yep I'm still not running. I am not hurting at all. trying to behave myself. almost to 2 solid weeks not running. It's getting old. I am starting to want a punching bag. THIS girl is going to hit the gym next week. No runs but getting really to start pushing the weight again.
I want to run...but I'm not.. that's all.
this blog as of right now is alllllmost to 8500 views. holy.crap.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
marathon epilogue
This was the first year I was sturdy on my feet enough to actually walk back to the car. Duuuude that is the crappiest part. The good thing about being last last year was that Hubbs brought me the car and threw me in and drove me back to the hotel. This year I didn't do the whole medical tent deal, I just shot them a lame shotgun pointer finger. Why do I do that? I can't stand the lameness of the pointing I did at people during the race. It's like some lame oldster in a disco saying things like Dyn-o-Mite! I don't know why but I did A LOT.
Walking back to the vdubbs though brutal, I finally dismissed Hubbs from walking with me to go get the car and pull it up to me. Every step really does come with a vowel, or noun, or verb of some type. We ended up staying together and I walked the whole distance to the car. I got in and he took me back to the hotel. We got all our stuff together and checked out of the hotel after I got my shower.
On the way home we had to stop for food or potty like 6 times. It was a long ride home. I got craky by the last 20 minutes in the car cause it hurt. By the time I got home and off my sore butt it was already 5pm. Waiting on my porch was one of the biggest Mumms I have ever seen with a note from my Aunt Sherry. :) And then My mother in law brought my boys back bathed with dinner for me and Hubbs. I am so blessed to have so many people support this/and or me. I just really appreciate it all. Thank you everyone for your support, help, and prayers.
I am glad it's all said and done. I am proud of myself. Really.
Walking back to the vdubbs though brutal, I finally dismissed Hubbs from walking with me to go get the car and pull it up to me. Every step really does come with a vowel, or noun, or verb of some type. We ended up staying together and I walked the whole distance to the car. I got in and he took me back to the hotel. We got all our stuff together and checked out of the hotel after I got my shower.
On the way home we had to stop for food or potty like 6 times. It was a long ride home. I got craky by the last 20 minutes in the car cause it hurt. By the time I got home and off my sore butt it was already 5pm. Waiting on my porch was one of the biggest Mumms I have ever seen with a note from my Aunt Sherry. :) And then My mother in law brought my boys back bathed with dinner for me and Hubbs. I am so blessed to have so many people support this/and or me. I just really appreciate it all. Thank you everyone for your support, help, and prayers.
I am glad it's all said and done. I am proud of myself. Really.
9-16-12 Erie Marathon race report
I was up at 3:30 am. I admit it. I sat on the couch in the hotel room and looked through my phone in the dark. I am looking at pictures of my boys and I started my slow burn. This is scary to me (racing 26.2) because I have kids. I am not at all afraid I can't, or that I will get hurt, I am afraid of not coming home to them. I said some prayers and admittidly cried a little, or if you will leaked some awesome.
I got dressed and suited up smoothly. Everything planned out. We left in plenty of time. We arrived to the park with enough time for me to walk from the parking lot with Hubbs in the dark. Presque Isle is pretty dark at night and the stars are amazing. It was nice to take time and look up.
Not much to say about the darkness and waiting for the gun to go off. I just felt buzzed. I love this crap, not many people understand it except for the group of about 700 fellow psychos standing next to me. You get excited even if it's a contact high.
It took me about a minute to get over the start this year. I lined up with the 11 pace group. The course was beautiful the mood was light. I didn't leave the group right away this time. The first 2 miles I tried to slow myself down but I did 2 10 minute miles. Then I stopped off to pee at at restroom. It's not as bad as some people I saw 'watering' trees that includes a T-100(meaning a running tool) girl she didn't even bother to hide. I actually looked at a runner beside me and said "HOLY SHIT". It really was amazing to me, but during the marathon there are no rules its a crazy dash and privacy and modesty slow you down.
The first 10k was pretty cool. Happy and smiling Manda the whole way, chit chatting a little with others because I was still in a pack. Around mile 5 though I was so concentrated on the good vibe I wasn't paying attention to my GU. I opened it and decided i wouldn't take it all in one bite, as I ran it blobbed out down the side of my fingers and everywhere. I think well sticky is no fun but I am going to ignore it. About another mile down the road I got salty sunblock sweat in my eye and quickly went in for a wipe, ah with the sticky hand. I didn't think about that until after I had glued my eye lid open. Yes, I totally did. My right eye from about mile 6 until about mile 14 was glued open. This year I brought sunglasses thankfully I just put them on. It just made me smile more to know under those glasses I looked like FireMarshallBill.
