Thursday, April 26, 2012
that's a bunch of meatless bologna
I finally went in for a gastroenterology appointment regarding my tummy issues. Did I mention I am now a vegetarian? I am starting to miss meat. It's been about a month when I see people eating meat, even the kids chicken nuggets I am getting irritated I can't have a bite. I have been eating bean patties, veggie dogs, and I even stooped to buying meatless bologna. I haven't tried the bologna yet, I am going to need to be really hungry and triple dog dared. It's super inconvient to eat veggie when I am working full time right now too.This girl likes her some meat I guess I'll have to deal with this crap and continue to pursue medical help.
So I called them and got in to see a PA. My scan came back normal even though it made me sick, the directions I received was to see a surgeon. I went to the GI people because I really don't want to take this out if I have normal testing. So the verdict after my long talk with a PA...we are going to ram a camera up my ass and down my throat.... hopefully not in that order. I was given the option to just bypass that and go see a surgeon because he is thinking I present like someone that needs a gallbladder removed even with a normal scan. He understands my need to check everything. I am an irritating patient I am sure , he had to sit the the whole 'but I'm so healthy I don't understand why this is a problem' speech/whine.
The prep for that is awesome. It's like you drink a bottle of mag citrate and then the next step is to drink GOLytely. I like to call this the understatement of the century. In the hospital when I have a patient prepping with this stuff you just bring them a bedside commode and a roll of tp because they will never make it in time. OH YEAH can't wait, pooping with the force of a power washer. Then I have to get up at 3am and drink more, I could just sleep sitting up on the can. I will have an awesome grody blog follow up after that.
This is really getting to be upsetting I wish this would all blow over soon. The PA I saw today told me I could go to a surgeon directly and they would take it out. I just really don't want to do that if I can help it.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
changeover week 1
This week so far has been emotionally tough on old momma here. I really am just typing this to get it out of my head.
Monday I was prepared. I woke up early. Did my routine, kids stuff already in the van from the night before. Outfit laid out the night before. I get dressed, I hate it, must try plan B outfits, they are worse I put plan A back on. I get the kids successfully to destination. I arrive early enough to wait 5 minutes before entering. The day was a full day of listening to movies, filling out forms and lecture. (everyone's really nice)I do like the company, but it was physically painful for mommy neversit Manda. It was over before I knew it, and I was picking up the kids, I made them dinner, we adjusted well. I even went to the gym that night for a run. I forgot my socks. What did I do? I ran bareback in my shoes, hey I made it out the door after a very tense day, I am still running. I still greased my tootsies, made it out of the gym with my feet and wits intact, I don't think anyone noticed.
Tuesday the morning flowed. We got where we needed to be. We got home. Everyone was fed later. We all kinda hung out after dinner and bath time, I am starting to notice both kids are starting to miss me even if they aren't saying so. I put them both to bed and THEN I went to the gym and did quick bike and weights. Then I had to go to walmart because I needed to buy pants of all things. Monday as I did my wardrobe changes, the pants I thought weren't going to look too bad are now insanely too big, they look like I am wearing depends and somehow are about 4 inches too long. I tried a quick hem with actual painters tape and safety pins, disaster! So at 10pm I am looking on the rack at walmart with sweaty gym clothes on. The choices are nill. We have slacks and we have juniors pants. (slacks meaning elastic waist pant with tapered leg "momjean style") So I opt for a size 13 dress pant, looking at the teenager style pant thinking oh crap we'll see about this. Got them home, they fit. Not my favorite pants but for 13 buckaroos I will use them for this short couple weeks.
Wednesday saaaaad. I woke up tired, and had to wake the kids up in their beds. Got them dressed and hubbs dropped them off. I found myself chasing after them in the driveway for extra hugs and kisses. I missed them. I didn't want to go. They seemed so cool with it, so ready to go, so why am I making this so hard? As they rounded the corner tears came. I cried all the way to work. Every time I thought about them during this long long long day I felt tears, I managed to not let them out during work. When I got in the van I started to feel very overwhelmed and beaten. I go get them kids. I feel like garbage, hubbs literally a minute behind we go straight out to eat. The little one is developing a cold now he's fussy at the restaurant. As we deal with him I see people roll their eyes as we are seated. Excuse me miss, did you seem to remember you were a child once? Oh an also maybe that this is a public place and if you want to go somewhere for peace and quiet maybe that place should be your own home. Oh and your face may stick like that someday. My son snuggles up to me, as the food comes, he coughs directly on it. Sometimes being a mom is gross.
