So I find that I need protein to feel better, but with all good there is bad too. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I had to poop, and my stomach hurt. My goodness I thought maybe this would happen after reading disclaimer on the bars I have been eating all week. At mile 4 my stomach started, I was thinking maybe I would be okay until after, maybe I should just fart a little then it will feel better. Around mile 6 my stomach became unbearable, I went to the port-a-potty, practically broke down the door getting in it, and violated it. After that I did feel a little better. Leaving the potty with small package of baby wipes in my hand and wearing a scowl some guy gave me a look, its all yours buddy. In my head during my run I am thinking I'm going to read Fart for life, by the coach for Team Kapoop. It's amazing how people make it through this without crapping themselves. Now I am starting to think they are just quiet about it, and maybe they do actually crap themselves. Oh dear. Maybe at this point I should start running in the woods. It's was funny to me but at the same time so very unfunny. When I got home I had to go again. Maybe I'll loose a few pounds um going through all this toilet paper. I need to tweak this diet a bit. You know all the running magazines have how to avoid "tummy trouble" articles like every month. I always thought, wonder what they mean by that? Um yeah spell it out Runner's World say what you really mean: How to not poop down your leg, That's not a Side Stitch- you're about to mess your pants, and Puke and Poop at the same time it's what's happening now. As I type this the loudest thing in this room right now is my stomach. Oh my goodness, someone bring me over a pair of 'oops i crapped my pants', I am scared I might need them.
It's Tricky, Run- D.M.C.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Funktified
I am getting through the training but recently I'm starting to feel like pigpen....
I got through my run okay last night, although I did a few things wrong. First I ate. I ate all day, normally. Then I made dinner, with the intention of leaving mine for after my run once I fed my family I would leave. Yeah it looked to good hot to not eat it- burgers on the grill and corn on the cob. So I did I wait a long period of time? Not long enough! When I was tying my laces I threw up in my mouth a little. I think to myself: I am already all the way out here, just get an hour out, you'll live. So I ran my hour. Exactly 5 miles. Not only did I want to stop and puke( i didn't), I felt like I might have shat my pants the last mile or so. I was feeling pretty miserable until I was done. Days like that I'm glad to have done it, the run was a challenge. Of course I am feeling pretty gross, and I run into most of beaver county as I run at the walking track, even my next door neighbor. You gotta love that feeling.
This morning it was back to the gym to give it another try with the boys. I am hoping the little one keeps himself healthy, I got a 12 miler tomorrow. Today I did arms, back and abs. I was in a bit of a hurry this morning deciding whether or not I was going then I dressed and we left. I ended up wearing a pair of running shorts I have never dared to wear outside my house. They were a little short for me with mesh windows on the butt cheeks. I didn't realized what the hell I was wearing until I got to the gym and dropped off my kids. Oh yeah I am in a place where 99% of the population looks better than me, fantastic. Oh well I make the most of it, I didn't even comb my hair I think I looked a little crazy. I tried not to focus on my legs and shorts so much but it was hard not to considering my current condition. That was uncomfortable. I did my lifting like a good girl. I have to say, I may have pulled a boob.
I am still shoveling in the protein. I just finished a bar and was reading ingredients and found a disclaimer. Warning contains sugar alcohols, when consumed in large amounts can have laxative effect. Well fabulous- it basically just told me, enjoy your 12 miler tomorrow and bring toilet paper!
I'm Yours, Glee Cast
(someone caught me singing along today)
I got through my run okay last night, although I did a few things wrong. First I ate. I ate all day, normally. Then I made dinner, with the intention of leaving mine for after my run once I fed my family I would leave. Yeah it looked to good hot to not eat it- burgers on the grill and corn on the cob. So I did I wait a long period of time? Not long enough! When I was tying my laces I threw up in my mouth a little. I think to myself: I am already all the way out here, just get an hour out, you'll live. So I ran my hour. Exactly 5 miles. Not only did I want to stop and puke( i didn't), I felt like I might have shat my pants the last mile or so. I was feeling pretty miserable until I was done. Days like that I'm glad to have done it, the run was a challenge. Of course I am feeling pretty gross, and I run into most of beaver county as I run at the walking track, even my next door neighbor. You gotta love that feeling.
This morning it was back to the gym to give it another try with the boys. I am hoping the little one keeps himself healthy, I got a 12 miler tomorrow. Today I did arms, back and abs. I was in a bit of a hurry this morning deciding whether or not I was going then I dressed and we left. I ended up wearing a pair of running shorts I have never dared to wear outside my house. They were a little short for me with mesh windows on the butt cheeks. I didn't realized what the hell I was wearing until I got to the gym and dropped off my kids. Oh yeah I am in a place where 99% of the population looks better than me, fantastic. Oh well I make the most of it, I didn't even comb my hair I think I looked a little crazy. I tried not to focus on my legs and shorts so much but it was hard not to considering my current condition. That was uncomfortable. I did my lifting like a good girl. I have to say, I may have pulled a boob.
I am still shoveling in the protein. I just finished a bar and was reading ingredients and found a disclaimer. Warning contains sugar alcohols, when consumed in large amounts can have laxative effect. Well fabulous- it basically just told me, enjoy your 12 miler tomorrow and bring toilet paper!
I'm Yours, Glee Cast
(someone caught me singing along today)
Monday, June 27, 2011
I want to return this (monthly) gift it's broken
So I'm not in a super mood today due to 'the circle of life'. This is being documented because this is extra annoyance affects my training and my training affect my little annoyance- BIG TIME. I am so miserable right now. The week leading up to this I haven't felt much different except for cranky. Then all of the sudden, mustache attack(hurry get the wax!), sweating hot flashes, nausea, cramps, intense mood swings, crying for no reason, the scale is cleared for takeoff out the damn window, basically life on pause. I do believe that my extra miles have added to my hormonal storm in some way. I wish it would just eventually stop the next couple months because of the running, it happens, I am praying it happens to me(i have blogged this last month and the month before that I think hahahah). I don't have time for this and I have noticed how intense it has become, enough for me to whine about it in public forum- sorry male readers but it's awful, you should know in case you piss me off in some way today or tomorrow! My poor husband is scared of me I am sure. Running used to make all of this a little easier, now it seems to be doing the reverse. If I didn't know of people this happened to I would say it was time to go to the doctor. Tonight I go running, same time the hecklers were out last Monday- go ahead yell something I dare you.
I was complaining to my mom on the phone this morning and she asked " Are you sorry you took all of this on now? "( in relation to the monthly intensity increase) The answer- Not at all. I know this is all part of the plan, I can get through this too. It is just another part of training for this race.
I read in a facebook forum today that women were compairing the marathon to childbirth, also saying that they would never do it again at mile 23. Now this is my thought on child birth- I was not scared of the pain, I told myself it was just 1 day in my life. I do feel exactly the same way about marathon. If I can be fortunate enough to get my butt to the start on time, I will take it all the way. I will not say 'Never Again', unless it is said for me, I am just happy to be there- I will enjoy every step I take that day. I am not sure about steps after the finish line, as the next day is always harder. I am just saying I feel pretty fortunate to have the resources at this time to do my training, as I probably won't get to do another for a few years. I can't see myself saying NEVER, ever again.
It's only just begun my friends.
Jars Of Clay, Flood
I was complaining to my mom on the phone this morning and she asked " Are you sorry you took all of this on now? "( in relation to the monthly intensity increase) The answer- Not at all. I know this is all part of the plan, I can get through this too. It is just another part of training for this race.
I read in a facebook forum today that women were compairing the marathon to childbirth, also saying that they would never do it again at mile 23. Now this is my thought on child birth- I was not scared of the pain, I told myself it was just 1 day in my life. I do feel exactly the same way about marathon. If I can be fortunate enough to get my butt to the start on time, I will take it all the way. I will not say 'Never Again', unless it is said for me, I am just happy to be there- I will enjoy every step I take that day. I am not sure about steps after the finish line, as the next day is always harder. I am just saying I feel pretty fortunate to have the resources at this time to do my training, as I probably won't get to do another for a few years. I can't see myself saying NEVER, ever again.