The second 10k I began seeing fasties from the Half marathon. And they were wizzing by me. I continued to enjoy myself. Every once in a while I would shout to someone passing me because I like to encourage others especially when they close a 1/2 hour gap like that. I crossed the half way point in 2:30, and skipped on down the road. still not totally solitary. We were weeding in numbers. The stronger ones had gone on ahead but there were a few right with me. I think that only one other woman and like 3 guys, and we stayed together most of that 3rd 10k. We all talked a little. Hubbs met me on the side of the road with a bottle of nuun and beef jerky, I told him he looked sexy. After 14 miles a man waiting for you with beef jerky just is sexy. Just about right then when I got to far from him to justify turning around my left foot started to hurt under the laces. I began dreaming out finding ibuprofen on the ground. But I kept on with my fellow runners. I noticed around 15 that I lost my Pearl Izumi arm warmer, just one of them. DAMNIT> I was sad :( they are cool. I tied the other around my belt as tight as I could at that point and kept going.
I saw my mom around mile 18. She crossed the race course to get to me and had a baggie of beef jerky a bottle of nuun and a banana. I took the jerky and nuun. She asked how I was I told her I would prostitute myself for a tylenol. She went across the street and gave me an Aleve out of her purse, I took it on my way down the road thanking her over my shoulder.
I was stretching out on the course very few stragglers on my radar the same 3 but we weren't together now. I am still feeling good. Even at the 20 marker where Hubbs was I was still pretty good, I was happy with this race so far. I didn't take another bottle of water with nuun I told him to leave it for me on the other side on his way back through to the finish. I never did get that bottle. Around 22 I started getting pretty tired. I started throwing in walk breaks and eating my beef jerky. I got a little crampy at one point and I actually took a dry nuun tablet and tucked it in my cheek. Mind you these tablets are kinda like alkazelter and they are delicous with water, they are not so good when you are frothing at the mouth and have to swallow it. But at some point you go with what works for what you need. As I made the last turn to run back the last 4 miles all the water stops were so encouraging. It really was not as scary as last time. My foot was hurting but not enough to stop I kept my form strong the whole time. I tried to encourage those I past along the last stretch. Telling them how far they had left and asking them if they wanted some of my beef jerky. They all looked like I felt last year. I was running strong just taking walk breaks for rest at that point.
At mile 23 a miracle, my arm warmer just laying there for me to pick up. I bend over and picked it up and waved it around my head like helicopter and shouted WOOOOHOOOOO BABY. There was one older gentleman on my 6 the whole time he laughed at me. I really don't mind. I was tripping on the wall. In fact at this point my MP3 player started playing manomanah. The muppets song. I found this hilarous. I kept going and I played it on repeat like 3 times. I sang along. Why was this on there? Not entirely sure but how funny! At the end of the line I let my MP3 player roll and I think the last song I heard was Fall Out Boy, Where is your boy. Because I took off my belt in the home stretch and threw it at my mom and yelled "pick up my shit!" I can't tell you why I did that. I hate a belt but I should have just left it on. Whatever you do weird stuff when you are a little dry.
So I double timed it in. I remembered not to hug the lady with the medal. She asked me if I wanted a chocolate milk and I yelled "AH HELL NO I'LL THROW UP" I found Hubbs and mom and went and sat down in the dirt then I laid down in the dirt. I needed a rest. I am happy to report I did get up and walk my butt over to the food and eat before we left. My time clock time 5:29:01. My chip time 5:28:41, I looked it up later.
I know this is so much shorter than last year, but I didn't think much. I loved it, I was so blessed to be able to do it again. I was fortunate to have an excellent summer training injury free and smooth race!!! Really I want to do another one next year. The jury is still out on this of course I need to get back to normal first. I still have quite the runners high. if anyone is paying attention that is 30 minutes difference from last year. :O And about 50 others finished after me.