Today wasn't as bad. My little man is definitely missing me. My older one he's asking questions, pretty much 50 forms of 'why do you have to be gone?'. Made it back at a decent time tonight. It's soccer night so I came home first and let the dogs out. Took Skippy for a quick run around the block. Not too far from my house a man told me "you should take that dog home now". I asked why, he replied " you are working that dog too hard". Wow. WOW. I muttered something about a naughty puppy needing exercise. And kept going. Honestly dude, I think it is inhumane to not run your dog a little after he's in a cage for the day. That's what's wrong with our society really, it's really not all that much. It's not like I was dragging the poor dog, he lives for a run, so kindly sir thank you for your concern. Then I procure the children, and proceed to feed them fast food(shame on me!), we return home for a pitstop then off to soccer, I get everyone out the door to the van go to start it aaaaannnnnd where's the keys? Mmm funny you should ask, on the kitchen counter locked in the house. So my mom came by and let me in so I could get to soccer in time. Then we get there and little man is out. So I sat in the drivers seat while my big kid practiced soccer listening to my little one snore, thanking god for the lull in the action.
I am tired. I think I am getting a cold or a sinus infection. My ears are tricking out again too. I type this out as a vent to help myself purge this goofy week that is still not near over yet from my system I am starting to slow down as my bendaryl I have taken before I started typing is kicking in. Hubbs called me from the road tonight, and I didn't feel like talking I feel bad. I just wish this icky feeling was something you could step out of, like an enormous pair of long depends pants. I am glad tomorrow is friday. I am not sure about the race I was doing saturday, I will have to miss a soccer game and I don't think there is any mom time to spare on the chopping block. So far I have not made it to a single race this year. I will run that day, just not sure if I will be doing it when my kids are awake for my mom guilt purposes...
Monday I was prepared. I woke up early. Did my routine, kids stuff already in the van from the night before. Outfit laid out the night before. I get dressed, I hate it, must try plan B outfits, they are worse I put plan A back on. I get the kids successfully to destination. I arrive early enough to wait 5 minutes before entering. The day was a full day of listening to movies, filling out forms and lecture. (everyone's really nice)I do like the company, but it was physically painful for mommy neversit Manda. It was over before I knew it, and I was picking up the kids, I made them dinner, we adjusted well. I even went to the gym that night for a run. I forgot my socks. What did I do? I ran bareback in my shoes, hey I made it out the door after a very tense day, I am still running. I still greased my tootsies, made it out of the gym with my feet and wits intact, I don't think anyone noticed.
Tuesday the morning flowed. We got where we needed to be. We got home. Everyone was fed later. We all kinda hung out after dinner and bath time, I am starting to notice both kids are starting to miss me even if they aren't saying so. I put them both to bed and THEN I went to the gym and did quick bike and weights. Then I had to go to walmart because I needed to buy pants of all things. Monday as I did my wardrobe changes, the pants I thought weren't going to look too bad are now insanely too big, they look like I am wearing depends and somehow are about 4 inches too long. I tried a quick hem with actual painters tape and safety pins, disaster! So at 10pm I am looking on the rack at walmart with sweaty gym clothes on. The choices are nill. We have slacks and we have juniors pants. (slacks meaning elastic waist pant with tapered leg "momjean style") So I opt for a size 13 dress pant, looking at the teenager style pant thinking oh crap we'll see about this. Got them home, they fit. Not my favorite pants but for 13 buckaroos I will use them for this short couple weeks.
Wednesday saaaaad. I woke up tired, and had to wake the kids up in their beds. Got them dressed and hubbs dropped them off. I found myself chasing after them in the driveway for extra hugs and kisses. I missed them. I didn't want to go. They seemed so cool with it, so ready to go, so why am I making this so hard? As they rounded the corner tears came. I cried all the way to work. Every time I thought about them during this long long long day I felt tears, I managed to not let them out during work. When I got in the van I started to feel very overwhelmed and beaten. I go get them kids. I feel like garbage, hubbs literally a minute behind we go straight out to eat. The little one is developing a cold now he's fussy at the restaurant. As we deal with him I see people roll their eyes as we are seated. Excuse me miss, did you seem to remember you were a child once? Oh an also maybe that this is a public place and if you want to go somewhere for peace and quiet maybe that place should be your own home. Oh and your face may stick like that someday. My son snuggles up to me, as the food comes, he coughs directly on it. Sometimes being a mom is gross.