It's only just begun my friends.
Jars Of Clay, Flood
Saturday, June 25, 2011
It finally happened!
Ha Ha, no I didnt' beat the Kenyan yet, but my first toenail fell off. Yep I am that twisted. It felt like I lost my first tooth, a right of passage if you will.I get all excited hearing bloody toe stories from my fellow kindred spirits, but I did not have one of my own to share. Blisters- yes, all the others-yes, but my toenails used to be bullet proof, I was feeling left out. It made my evening last night. My toe was bloody at the movies with the family (no run done yesterday), so whatever, probably caused by the struggle with my 2 year old's first theater experience. I was wearing food, crawling on the floor for shoes, taking potty breaks- I was not surprised by a bloody toe. Then I get home and decide it would be a good idea to clean that up when I got home, and my baby toe on my right foot came off in my hand. Mind you I still have a nail bed but if you run your finger over it, smooth as a baby's butt. I am so proud.
I was also Invited today to run with a group. Equally excited over being accepted by people that call running fun. It just seems absurd, me doing all of this! Races I pay to be there, they really don't ever express a wish for me to be there, so this was a new way of feeling accepted to me. I love it. So we met up at 6. I come with the camel back, inhaler and mp3 player- I forget my garmin. Everyone else no players, no hydration, just smiles. I am thinking I am looking like a bit of a nerd. Oh well here we go. I am glad I had my water, but I really didn't need my player! I got a chance to catch up with Carrie, a friend with 2 kids 23 months apart also- rarer than a ruby without kids interrupting. I think she slowed down for me though, even though I told her to leave me in the beginning. The other 2 in the group 2 men, stayed ahead pretty much the whole time, but all of us working for the same goal. They took me up in the trail I have heard people talking about but never tried. I will tell you I didn't run up those mountains, I hiked, I was beautiful back there. Happy to have people with me, I am a chicken. When I run the brady's run park trail again, I will need a friend up there to beat up attackers with me or you know call 911 if my asthma gets too bad, so solo I stay to the road. Before I knew it the workout was over, I hope I didn't slow anyone too much! Thanks for having me guys, that was so much fun I'll try to jump in another time soon.
Song for 4 Mile Running Club: Friend Like That, Hawk Nelson
I was also Invited today to run with a group. Equally excited over being accepted by people that call running fun. It just seems absurd, me doing all of this! Races I pay to be there, they really don't ever express a wish for me to be there, so this was a new way of feeling accepted to me. I love it. So we met up at 6. I come with the camel back, inhaler and mp3 player- I forget my garmin. Everyone else no players, no hydration, just smiles. I am thinking I am looking like a bit of a nerd. Oh well here we go. I am glad I had my water, but I really didn't need my player! I got a chance to catch up with Carrie, a friend with 2 kids 23 months apart also- rarer than a ruby without kids interrupting. I think she slowed down for me though, even though I told her to leave me in the beginning. The other 2 in the group 2 men, stayed ahead pretty much the whole time, but all of us working for the same goal. They took me up in the trail I have heard people talking about but never tried. I will tell you I didn't run up those mountains, I hiked, I was beautiful back there. Happy to have people with me, I am a chicken. When I run the brady's run park trail again, I will need a friend up there to beat up attackers with me or you know call 911 if my asthma gets too bad, so solo I stay to the road. Before I knew it the workout was over, I hope I didn't slow anyone too much! Thanks for having me guys, that was so much fun I'll try to jump in another time soon.
Song for 4 Mile Running Club: Friend Like That, Hawk Nelson
Friday, June 24, 2011
Protein. Lots and lots and LOTs of it.
This week has been a bit of a roller coaster. It started out like a death march and its now flying by like a super hero through the sky. The feeling I had this week in the beginning was baaaad. Lazy tired cranky bitchy sore whiny manda. I was thinking probably just about to get sick, my cycle, or working on a massive injury. Cranky bitch was swiftly turning to depressed bitch, how would i continue?
Monday I went on my run in the evening with cement shoes. I could only crank out 3 slow ones. While I am battle with my body on this run trying to toss my butt up an enormous hill a car drives by and yells something. Well isn't that fantastic? That's what I happen to need right now- hecklers. Part of cranky manda almost turned around at that stop sign and kicked out the damn tail light, lucky for them I was about as energetic as a floating turd, or I wouldn't of let that one go. Why does it ever seem like a good idea to yell at someone trying to do what I do to be nasty? Why is that funny? I drag pace home defeated. I ice bath (yes even after 3 if i feel bad) and whine to hubbs.
I mentioned tuesday my life suck/drain and actually leaving my class embarrassed. I eat more when I come home. I don't give a crap anymore. Make a big plate of pasta, eat it, hydrate and bed early. I got up at 5 for my long day. I wasn't sure I would even get there to mile 10. I did. The highlight of that run besides turning off the Garmin, was getting blown a kiss by some 80 something guy with a thing for sweaty under armor. Haha, really it was awesome.
When I got home later I ate my protein bar, and try replacing some calories, take a nap. I went to Lloyd's to pick up my shoes I ordered a while ago. In discussion I casually ask what he eats. I have no idea what to eat still, and I know my mood, and energy level has been shit lately. He points me to the book he's be pointing to since I have been going there. The guy for Team Katouff, Fit for Life. I didn't get my copy yet but he suggested high protein. Roughly 1gm per 1lb of body weight per day.That is a staggering amount, I even asked "Come on Lloyd are you sure? That's like 200 grams a day!How am I going to do that?"
At this point to avoid the last view days, I'll try anything. I start shoveling in the whey supplements and start reading labels. I am not a hundred percent sure If I have reached my body weight in protein grams in one day yet(I start a tally and can't finish it after dinner, life gets too busy), I came close yesterday though. It makes a HUGE difference. I am scared to take on this program because I am a chick, I don't want to look like a dude, I am afraid of gaining, but I haven't lost is so long I know I am doing this wrong. I am trying this program because yesterday I felt so good I cleaned my house. Not just a little bit, or stuff I do everyday, like rearranging and sweeping dust bunnies. On a thursday my friend that's amazing. Not sick, or hormonal one bit, my legs feel great. And this morning basement bike on 5 for a good hour, we'll try again with the gym next week I guess. For the next 90 days or so I will be eating protein like a psycho and reading Fit for Life.
I will survive this race damn it.
Cinderella Man, Eminem
(good for naughty swears)
Monday I went on my run in the evening with cement shoes. I could only crank out 3 slow ones. While I am battle with my body on this run trying to toss my butt up an enormous hill a car drives by and yells something. Well isn't that fantastic? That's what I happen to need right now- hecklers. Part of cranky manda almost turned around at that stop sign and kicked out the damn tail light, lucky for them I was about as energetic as a floating turd, or I wouldn't of let that one go. Why does it ever seem like a good idea to yell at someone trying to do what I do to be nasty? Why is that funny? I drag pace home defeated. I ice bath (yes even after 3 if i feel bad) and whine to hubbs.
I mentioned tuesday my life suck/drain and actually leaving my class embarrassed. I eat more when I come home. I don't give a crap anymore. Make a big plate of pasta, eat it, hydrate and bed early. I got up at 5 for my long day. I wasn't sure I would even get there to mile 10. I did. The highlight of that run besides turning off the Garmin, was getting blown a kiss by some 80 something guy with a thing for sweaty under armor. Haha, really it was awesome.
When I got home later I ate my protein bar, and try replacing some calories, take a nap. I went to Lloyd's to pick up my shoes I ordered a while ago. In discussion I casually ask what he eats. I have no idea what to eat still, and I know my mood, and energy level has been shit lately. He points me to the book he's be pointing to since I have been going there. The guy for Team Katouff, Fit for Life. I didn't get my copy yet but he suggested high protein. Roughly 1gm per 1lb of body weight per day.That is a staggering amount, I even asked "Come on Lloyd are you sure? That's like 200 grams a day!How am I going to do that?"