I got dressed and suited up smoothly. Everything planned out. We left in plenty of time. We arrived to the park with enough time for me to walk from the parking lot with Hubbs in the dark. Presque Isle is pretty dark at night and the stars are amazing. It was nice to take time and look up.
Not much to say about the darkness and waiting for the gun to go off. I just felt buzzed. I love this crap, not many people understand it except for the group of about 700 fellow psychos standing next to me. You get excited even if it's a contact high.
It took me about a minute to get over the start this year. I lined up with the 11 pace group. The course was beautiful the mood was light. I didn't leave the group right away this time. The first 2 miles I tried to slow myself down but I did 2 10 minute miles. Then I stopped off to pee at at restroom. It's not as bad as some people I saw 'watering' trees that includes a T-100(meaning a running tool) girl she didn't even bother to hide. I actually looked at a runner beside me and said "HOLY SHIT". It really was amazing to me, but during the marathon there are no rules its a crazy dash and privacy and modesty slow you down.
The first 10k was pretty cool. Happy and smiling Manda the whole way, chit chatting a little with others because I was still in a pack. Around mile 5 though I was so concentrated on the good vibe I wasn't paying attention to my GU. I opened it and decided i wouldn't take it all in one bite, as I ran it blobbed out down the side of my fingers and everywhere. I think well sticky is no fun but I am going to ignore it. About another mile down the road I got salty sunblock sweat in my eye and quickly went in for a wipe, ah with the sticky hand. I didn't think about that until after I had glued my eye lid open. Yes, I totally did. My right eye from about mile 6 until about mile 14 was glued open. This year I brought sunglasses thankfully I just put them on. It just made me smile more to know under those glasses I looked like FireMarshallBill.
The second 10k I began seeing fasties from the Half marathon. And they were wizzing by me. I continued to enjoy myself. Every once in a while I would shout to someone passing me because I like to encourage others especially when they close a 1/2 hour gap like that. I crossed the half way point in 2:30, and skipped on down the road. still not totally solitary. We were weeding in numbers. The stronger ones had gone on ahead but there were a few right with me. I think that only one other woman and like 3 guys, and we stayed together most of that 3rd 10k. We all talked a little. Hubbs met me on the side of the road with a bottle of nuun and beef jerky, I told him he looked sexy. After 14 miles a man waiting for you with beef jerky just is sexy. Just about right then when I got to far from him to justify turning around my left foot started to hurt under the laces. I began dreaming out finding ibuprofen on the ground. But I kept on with my fellow runners. I noticed around 15 that I lost my Pearl Izumi arm warmer, just one of them. DAMNIT> I was sad :( they are cool. I tied the other around my belt as tight as I could at that point and kept going.
I saw my mom around mile 18. She crossed the race course to get to me and had a baggie of beef jerky a bottle of nuun and a banana. I took the jerky and nuun. She asked how I was I told her I would prostitute myself for a tylenol. She went across the street and gave me an Aleve out of her purse, I took it on my way down the road thanking her over my shoulder.
I was stretching out on the course very few stragglers on my radar the same 3 but we weren't together now. I am still feeling good. Even at the 20 marker where Hubbs was I was still pretty good, I was happy with this race so far. I didn't take another bottle of water with nuun I told him to leave it for me on the other side on his way back through to the finish. I never did get that bottle. Around 22 I started getting pretty tired. I started throwing in walk breaks and eating my beef jerky. I got a little crampy at one point and I actually took a dry nuun tablet and tucked it in my cheek. Mind you these tablets are kinda like alkazelter and they are delicous with water, they are not so good when you are frothing at the mouth and have to swallow it. But at some point you go with what works for what you need. As I made the last turn to run back the last 4 miles all the water stops were so encouraging. It really was not as scary as last time. My foot was hurting but not enough to stop I kept my form strong the whole time. I tried to encourage those I past along the last stretch. Telling them how far they had left and asking them if they wanted some of my beef jerky. They all looked like I felt last year. I was running strong just taking walk breaks for rest at that point.
At mile 23 a miracle, my arm warmer just laying there for me to pick up. I bend over and picked it up and waved it around my head like helicopter and shouted WOOOOHOOOOO BABY. There was one older gentleman on my 6 the whole time he laughed at me. I really don't mind. I was tripping on the wall. In fact at this point my MP3 player started playing manomanah. The muppets song. I found this hilarous. I kept going and I played it on repeat like 3 times. I sang along. Why was this on there? Not entirely sure but how funny! At the end of the line I let my MP3 player roll and I think the last song I heard was Fall Out Boy, Where is your boy. Because I took off my belt in the home stretch and threw it at my mom and yelled "pick up my shit!" I can't tell you why I did that. I hate a belt but I should have just left it on. Whatever you do weird stuff when you are a little dry.
