick. I have become more appreciative of conversations that I do have because I spend so much time alone driving around for work, but I am learning to respect silence too. Some days I see 8 people and spend lots of time with just me and them when I get home I am too pooped to talk. A lot of the time, once I am home, get everyone fed and all my work done it's late and I have already started to dose off while finishing up. Thank goodness for social media, really I would never recognize some of my girls. Still going to the gym and working out when I can and running too, all very solitary stuff, and that silence used to bug me, now I think its cool, no body wants anything from me. Treasure the company or enjoy solitude, you can do both. I dare I say I'm becoming quite possibly a little reserved. I don't know if that's a good thing.... note to self, schedule girls night.
I am so not ready for Christmas at all. I am not shopped at all, well like 15 minutes yesterday on my lunch break but other than that NOT at all. I don't know why I am so calm about it, this crap used to keep me up at night. I actually should be out in a store right now arguing with my 3 year old to behave but instead we are just chilling at home doing laundry and being lazy. I need to go shopping for house stuff too, today I had to use hotel shampoo samples. My hair is going to look like a hat if that happens 2 days in a row, I have sensitive follicles, very fussy. I am still just in this house really avoiding it. EH maybe later.
I have gotten in some pretty good workouts this week. Probably why I am so chilled out. I am seriously shopping for a marathon to enter and start training for soon, I think that is why I letting stuff roll over me more now. I need to get back on a schedule and working for a goal. I love routine, and hard work. Ready to start up again soon, hell I'm already doing 10 milers... okay.... just ready to commit then.
add a song? funny: A Working Day, Ben Folds
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