At this point to avoid the last view days, I'll try anything. I start shoveling in the whey supplements and start reading labels. I am not a hundred percent sure If I have reached my body weight in protein grams in one day yet(I start a tally and can't finish it after dinner, life gets too busy), I came close yesterday though. It makes a HUGE difference. I am scared to take on this program because I am a chick, I don't want to look like a dude, I am afraid of gaining, but I haven't lost is so long I know I am doing this wrong. I am trying this program because yesterday I felt so good I cleaned my house. Not just a little bit, or stuff I do everyday, like rearranging and sweeping dust bunnies. On a thursday my friend that's amazing. Not sick, or hormonal one bit, my legs feel great. And this morning basement bike on 5 for a good hour, we'll try again with the gym next week I guess. For the next 90 days or so I will be eating protein like a psycho and reading Fit for Life.
I will survive this race damn it.
Cinderella Man, Eminem
(good for naughty swears)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Hoarding
Sheep Go To Heaven, CAKE
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Not my favorite
Boy time is flying. I am happy to say going home from the gym early was the right thing to do. Also taking off the knee brace and just being lazy helped too. Last night at dinner, a particularly whiney child got my attention, I took his temperature and we had a fever. Now he's supposed to be better damn it! It was 102.9. I wake up after we all went to bed to recheck it, yeah now its 104.9. Not happy. We only went to gym school one damn day! So I talked to the doctor on the phone, shes not too excited and we wait it out. We watch some sesame street as the medcine kicks in. He's comfortable enough to sleep finally. This morning he's happy with a 99 temp, he rolls back over, after annoying my husband with a 20 minute deliberation on going or not, we decide I have to go. Its early because its getting hotter and humid. I'll be back before the doctor is in anyways, so I go and I went really guilty. I felt bad the entire time, although he was probably still sleeping. On mile 5 I call home to make sure everythings okay, it still was, I think I got sweat in my phone now everyone sounds like they are in a tin can. I still send several texts, they whole way annoyed with myself for being there calling myself a 'd-bag,' and I am sure I annoyed my mom and husband.
I got through the run okay-ish. My left leg(knee leg) was a little weak feeling but after I decided to put my 24ounce hand bottle down, it went away. I think its throwing my gait off kilter. It maybe time to get a hydration belt instead..... they are terrible looking worse than the gu fanny pack. I will do what I have to do but I am not thrilled. Also not my favorite, I had to use the portapotty for the forbidden on mile 8, I had to poop. I had no other choice, that's what it's there for. I knew it would happen some day but, I'll tell you, I didn't burst into flames. Again, not my favorite.
I came home after finishing my task, feeling so horribly awful for going and Jude met me at the door with a smile. He's okay, its all fine. He and his brother pelt me with ice cubes as I icebath (regular occurrence these days), I am starting to realize its okay that I went, I still confess to feeling less than super mom today.
Looser, Beck
I got through the run okay-ish. My left leg(knee leg) was a little weak feeling but after I decided to put my 24ounce hand bottle down, it went away. I think its throwing my gait off kilter. It maybe time to get a hydration belt instead..... they are terrible looking worse than the gu fanny pack. I will do what I have to do but I am not thrilled. Also not my favorite, I had to use the portapotty for the forbidden on mile 8, I had to poop. I had no other choice, that's what it's there for. I knew it would happen some day but, I'll tell you, I didn't burst into flames. Again, not my favorite.
I came home after finishing my task, feeling so horribly awful for going and Jude met me at the door with a smile. He's okay, its all fine. He and his brother pelt me with ice cubes as I icebath (regular occurrence these days), I am starting to realize its okay that I went, I still confess to feeling less than super mom today.
Looser, Beck
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Ducking out.
Today I brought my little boys back to the gym with me for cross training. I am tired to basement biking, getting bored with pretty much everything, today I was hoping to jump into a body combat class. I love body combat, it's an excellent work out and I have said before kicking and punching the air for some reason is therapeutic. So I love it, everyone's happy and I ducked out of the class a half hour in. So what happened?
The hidden part of all of this, that for about a week now, my knee has been bothering me. Its not pain. Its more of an annoyance. It's messing with me now, I am able to run on it once I am warmed up. When I am done that's the problem, it stiffs up and it reminds me it's imperfect. It's taking up valuable brain space, kinda like The Tell Tale Heart. I have been really tired lately too. To the point I feel simple household stuff is extremely difficult. I have been trying to eat more protein and as healthy as possible. I am taking vitamins, and trying to sleep as much as possible. I am still a zombie. This morning running around the house getting everyone out the door, I am thinking: why are you going? I know my body is protesting for some reason. That knee is typically the weather vane of my body. It gets clicky around that time of the month, or when I am getting sick. So basically my whole body feels like lead jello. In the class I tried really hard to push past being exhausted and I could not shake the feeling that I am probably hurting myself. So I decided to duck out. I felt embarrassed but I don't think muai thai is the best thing for a whiny knee in training. I sat in my van at the steering wheel head in hands and squirted a couple tears and then drove the circus back home. I am just working on rest I guess. I just wish I knew what was going on, probably mother nature just being a bitch. 10 miles on my plate tomorrow, I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed.
Faith, Limp Bizkit
The hidden part of all of this, that for about a week now, my knee has been bothering me. Its not pain. Its more of an annoyance. It's messing with me now, I am able to run on it once I am warmed up. When I am done that's the problem, it stiffs up and it reminds me it's imperfect. It's taking up valuable brain space, kinda like The Tell Tale Heart. I have been really tired lately too. To the point I feel simple household stuff is extremely difficult. I have been trying to eat more protein and as healthy as possible. I am taking vitamins, and trying to sleep as much as possible. I am still a zombie. This morning running around the house getting everyone out the door, I am thinking: why are you going? I know my body is protesting for some reason. That knee is typically the weather vane of my body. It gets clicky around that time of the month, or when I am getting sick. So basically my whole body feels like lead jello. In the class I tried really hard to push past being exhausted and I could not shake the feeling that I am probably hurting myself. So I decided to duck out. I felt embarrassed but I don't think muai thai is the best thing for a whiny knee in training. I sat in my van at the steering wheel head in hands and squirted a couple tears and then drove the circus back home. I am just working on rest I guess. I just wish I knew what was going on, probably mother nature just being a bitch. 10 miles on my plate tomorrow, I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed.
Faith, Limp Bizkit
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday Heros
Well yesterday after being at Catie's race, and then the relay for life I do believe I got a chance to witness some greatness yesterday. Ordinary humans going out of their way for another, it struck a cord within me.
At Catie's Race yesterday they had 177 runners and walkers, every single one there to help a child. It was wonderful to watch as a lot of first timers lined up. The during the race it self Catie's dad, her big brother, her grandparents, her uncles and aunts, pretty much the whole gang raced or walked the course. Everyone was wearing dark purple for epilepsy(except me, I didn't know of course I am in neon pink :P). Around Mile 2 I came up on Catie's brother, Logan. He was pretty tired, walking a few steps and then pushing back to a run, then back to walk and then back to run. Might I add he looks to be about 5. Remarkable he was still ahead at this point that's really far for a little pair of legs. He had a mission, he was running for his sister. I tried to be encouraging as possible, with a huff of "you can do it buddy, great job". At this point I passed him as he stopped to tie his shoe. His dad that had finished what seems years before me, ran back through to run in with his son. He finished a couple minutes after to cheers and greeted at the finish line by his baby sister in the stroller. It really was something to see it made me tear up. Logan was Catie's hero.
Then after the race I went to the other side of the park to the Relay for Life, Slapped on my team shirt and walked down to the track. I met up with the nurses from work just at the kick off of the 24 hour relay walk. We walked around a couple times together. I had NO idea what had been going on down here for years, I was missing something pretty cool. All the teams had booths along the way, food, raffles and themed stuff. It looked like a little town. Our group and every group worked so hard to raise money for cancer research they were doing it only to help others or in honor of a loved one, and it looked time consuming! I know the gals at work have fund raised all year for this. As we were walking Donna told me, " When Lisa (a former co-worker) got sick we all wanted to do something good as a group". They really have I felt terrible for not being more involved with this. The goal is to keep someone on the track at all times for 24 hours, that's ambitious to me, but I saw tents already set up- wow really? So I stayed about a half an hour and came back later after I worked 3-11pm. I parked at the far end of the track that is not lit and I had to walk in the dark with only my cellphone light to guide me though the snake portion. I tried not to be a chicken, so I concentrated on walking faster and watching the cool light show the lightning bugs were putting on. It really was beautiful, vast darkness and flickers of green. I got to the track and heard loud off key singing! They were still kicking karaoke style. It was dark with few bright lights, and the track was lined with luminaras, dedicated to people with cancer or passed from cancer. I walked for an hour in my scrubs. I wanted to stay all night. All the people sleeping outside or staying up all night to walk, all the preparations they went through- they are heroes. Next year I, Amanda I will Never Go Camping Fink, will be out there all night supporting too. I went home, good and tired, and thoroughly renewed in the generosity of the human spirit.