Today wasn't as bad. My little man is definitely missing me. My older one he's asking questions, pretty much 50 forms of 'why do you have to be gone?'. Made it back at a decent time tonight. It's soccer night so I came home first and let the dogs out. Took Skippy for a quick run around the block. Not too far from my house a man told me "you should take that dog home now". I asked why, he replied " you are working that dog too hard". Wow. WOW. I muttered something about a naughty puppy needing exercise. And kept going. Honestly dude, I think it is inhumane to not run your dog a little after he's in a cage for the day. That's what's wrong with our society really, it's really not all that much. It's not like I was dragging the poor dog, he lives for a run, so kindly sir thank you for your concern. Then I procure the children, and proceed to feed them fast food(shame on me!), we return home for a pitstop then off to soccer, I get everyone out the door to the van go to start it aaaaannnnnd where's the keys? Mmm funny you should ask, on the kitchen counter locked in the house. So my mom came by and let me in so I could get to soccer in time. Then we get there and little man is out. So I sat in the drivers seat while my big kid practiced soccer listening to my little one snore, thanking god for the lull in the action.
I am tired. I think I am getting a cold or a sinus infection. My ears are tricking out again too. I type this out as a vent to help myself purge this goofy week that is still not near over yet from my system I am starting to slow down as my bendaryl I have taken before I started typing is kicking in. Hubbs called me from the road tonight, and I didn't feel like talking I feel bad. I just wish this icky feeling was something you could step out of, like an enormous pair of long depends pants. I am glad tomorrow is friday. I am not sure about the race I was doing saturday, I will have to miss a soccer game and I don't think there is any mom time to spare on the chopping block. So far I have not made it to a single race this year. I will run that day, just not sure if I will be doing it when my kids are awake for my mom guilt purposes...
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
life as i know it today....
Well am I upright? yes.
Am I running? no.
Am I happy about it? not exactly
Could it be worse? definitely, thankful it's not.
Thursday, I was really starting to feel a little better. I went to the gym and did a workout, the run definitely bothered my belly a little but I was starting to feel almost human again. I debated on going in for this test I had ordered to check out this nausea I was having.( I went anyway at the request of hubbs and mom, better to know it was nothing than ignore it)
Friday I had a scan of my gallbladder called a HIDAscan. Tangent: sat in the waiting room full of chairs, actually empty besides me and an old lady came and sat right beside me, I know I was by the entrance and she was not the best on her feet so I understood. The lady calling me in for the test told her I would be a while. Yeah she thought she was with me. I thought it was cute. The first hour of this test isn't so bad they inject you with an isotope and you lay on your back and sit there. Then the second half is the part I would have rather done without. They inject you with a gallbladder stimulating hormone, choelycystokinease, or as I call it luciferpiss. I got a blinding headache followed by horrid nausea and then cramps. I have had worse tummy aches, but after the test it didn't wear off, in fact I ended up with fully on issues plus a migraine. I spend all weekend in bed weak nauseated and very very icky.
Saturday morning after I procured the food from the grocery store, which I offered to do because hubbs offered, but when he comes home with groceries is usually like mass quantities of 5 things....so i went and appreciated the offer. I went to the store feeling sickly looking at all the food with disdain. Trying to purchase a weeks worth of food when you feel this way is terrible. Then after the store, I came home and retreated to bed. Dirty house, endless laundry I got in bed and cried about the nice weather, and the loss of our families 3 day weekend to this stupid test I was not sure if I was going to anyway. You realize it's beautiful outside and I haven't been running, Saturday is my day to be out pounding the pavement. I was in bed, watching Don't Mess With the Zohan. (what the hell is supposed to be funny in that movie anyway?)
Sunday for Easter, I powered through. Made it to church, where I had to sit down during the closing prayer because the gum a was chewing made me nauseated. Then made it to Mom's where we had a nice family dinner. I got to eat 2 dinner rolls and freezer jam, but I didn't feel to horrible. I just stayed away from all the food really. Later on that night at the next destination I had a jello giggler egg. I am eating but not much at all this weekend.
Yesterday I was feeling a little better made it through work okay. And today I made it until after dinner to start feeling a little crappy so I think it's starting to dissipate like it did before. I haven't heard anything about a result at this point, I am kinda scared if this isn't my gallbladder, a healthy individual with my diet shouldn't be feeling like this unless something is wrong. I love food, obviously, and this is depressing. I am hoping to feel like exercising even just a little this week, I could use a little tension relief. If it goes away real real soon that would be great.