Song Suggestion: Beauty in the World, Macy Gray
At Catie's Race yesterday they had 177 runners and walkers, every single one there to help a child. It was wonderful to watch as a lot of first timers lined up. The during the race it self Catie's dad, her big brother, her grandparents, her uncles and aunts, pretty much the whole gang raced or walked the course. Everyone was wearing dark purple for epilepsy(except me, I didn't know of course I am in neon pink :P). Around Mile 2 I came up on Catie's brother, Logan. He was pretty tired, walking a few steps and then pushing back to a run, then back to walk and then back to run. Might I add he looks to be about 5. Remarkable he was still ahead at this point that's really far for a little pair of legs. He had a mission, he was running for his sister. I tried to be encouraging as possible, with a huff of "you can do it buddy, great job". At this point I passed him as he stopped to tie his shoe. His dad that had finished what seems years before me, ran back through to run in with his son. He finished a couple minutes after to cheers and greeted at the finish line by his baby sister in the stroller. It really was something to see it made me tear up. Logan was Catie's hero.
Then after the race I went to the other side of the park to the Relay for Life, Slapped on my team shirt and walked down to the track. I met up with the nurses from work just at the kick off of the 24 hour relay walk. We walked around a couple times together. I had NO idea what had been going on down here for years, I was missing something pretty cool. All the teams had booths along the way, food, raffles and themed stuff. It looked like a little town. Our group and every group worked so hard to raise money for cancer research they were doing it only to help others or in honor of a loved one, and it looked time consuming! I know the gals at work have fund raised all year for this. As we were walking Donna told me, " When Lisa (a former co-worker) got sick we all wanted to do something good as a group". They really have I felt terrible for not being more involved with this. The goal is to keep someone on the track at all times for 24 hours, that's ambitious to me, but I saw tents already set up- wow really? So I stayed about a half an hour and came back later after I worked 3-11pm. I parked at the far end of the track that is not lit and I had to walk in the dark with only my cellphone light to guide me though the snake portion. I tried not to be a chicken, so I concentrated on walking faster and watching the cool light show the lightning bugs were putting on. It really was beautiful, vast darkness and flickers of green. I got to the track and heard loud off key singing! They were still kicking karaoke style. It was dark with few bright lights, and the track was lined with luminaras, dedicated to people with cancer or passed from cancer. I walked for an hour in my scrubs. I wanted to stay all night. All the people sleeping outside or staying up all night to walk, all the preparations they went through- they are heroes. Next year I, Amanda I will Never Go Camping Fink, will be out there all night supporting too. I went home, good and tired, and thoroughly renewed in the generosity of the human spirit.
Song Suggestion: Beauty in the World, Macy Gray
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tomorrow's Race for Catie
Tomorrow is Catie's race. A local infant with Epilepsy and probably the toughest fighter I have ever heard of. She has been through rough seizures since her birth and has already had brain surgery, I don't believe she has turned one year old yet. I am running for that little angel tomorrow. Hoping for a good turn out for her. :)
Then after the race I am going over to the other end of the park to do a couple laps for Relay for Life. The nurses at my work fund raise for this all year, I will be putting on my team shirt and doing my time. Then I will go home, shower and go to work :). I will race report once I get a second, I don't know if i'll get one tomorrow or not.
Song for Catie: Right Now, VanHalen
Then after the race I am going over to the other end of the park to do a couple laps for Relay for Life. The nurses at my work fund raise for this all year, I will be putting on my team shirt and doing my time. Then I will go home, shower and go to work :). I will race report once I get a second, I don't know if i'll get one tomorrow or not.
Song for Catie: Right Now, VanHalen
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Hey Aqua Lung....
So I had myself a fun little evening with my buddy Lindsay, we went down to the local YMCA and went to what we thought was aqua-jogging. Well we ended up with someone who really didn't even know how to teach aqua jog, but did know a little about water aerobics so somehow the class turned into that. I got no beef with that it was really fun. Not much of a work out, like at all except the swimming suit in public. I was really trying to make the water work against me and use my effort, well I just kept drifting away from the class. This struck me as funny. I start to laugh, and I just never really stopped. Swimming laps with a pool noodle in my crotch with my bff from high school is not going to make the giggles subside either. The teacher kept calling me smiley and teasing because I keep floating away. I think the laughing was the best part of tonight. A giggle with a good friend will help out the grumps any day. It was nice to do something different that won't injure me in my training. Later talking while putting our crotch noodles away I met a fellow blogger and marathoner! Yeah! Nice to meet you ABBYnormally, look forward to reading your blog, I bet you can tell I get all excited over bloody toenails! While we were talking the instructor came over and asked me if I was pregnant, while actually standing next to my friend that was ACTUALLY 20weeks. Yeah Yeah I know I look more pregnant than she does but still it's getting old. Really old.I was nice about it, especially coming from a woman that has probably been asked that a few times herself, very common mistake. I think I am going to start saving my spare change for my tummytuck/skin chop someday. Eah maybe not.
Wipeout, The Fat Boys
Wipeout, The Fat Boys
Out Damned Skirt.
I just recently had a birthday and last week I recently had a chance to actually go spend my gift certificates. You can guess they were mostly to Lloyd's running store. Well I got all kinda good stuff. I got a visor, which I love and wear all the time now. That last high heat run left me with leather forhead even with block on, and being 31(gulp) I don't want premature wrinkles, visor only logical answer my head gets too hot in the summer for hats. I also ordered a pair of Asics,( kyanos? gel stability) he didn't have size 11 in stock, there must be another sasquatch in Beaver County somewhere. I got some more GU gels, and Accelerade powder (yuk), and a couple tops for summer heat. Then I got the big downer- the running skirt. It matched one of the shirts I picked out, and I tried it on too! The hothot heat still in mind, I looked in the mirror, I did look good- butt didn't look bad at all. I happen to know a lot of my Run Like a Mother sisters love these. I should try I toss that on the pile too. I went home with all my goodies and put them all away and laid out my skirt and matching top for the morning run. I am going 5am I don't want anyone to see me in this skirt. I did try it on for Ryan, I get the stock response " you look great honey". This from the man that used to joke about me disapearing when I turned sideways prenant to make me feel better.
I roll out of bed the next morning, excited to be all chicky. Yeah um, no soup for you. I got down the drive way and I had to adjust the ah-hem crotcheal region. Then I got exactly 0.6 miles from my house and gave up. I walked home ( for the reason I still wanted skin when I got there and not to scare anybody). This was supposed to be engineered for sweating and vigorus movement, so why the hell does it look like a horible belt then? I got back to the house tiptoed in, de-skirted, jumped into good old underarmor and take off again. I felt stupid and mad at myself for being stupid enough to think that would work. I ran all the way to town and back on a short day. I just couldn't stop. I can laugh now but that day I was sad all day, I just want to be normal sometimes. As I already told the Kenyan, unless they come up with an atheletic themed night club for the booty skirt(drop it like its hot), it isn't getting much use. For the record, it looks damn good standing still. Lesson of the day: Anything you think looks pretty, earthquake test it first.
I have a dream. My own running apparel line to go with my dream book. The clothing would be nothing short of awesome looking, but also engineered to either stay put or hold on to extra chub. Its hard enough showing up, your gear shouldn't mess with your head!
All I Want, A Day To Remember
I roll out of bed the next morning, excited to be all chicky. Yeah um, no soup for you. I got down the drive way and I had to adjust the ah-hem crotcheal region. Then I got exactly 0.6 miles from my house and gave up. I walked home ( for the reason I still wanted skin when I got there and not to scare anybody). This was supposed to be engineered for sweating and vigorus movement, so why the hell does it look like a horible belt then? I got back to the house tiptoed in, de-skirted, jumped into good old underarmor and take off again. I felt stupid and mad at myself for being stupid enough to think that would work. I ran all the way to town and back on a short day. I just couldn't stop. I can laugh now but that day I was sad all day, I just want to be normal sometimes. As I already told the Kenyan, unless they come up with an atheletic themed night club for the booty skirt(drop it like its hot), it isn't getting much use. For the record, it looks damn good standing still. Lesson of the day: Anything you think looks pretty, earthquake test it first.
I have a dream. My own running apparel line to go with my dream book. The clothing would be nothing short of awesome looking, but also engineered to either stay put or hold on to extra chub. Its hard enough showing up, your gear shouldn't mess with your head!
All I Want, A Day To Remember
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The dirty elbow.
Today I did my training run 6 miles. I do have to say it was a bit boring, after doing 10 last week and feeling like my sneakers would grow wings and fly me away cutting back because my schedule says so is irritating. Next week 10 again, then 12, then next month we'll hit the teens. I am so ready to do new farther distances, I live for the challenge! So I don't have a lot to say about today's run, except it was good, and the whole family is happy. I am thankful for that.
Now I have been holding something in for about 2 weeks and I think its time to let it out. During the Derby in the homestretch I was elbowed. Yeah. I will do the recap building up to this moment: during the race at about mile 1.5 a blonde passes me on the right, and then walks when shes 20 feet ahead. I keep on my happy determined pace and pass her on the left going up a hill. Then again this blonde sprints by me on the right and walks. What is going on here? Do you just want to beat me or PR? I don't usually let other racers get to me, but at the 5th or 6th pass attempt she's getting on my nerves. I can feel her frustration, I can almost understand it. Stupid flabby slow chubby is beating me! I am so blonde and thin this can't be happening. Damn you legs what is the matter with you?! Hahaha. So up the last hill I put a good distance between us or so I thought. When I could see my family and the Kenyan at the end, on the left I got the elbow and she sprinted to the end. Good for you blondy, a whole 7 seconds, worth throwing a dirty elbow to get ahead. FAIL. You never said 'left' or 'sorry', or came back later to say whoops so you can keep your given name on that day - 'itchy. I think that was bad sportsmanship really. I didn't blog about it when I posted the race report for the simple fact that you didn't deserve mention on my happy PR post. The discussion to myself later, maybe I am just overly sensitive and if you are racing you elbow to get through sometimes, and because I am getting faster its my first taste of that. Some how I think that's false, but, then again I will never see the front of the pack to know, but i am pretty sure they are normal humans with feelings and use etiquette just like me ei: sorry, excuse me, left, get the hell out of my way... you know things runners say.
I Will Not Bow, Breaking Benjamin
Now I have been holding something in for about 2 weeks and I think its time to let it out. During the Derby in the homestretch I was elbowed. Yeah. I will do the recap building up to this moment: during the race at about mile 1.5 a blonde passes me on the right, and then walks when shes 20 feet ahead. I keep on my happy determined pace and pass her on the left going up a hill. Then again this blonde sprints by me on the right and walks. What is going on here? Do you just want to beat me or PR? I don't usually let other racers get to me, but at the 5th or 6th pass attempt she's getting on my nerves. I can feel her frustration, I can almost understand it. Stupid flabby slow chubby is beating me! I am so blonde and thin this can't be happening. Damn you legs what is the matter with you?! Hahaha. So up the last hill I put a good distance between us or so I thought. When I could see my family and the Kenyan at the end, on the left I got the elbow and she sprinted to the end. Good for you blondy, a whole 7 seconds, worth throwing a dirty elbow to get ahead. FAIL. You never said 'left' or 'sorry', or came back later to say whoops so you can keep your given name on that day - 'itchy. I think that was bad sportsmanship really. I didn't blog about it when I posted the race report for the simple fact that you didn't deserve mention on my happy PR post. The discussion to myself later, maybe I am just overly sensitive and if you are racing you elbow to get through sometimes, and because I am getting faster its my first taste of that. Some how I think that's false, but, then again I will never see the front of the pack to know, but i am pretty sure they are normal humans with feelings and use etiquette just like me ei: sorry, excuse me, left, get the hell out of my way... you know things runners say.
I Will Not Bow, Breaking Benjamin
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Stages of me, Part 5 The aspiring marathoner today
In the last year I have run every other day except when sick or injured. I am hooked. I love it so much I eventually started trying to top myself once a week. Eventually in the winter I got to 8 miles then 10 miles. Then after reading some books, I decide why not do the marathon I can do that! So basically that's when things got super crazy. I got my Nike plus, eventually I outgrew because it wasn't accurate enough, then I became a Garmin girl. Then the paper interviewed me, and we got all these awesome new readers. I have enjoyed my races this year. I made an awesome new bunch of friends. I am actually having a great time, this isn't hard- its a pleasure right down to the blisters, chafe and ice bath. So today I wish I was ready to be thrilled to share my weight. I am not. I am disappointed to announce I have not gone any lower than 195 in one year. My measurements have changed a little for the better, but that scale is a bitch, she don't give much. I have looked into this with my facebook forum, asking educated friends, and the internet. I have come up with a plan, I am going to find time so see another if not the same dietician. I looked at this calorie calculator, suggested by the Kenyan, from SELF magazine, you plug in age, height, weight, and activity, and actually length of work out and intensity. It said I needed 4300 calories in a day. I have been eating 1200-1500, this was given to me before I became a runner. Of course I took a couple trips off the wagon- I am not friggen super woman when it comes to eating, but I usually keep it locked down healthy. I gather from the scale I no long know what I am doing and I will be seeking help and advice. In the books I have read so far, it says in training plan to not loose weight. I understand I will not reach my goal weight this summer, that's just fine I want to reach my finish line first. Its been suggested to me to try different activities, I am not against that on cross training days. I am against not running, that aint happening as long as I can handle it I will be flopping on down that road! The runners I talk to either say they never replace calories they burn or they say they eat like hogs when ever they can. I am confused on what to do about all that!
Today's measurements : Neck 13, upper arm left 13.5,upper arm right 13, bust 40.5, rib cage 35.5, waist 34.5, abdomen 39.5, butt45, upper thigh left 26, upper thigh right 26.5, left calf 17, right calf 17.5, upper knee left 21, upper knee right 22. Total inches 364.25. Current weight 203.6 (*damn it*)
Honesty is powerful. I believe this will help me every step of the way develop as a person and an athlete. Yeah I said it, I am an athlete, every last inch of me.
One Step At A Time, Four Year Strong
Today's measurements : Neck 13, upper arm left 13.5,upper arm right 13, bust 40.5, rib cage 35.5, waist 34.5, abdomen 39.5, butt45, upper thigh left 26, upper thigh right 26.5, left calf 17, right calf 17.5, upper knee left 21, upper knee right 22. Total inches 364.25. Current weight 203.6 (*damn it*)
One Step At A Time, Four Year Strong
Monday, June 13, 2011
Stages of me, Part 4- a runner is born.
When I turned 30 I had offically weighed 100lbs less than I did when I gave birth to Jude. 198. I had stopped wearing maternity clothes, and put on shorts for the first time in about 7 years that where meant to be seen outside of the house. My baby turned 1 my older child turned 3. My measurements one year fighting as follows: Neck, 13, upper arm left 13.5, upper arm right 13.5, bust 41, rib cage 35.5, waist 36, abdomen(6 inches below waist) 40, butt 45, upper thigh left 26, upper thigh right 25.5, calf left 17.5, calf right 17.75, upper knee left 21, upper knee right 21.5, total 336.75 inches. weight 198.