Next week I start my new job. Yeah I wasn't going to say anything until it was official. I am going to work for visiting nurse company and just stay at my other job to fill in occasionally. This is going to be great for our family. I need to be around to be a soccer mom, and now I will have a kindergartener in the fall I have to be home at night. This is a great change. And it involves new family routines that we are all adjusting to. Trying to do all this gracefully. Naturally excited and a little jittery .
weight this week 164.
Holiday In Spain, Counting Crows
Am I running? no.
Am I happy about it? not exactly
Could it be worse? definitely, thankful it's not.
Thursday, I was really starting to feel a little better. I went to the gym and did a workout, the run definitely bothered my belly a little but I was starting to feel almost human again. I debated on going in for this test I had ordered to check out this nausea I was having.( I went anyway at the request of hubbs and mom, better to know it was nothing than ignore it)
Friday I had a scan of my gallbladder called a HIDAscan. Tangent: sat in the waiting room full of chairs, actually empty besides me and an old lady came and sat right beside me, I know I was by the entrance and she was not the best on her feet so I understood. The lady calling me in for the test told her I would be a while. Yeah she thought she was with me. I thought it was cute. The first hour of this test isn't so bad they inject you with an isotope and you lay on your back and sit there. Then the second half is the part I would have rather done without. They inject you with a gallbladder stimulating hormone, choelycystokinease, or as I call it luciferpiss. I got a blinding headache followed by horrid nausea and then cramps. I have had worse tummy aches, but after the test it didn't wear off, in fact I ended up with fully on issues plus a migraine. I spend all weekend in bed weak nauseated and very very icky.
Saturday morning after I procured the food from the grocery store, which I offered to do because hubbs offered, but when he comes home with groceries is usually like mass quantities of 5 things....so i went and appreciated the offer. I went to the store feeling sickly looking at all the food with disdain. Trying to purchase a weeks worth of food when you feel this way is terrible. Then after the store, I came home and retreated to bed. Dirty house, endless laundry I got in bed and cried about the nice weather, and the loss of our families 3 day weekend to this stupid test I was not sure if I was going to anyway. You realize it's beautiful outside and I haven't been running, Saturday is my day to be out pounding the pavement. I was in bed, watching Don't Mess With the Zohan. (what the hell is supposed to be funny in that movie anyway?)
Sunday for Easter, I powered through. Made it to church, where I had to sit down during the closing prayer because the gum a was chewing made me nauseated. Then made it to Mom's where we had a nice family dinner. I got to eat 2 dinner rolls and freezer jam, but I didn't feel to horrible. I just stayed away from all the food really. Later on that night at the next destination I had a jello giggler egg. I am eating but not much at all this weekend.
Yesterday I was feeling a little better made it through work okay. And today I made it until after dinner to start feeling a little crappy so I think it's starting to dissipate like it did before. I haven't heard anything about a result at this point, I am kinda scared if this isn't my gallbladder, a healthy individual with my diet shouldn't be feeling like this unless something is wrong. I love food, obviously, and this is depressing. I am hoping to feel like exercising even just a little this week, I could use a little tension relief. If it goes away real real soon that would be great.
Next week I start my new job. Yeah I wasn't going to say anything until it was official. I am going to work for visiting nurse company and just stay at my other job to fill in occasionally. This is going to be great for our family. I need to be around to be a soccer mom, and now I will have a kindergartener in the fall I have to be home at night. This is a great change. And it involves new family routines that we are all adjusting to. Trying to do all this gracefully. Naturally excited and a little jittery .
weight this week 164.
Holiday In Spain, Counting Crows
Sunday, April 1, 2012
sunday again
Today is my youngest's 3rd birthday party. I am still feeling sick .I am still struggling to eat enough everyday. I have not run in 8 days. I don't have a lot of time today as the guests/family will be arriving very shortly. Today's weight 165. It's almost like cheating, sort of really besides the miserable pains and nausea. I am now 1 pound lighter than my wedding day weight. Our 10 year anniversary is in 3 months...10 lbs to goal.Last night a dumped a pair of 12 jeans in my cart at 1am, they fit. So at the start of this 3 years ago, I was in a 24....deep thoughts.... Onward (with ginger ale and crackers).
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