During this year I spent every night possible at the gym after it got to cold to walk every night. I would spent an hour at a time on the elliptical. I payed a personal trainer as an early birthday present to kick my butt and help me reach my goal of 198 by my birthday. About a month before a the race there was a flyer posted at work. Up until two weeks before the race I kept telling people how that was nuts and "so far". I even told Tracy the trainer it was a good goal, but I didn't want to do that til I hit my ideal weight because I didn't want to get hurt. In conversations with people in my life, I started throwing out the idea. It made someone laugh- not on purpose, more of a accidental 'isn't that cute' laugh. I definitely have to say it sort of hurt my feelings, although I know it wasn't intended that way. I won't forget that, it doesn't hurt me anymore, but that moment changed things therefore I am grateful for it. That night, I went to the gym jumped on a treadmill and set it to 5k course and held on for dear life. I became a runner. It took me 38 minutes, but I went the distance. I drove from the gym to the nursing home I was working at to get that damn flyer I was signing up. By the time I got there, it was too late to sign up for pre-reg but all my co-workers got to smell and see the most disgusting sweat of my life. I went to that race with only 1.5 weeks of training. I ran in the same shoes I had been working out at the gym in for 6 months, I had terrible shin splints. I wore a new outfit that didn't fit, my pants fell the whole way. I didn't empty my bladder and I had a protein shake for breakfast- so my bladder was full to the max. But that day I finished in 37 some minutes, it changed everything.
During this year I spent every night possible at the gym after it got to cold to walk every night. I would spent an hour at a time on the elliptical. I payed a personal trainer as an early birthday present to kick my butt and help me reach my goal of 198 by my birthday. About a month before a the race there was a flyer posted at work. Up until two weeks before the race I kept telling people how that was nuts and "so far". I even told Tracy the trainer it was a good goal, but I didn't want to do that til I hit my ideal weight because I didn't want to get hurt. In conversations with people in my life, I started throwing out the idea. It made someone laugh- not on purpose, more of a accidental 'isn't that cute' laugh. I definitely have to say it sort of hurt my feelings, although I know it wasn't intended that way. I won't forget that, it doesn't hurt me anymore, but that moment changed things therefore I am grateful for it. That night, I went to the gym jumped on a treadmill and set it to 5k course and held on for dear life. I became a runner. It took me 38 minutes, but I went the distance. I drove from the gym to the nursing home I was working at to get that damn flyer I was signing up. By the time I got there, it was too late to sign up for pre-reg but all my co-workers got to smell and see the most disgusting sweat of my life. I went to that race with only 1.5 weeks of training. I ran in the same shoes I had been working out at the gym in for 6 months, I had terrible shin splints. I wore a new outfit that didn't fit, my pants fell the whole way. I didn't empty my bladder and I had a protein shake for breakfast- so my bladder was full to the max. But that day I finished in 37 some minutes, it changed everything.
Song for the year: ATL, Weightless
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Stages of me, Part 3: a fighter is born
I did start dieting as soon as I weened my last baby. I started a liquid diet that was rough but I did loose 20lbs in something like a month. I was feeling better about myself. I was making a point to try and dress myself, and wear make up. I was really into the make up too, it was like my mask. It wasn't a lot, but it was the only thing I could do to look like I was dressed. All of my clothes looked like pajamas.
This is the time when I had my famous run in with the insurance company, when I got a physical and they put an adendum on my policy to make it cheaper IF I could loose some wieght. I have to say yeah it did make me angry enough to do something about it. I mean really angry. But now, I feel as if I should thank those people, after all they were only doing their jobs and it probably wasn't easy for them either. At this stage I felt like I was doing enough to help myself, but they helped me realize just how grave my situation was. It made me scared for my life, and afraid that these two little guys we just made might grow up with out a mother, or worse be embarrassed of her. I didn't want to teach them to be like me. I wanted them to do whatever they had to do, that anything is possible if they wanted it bad enough, and quitting was not an option. That night after the phone call and the signing of adendum with much tears I declared war. I informed Ryan when he got home from work in the evenings I was going for a walk and he was going to have to deal with the kids - he never protested ever, he thought it was a great idea. I plugged some Fall Out Boy in my ears and I went for a walk. This became an everynight occurance that summer, sometimes i went with spit up all over, but I still went and I realized I was becoming happier. I dyed my hair a close to natural as possible, I was tired to trying to be something I wasn't, not to mention I didn't have time anymore! I didn't want to be the girl I was, I changed everything forever.
I have talked about being heckled before. This is when it happened. It was July/August-ish and I dared to wear shorts in a million degree heat with soup humidity. Some punk kids yelled things that were horrible, and then turned around and drove back so they could do it one more time. I have gone over how much that hurt. It left a scar that reminds me to keep going no matter what, and to be positive towards others that have courage to try. That is when my music turned angry too for a long time, started by my husband who never let me quit when it seemed like a good idea. If you ever heckle me, know I have already cursed you out with my tunes and you get the stone face, no reaction I am not wasting my effort on you.
The first time we measured me I had already lost a good bit of weight, but it was time to become accountable. 6/25/2009 is the first date in the spreadsheet Ryan kept for me. These were my measurements: Neck 15, Upper arm left, 17, upper arm right 16, bust 48, rib cage 44, waist 48, abdomen 6" below waist 52, butt 54, upper thigh left 31, upper thigh right 30, calf left 19, calf right 20, upper knee left 24, upper knee right 23. That's a grand total of 441. My weight on that day was 256. Letting Ryan be my score keeper was huge for me, I never ever ever told him how much I weighed. I was being honest with someone, and it was really working.
Pictures are of a wedding when Jude was about 6 weeks old, around the same time we took the kids to a park with a furry animal character, and the last pic is of the first day I became brunette. :)
Song: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner, Fall Out Boy
This is the time when I had my famous run in with the insurance company, when I got a physical and they put an adendum on my policy to make it cheaper IF I could loose some wieght. I have to say yeah it did make me angry enough to do something about it. I mean really angry. But now, I feel as if I should thank those people, after all they were only doing their jobs and it probably wasn't easy for them either. At this stage I felt like I was doing enough to help myself, but they helped me realize just how grave my situation was. It made me scared for my life, and afraid that these two little guys we just made might grow up with out a mother, or worse be embarrassed of her. I didn't want to teach them to be like me. I wanted them to do whatever they had to do, that anything is possible if they wanted it bad enough, and quitting was not an option. That night after the phone call and the signing of adendum with much tears I declared war. I informed Ryan when he got home from work in the evenings I was going for a walk and he was going to have to deal with the kids - he never protested ever, he thought it was a great idea. I plugged some Fall Out Boy in my ears and I went for a walk. This became an everynight occurance that summer, sometimes i went with spit up all over, but I still went and I realized I was becoming happier. I dyed my hair a close to natural as possible, I was tired to trying to be something I wasn't, not to mention I didn't have time anymore! I didn't want to be the girl I was, I changed everything forever.
I have talked about being heckled before. This is when it happened. It was July/August-ish and I dared to wear shorts in a million degree heat with soup humidity. Some punk kids yelled things that were horrible, and then turned around and drove back so they could do it one more time. I have gone over how much that hurt. It left a scar that reminds me to keep going no matter what, and to be positive towards others that have courage to try. That is when my music turned angry too for a long time, started by my husband who never let me quit when it seemed like a good idea. If you ever heckle me, know I have already cursed you out with my tunes and you get the stone face, no reaction I am not wasting my effort on you.
The first time we measured me I had already lost a good bit of weight, but it was time to become accountable. 6/25/2009 is the first date in the spreadsheet Ryan kept for me. These were my measurements: Neck 15, Upper arm left, 17, upper arm right 16, bust 48, rib cage 44, waist 48, abdomen 6" below waist 52, butt 54, upper thigh left 31, upper thigh right 30, calf left 19, calf right 20, upper knee left 24, upper knee right 23. That's a grand total of 441. My weight on that day was 256. Letting Ryan be my score keeper was huge for me, I never ever ever told him how much I weighed. I was being honest with someone, and it was really working.
Pictures are of a wedding when Jude was about 6 weeks old, around the same time we took the kids to a park with a furry animal character, and the last pic is of the first day I became brunette. :)
Song: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner, Fall Out Boy
Friday, June 10, 2011
Stages of me, Part 2. (the hardest)
So really this is the part I have been dreading. I am totally honest now. I wasn't then. I hid as much as possible. I realize now, my size was no secret. I knew leaping off the cliff of quitting smoking forever meant my metabolism might never recover. After I lost my first pregnancy, I couldn't tell myself it wasn't my fault for being so unhealthy. (I stopped my caffeine over dosage and cigarettes when I found out but it was probably too late.) I quickly gained 40lbs after stopping and then I got pregnant with Miles. My life changed, it wasn't about me anymore. It was awesome and devastating at the same time to watch what I knew of my youth disappear and what looks I had left. Miles made me into a mother and I got my famous tunnel vision and I shut my self off and out. Finally I felt worth something. Its a great feeling and its really easy to just quit on everything else. You can rationalize giving up for a higher purpose and the guilt price you pay for "me time" is enough to make anyone feel bad. I stopped looking in the mirror, at a point I stopped dressing myself in the morning I just wore my pajamas all day. I had enough momma joy to close out the rest of myself really I still was happy or so I thought. Our first made us so deliriously happy we decided to try for a second when he was 13months old. Yahtzee! We didn't have any trouble conceiving Jude, before we could even think about pros and cons. They were 23months apart. I know I was really heavy when I became preggers with Jude, although I had no real idea how much until my first appointment, because I never weighed myself, it hurt too much. Trust me the truth sucks. I started my pregnancy at my first appointment at 219. I now hate the scale at the doctors, but at the time the sweetest person ever weighed me and supported me at those appointments, it made it sort of bearable because outside my close family and friends she was my only friend.( we still facebook don't we Carrie?). I would be there a lot too, I had made myself high risk being so big. I spent the last 2 months of my pregnancy feeling enormous laying on my left side as much as possible and taking care of a soon to be 2 year old. As I lay there, I thought, I will never lay around like this as long as I live again. I still though somehow when he was out if I just tried to do a little better it would come off eventually, I had no idea what life would have in store.
I didn't want this in the paper, this was hard for me. Enclosed 2 pictures of me fully pregnant the first with miles, second with Jude(bigger, biggest ever at 298), and after the rock bottom picture. This last picture is the one I dread everyone seeing. It made me the saddest. It was true, all of my clothes rode up when I sat, I was so depressed. If I didn't have those 2 angelic little faces to look at and not myself, I don't think I would have ever gotten out of bed.
Raining in Baltimore, Counting Crows
Raining in Baltimore, Counting Crows
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Stages of me. Part 1
Song I remember from my wedding most:
Satellite, Dave Mathews Band
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Hot hot heat.
Oh my goodness this has been an interesting week so far. Last night around 1230am Jude, woke me up I gave him some medicine because he had a decent fever, it did not go down. We ended up hauling ass to children's hospital after the intern answering the phone scared the shit out of my half asleep self and my husband. We sat up close to all night in the ER. After speaking with the doctors, turns out the pain medicine prescribed was not enough to bring down the expected fever. Lesson learned, we move on, thanking god for nothing serious, but feeling a little stupid. I usually throw in that I am an RN when we have anything to do with healthcare, I didn't mention it this time, my ass was embarrassed. So I slept a totally of about 4 hours. 2 before our field trip and 2 when we got home. Not to mention my mother came over in the middle of the night so we didn't wake the old one too, so my help for today is also really tired. Most people having the week I have had would not be doing a 10 miler today. I am not most people.
This morning Jude woke up without fever and with a smile. Mom showed up around 10am, I GO. It feels hot outside and I did hear in the back of my tired brain that it was an ozone action day, so I figure pretty humid. I bring a little extra gatorade. Well that was NOT ENOUGH. I didn't realize it was 94 in the shade. Yes ladies and gentlemen my stupid ass ran for 2 hours and 15 minutes and I ran through the hottest part of the day. I kept wondering why none of the runners that are usually there weren't there. DUH. DUH DUH. seriously DUH. I did only sync 9.2 on my garmin because I did have to pee and paused it, forgot to turn it back on. Thanks shit head tool amanda, now all the melting isn't really "real" on flux.
While out melting in the heat I did have a few things running through the old fried peanut head of mine... First I am definately getting a visor for running with my bday gift certificates and new shoes, its already time again! Second I was seeing mirages. Yes, I was. Seeing things like leaves on the track transform into bugs, like a transformer. Also I thought a tree stump from far away looked like a person on their knees holding up a wiener dog like you would play 'airplaine' with a baby. It did scare me a little. Around my 5th mile I started walking a little each mile, it felt like "the wall" was on my back. Third I was thinking about leaving. I didn't but I was a little nervous about being dehydrated. I got the shivers and chugged 24oz of gatorade at mile 5. Then I was still so thirsty I finished my water, and gatorade by mile 7. I was desperate so I did the unspeakable. I filled up my hand bottle with *gasp* spout water. EWWWWW. I am going to get the stomach ebola. I have see dogs lick the damn spicket. I wasn't about to throw in the towel after already kicking 7 of my own ass miles. So I probably drank some horrible germ or parasite, but it didn't make sense to not do it at that point. Mind you the sewage treatment plant is littlerally 1/2 mile from there and these are like well springs, fantastic. I am starting to realize that this blog has no rythm, i am getting the thoughts out, aware its a ramble. Ryan likes it when I ramble on after a long day cause he said its "funny".
Today after having the sleep I had and the heat I was not a happy camper. I was enjoying songs with the "F" word in them, singing along. I am glad I didn't injure myself but I do have to say I have unspeakable chafe today. I am well aware my guardian angel could have put a foot up my ass, very appreciative I am not sick or injured, I deserve that chafe I still enjoyed myself and I am totally proud of my stupid ass for not quitting. Next time, we insert sleep and intelligence. I will be getting up as early as possible once my life levels off. And I am not going to dress modestly anymore. Its got to be stuff that looks like shit on me now. I wore a t shirt today and my shorts and it was too heavy. Its time for singlets and showing of my chub even more. Yeah baby let me shake it for you! HAHAHAHA. Um maybe I should go eat something, or puke, or soak my head. Today I actually said "Oh thank god" when I sat in the ice bath, it actually feels good now, I could have fallen asleep.
Time to end this bad boy before I say something really stupid, cause its a dumbass kinda day.
This song is explicit:
Hate You Song, Reel Big Fish
This morning Jude woke up without fever and with a smile. Mom showed up around 10am, I GO. It feels hot outside and I did hear in the back of my tired brain that it was an ozone action day, so I figure pretty humid. I bring a little extra gatorade. Well that was NOT ENOUGH. I didn't realize it was 94 in the shade. Yes ladies and gentlemen my stupid ass ran for 2 hours and 15 minutes and I ran through the hottest part of the day. I kept wondering why none of the runners that are usually there weren't there. DUH. DUH DUH. seriously DUH. I did only sync 9.2 on my garmin because I did have to pee and paused it, forgot to turn it back on. Thanks shit head tool amanda, now all the melting isn't really "real" on flux.
While out melting in the heat I did have a few things running through the old fried peanut head of mine... First I am definately getting a visor for running with my bday gift certificates and new shoes, its already time again! Second I was seeing mirages. Yes, I was. Seeing things like leaves on the track transform into bugs, like a transformer. Also I thought a tree stump from far away looked like a person on their knees holding up a wiener dog like you would play 'airplaine' with a baby. It did scare me a little. Around my 5th mile I started walking a little each mile, it felt like "the wall" was on my back. Third I was thinking about leaving. I didn't but I was a little nervous about being dehydrated. I got the shivers and chugged 24oz of gatorade at mile 5. Then I was still so thirsty I finished my water, and gatorade by mile 7. I was desperate so I did the unspeakable. I filled up my hand bottle with *gasp* spout water. EWWWWW. I am going to get the stomach ebola. I have see dogs lick the damn spicket. I wasn't about to throw in the towel after already kicking 7 of my own ass miles. So I probably drank some horrible germ or parasite, but it didn't make sense to not do it at that point. Mind you the sewage treatment plant is littlerally 1/2 mile from there and these are like well springs, fantastic. I am starting to realize that this blog has no rythm, i am getting the thoughts out, aware its a ramble. Ryan likes it when I ramble on after a long day cause he said its "funny".
Today after having the sleep I had and the heat I was not a happy camper. I was enjoying songs with the "F" word in them, singing along. I am glad I didn't injure myself but I do have to say I have unspeakable chafe today. I am well aware my guardian angel could have put a foot up my ass, very appreciative I am not sick or injured, I deserve that chafe I still enjoyed myself and I am totally proud of my stupid ass for not quitting. Next time, we insert sleep and intelligence. I will be getting up as early as possible once my life levels off. And I am not going to dress modestly anymore. Its got to be stuff that looks like shit on me now. I wore a t shirt today and my shorts and it was too heavy. Its time for singlets and showing of my chub even more. Yeah baby let me shake it for you! HAHAHAHA. Um maybe I should go eat something, or puke, or soak my head. Today I actually said "Oh thank god" when I sat in the ice bath, it actually feels good now, I could have fallen asleep.
Time to end this bad boy before I say something really stupid, cause its a dumbass kinda day.
This song is explicit:
Hate You Song, Reel Big Fish
Monday, June 6, 2011
Happy Birthday
Couldn't ask for a better present, Jude came through surgery just fine. The biopsy was normal, they left everything where it was. I went all Jerry McGuire when the surgeon called us in the waiting room. I was yelling and crying. After I sobbed the news to all the grandparents on the phone I realized the waiting room was full. I had more than a little tunnel vision. It's been a long day. We don't even have to stay there he did so well. I am going to bed at 6:45 pm because I am wrecked, and will be awakened more than once. I am NOT complaining. I got this. I needed to hear that biopsy was normal, the other piddly crap that moms deal with, small price to pay for a happy healthy kid. Daps and Pounds do the Holy Father. *point up*
Hey Jude, The Beatles
Hey Jude, The Beatles
Saturday, June 4, 2011
A new low!
Well did the Darlington Derby and I ended up placing 3rd in my division! Also a new racing PR. 30:35. I can't believe I toyed with the idea of not being excited. That is pretty fricken impressive, one year ago today on the same course I ran 7 minutes longer. I am still growing as a runner, and a person.
In my mind as I ran my heart out I kept thinking of Jude, my sick kid; he's watching me finish. I can't give up for him, I won't let him give up, I have to give everything in here.
I hit my inhaler 3 times, yeah that more than I am allowed. But I did not stop or even walk. Just busting out all I could. I actually could see Autumn for the first 2 miles! I have to say wearing fitted garments, no matter how uncomfortable have improved my time, also peeing out pee before the run will really bank the minutes! :)
I love the people that have to do with this race. It was for cancer research, flip-flop for a cure, they are all super nice people. The did and awesome job, it's a fun race.
I am just now sitting down and realizing I broke 30minutes. I have been in 32 land for a long time. I am pretty excited! I am never going to be need a course map at a race because I will always have someone to follow that's just fine with me. Being better than yourself, that's winning for real.
Florence and The Machines, Kiss With a Fist
Ps, The Kenyan PR's today too! Something sick like 26:15, she took first in our group. Awesomeness in our little circle.
In my mind as I ran my heart out I kept thinking of Jude, my sick kid; he's watching me finish. I can't give up for him, I won't let him give up, I have to give everything in here.
I hit my inhaler 3 times, yeah that more than I am allowed. But I did not stop or even walk. Just busting out all I could. I actually could see Autumn for the first 2 miles! I have to say wearing fitted garments, no matter how uncomfortable have improved my time, also peeing out pee before the run will really bank the minutes! :)
I am just now sitting down and realizing I broke 30minutes. I have been in 32 land for a long time. I am pretty excited! I am never going to be need a course map at a race because I will always have someone to follow that's just fine with me. Being better than yourself, that's winning for real.Florence and The Machines, Kiss With a Fist
Ps, The Kenyan PR's today too! Something sick like 26:15, she took first in our group. Awesomeness in our little circle.
Friday, June 3, 2011
One year racing
Tomorrow is the Derby. It's funny how not excited I am. I mean I am a little, but lets not go crazy here. I wasn't even planning this one. I paid for Warrior Dash at Christmas time and we had a hotel reserved and everything. Not anymore that has all been scratched due to recent kukups in Manda's life. I feel bad my Kenyan friend paid her way too and isn't going either. But at least she'll be Derby-ing with me. Kind of funny how I have been brought right back to where it all started.
I think this will be good for me, you know to see how far I have come. I will compair times maybe do a little then and now thing. Time to beat 37:19. *grin* That was my first time. Oh boy. My most recent race time 32:44. My PR (not a race) was 29:15. So i don't want to jinx myself, but I think if I pee first this time, I could do better if I really try :)
Lately I am feeling like a caged animal. So much swirling in my brain like a giant toilet making me dummer. I can barely speak sometimes I am so distracted by 'what if's'. I am trying to behave and save it for my training and race, if my husband was home today right now able to watch the kids, I would already be a mile from home before I typed the end of the sentence. I guess I am lucky he's not. I am just saying tomorrow will be more than a race, I have something to shake off and anger is good gasoline....
Justice, Rev Theory
I think this will be good for me, you know to see how far I have come. I will compair times maybe do a little then and now thing. Time to beat 37:19. *grin* That was my first time. Oh boy. My most recent race time 32:44. My PR (not a race) was 29:15. So i don't want to jinx myself, but I think if I pee first this time, I could do better if I really try :)
Lately I am feeling like a caged animal. So much swirling in my brain like a giant toilet making me dummer. I can barely speak sometimes I am so distracted by 'what if's'. I am trying to behave and save it for my training and race, if my husband was home today right now able to watch the kids, I would already be a mile from home before I typed the end of the sentence. I guess I am lucky he's not. I am just saying tomorrow will be more than a race, I have something to shake off and anger is good gasoline....
Justice, Rev Theory
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Just a note
Intense stress today. Took my little one for his ct scan today. :( I am wrecked he had a great time with a few moments of not fun. They are going to biopsy his neck on monday along with the other stuff he was having done, we will be spending the night at the hospital. Can you pray for us?
Jesus Was a Cross Maker--Warren Zevon
Jesus Was a Cross Maker--Warren Zevon
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
AHHHHH! SNAKE, snake, snake thats a snake!
The run today was awesome. It was hot, sticky, and i smelled spoiled but my legs never complained, and neither did my lungs. I really enjoyed it. I was scheduled 6. I did 8.6. Here's my exuse i changed up my plan after I got hurt I was to do 5 last week I did 6. And next week I do 9. I figured split the difference, I was planning 7 in my head, but no lighting bolts from god today. It was awesome.
I think I need to work on my running smile. I ran the split half going oposite direction for even wear on my shins. As I pass people I always smile or huff out a "morning". Today we had a lot of goofy looks. I think maybe its because I am purple, sweating, and my mouth is open to breath anyway. I just kinda smile and open my mouth bigger. I think that it looks like I am going to eat them, maybe they are scared. I think some are just too old and ignorant to realize maybe I don't think I look so awesome I have to face them, maybe I am doing it for another purpose. Bottom line better watch that nose in the air, might rain....
I do have to lay down a couple shout outs. Pink shirt- I think you are awesome. I think you kept your pace just awesome. And don't you ever stop running! Also Mom with stroller and 25 lb child in baby bjorn: Holy awesome girlfriend. I know you did at least 4 in that heat with that load on your chest(beautiful kids too!) I hope you didn't think I was being weird when I stopped and asked you to read Run Like a Mother. I am all about how tough that is, be proud of your self.
When I got home feeling a little more than over heated, I realized I was locked out. In the 5minutes it took for my husband to get someone to come let me in, I pulled off a screen to the garage and killed it. Sometimes I get a little woozy and stuff doesn't make much sense. He was not happy. Um sorry brain has not been refueled yet. I am dry and clean and safe in my air conditioning now. Thank goodness, thank you mother in law.
I love running! Happy National Running day!
Song: Joan Jett, Bad Reputation
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