So I double timed it in. I remembered not to hug the lady with the medal. She asked me if I wanted a chocolate milk and I yelled "AH HELL NO I'LL THROW UP" I found Hubbs and mom and went and sat down in the dirt then I laid down in the dirt. I needed a rest. I am happy to report I did get up and walk my butt over to the food and eat before we left. My time clock time 5:29:01. My chip time 5:28:41, I looked it up later.
I know this is so much shorter than last year, but I didn't think much. I loved it, I was so blessed to be able to do it again. I was fortunate to have an excellent summer training injury free and smooth race!!! Really I want to do another one next year. The jury is still out on this of course I need to get back to normal first. I still have quite the runners high. if anyone is paying attention that is 30 minutes difference from last year. :O And about 50 others finished after me.
september 15th
I don't have a lot to say about pre race day, it was a crazy hot mess. I had to get the kids to grandmas, and get ready.
On the way there we had to drive an hour out of the way to stop at a VW dealer for coolant. Apparently, Volkswagons have magic pink coolant that is made from the glitter than Unicorns fart and that is the only coolant you can put in my vdubb. If we put USA coolant in it the car would die. So being already "late" by my standards we picked that up.
On the way there sitting with Hubbs in my vdubbs, there was various discussion that all came to one point, I tend to be an ass when I am nervous.
We finally made it to packet pick up and I lined up for my race bag. Same dude at the window. He doesn't remember me. He shouldn't recognize me, or remember me. He's polite and conversational I take my bag and walk away. I still didn't feel like looking around at the race expo, I was ready to go. So we left.
Did I feel weird at this point, sure I did. But I felt ready.
We got dinner, went to Walmart and got gas and camped out at the hotel, the mood got lighter at this point. We started having fun joking around like we tend to do, it's good to be married to someone that is as crazy as you are. We don't spend enough time together.
I didn't sleep well or easy that night. I tried, it didn't happen. I wanted to get this race over with.
On the way there we had to drive an hour out of the way to stop at a VW dealer for coolant. Apparently, Volkswagons have magic pink coolant that is made from the glitter than Unicorns fart and that is the only coolant you can put in my vdubb. If we put USA coolant in it the car would die. So being already "late" by my standards we picked that up.
On the way there sitting with Hubbs in my vdubbs, there was various discussion that all came to one point, I tend to be an ass when I am nervous.
We finally made it to packet pick up and I lined up for my race bag. Same dude at the window. He doesn't remember me. He shouldn't recognize me, or remember me. He's polite and conversational I take my bag and walk away. I still didn't feel like looking around at the race expo, I was ready to go. So we left.
Did I feel weird at this point, sure I did. But I felt ready.
We got dinner, went to Walmart and got gas and camped out at the hotel, the mood got lighter at this point. We started having fun joking around like we tend to do, it's good to be married to someone that is as crazy as you are. We don't spend enough time together.
I didn't sleep well or easy that night. I tried, it didn't happen. I wanted to get this race over with.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
the short of it.
Nothing like me leaving you hanging on forever....
We Erie was a success. It was really a great race. I have a lot to say but i am still resting up getting my "shit" back together.
My time 5:28:41 per my chip. I checked the results from the timing services 50 some finished after I did. I shaved a half an hour and did not finish last. Shattering all my expectations really. There will be a couple marathon blogs coming up.
Note after running and getting home onto my bed on sunday around 5pm I called my patients for the next day to schedule. Then after a very short restless night I worked Monday and was on call monday evening. Today I was off but I am the definition of exhausted. Today I got to the grocery store and by the time I pushed my cart up the small grade to my car I realized I had dropped tangerines every few inches. I am sorry to say I littered but I didn't have it in me to go back and pick them up.
I am just going to spew crap on the key board if I start the recap now. I need another day or two to really absorb all the awesomeness.
Understand I am sore as hell, upright, and still on a runners high.
love to all. blog soon
We Erie was a success. It was really a great race. I have a lot to say but i am still resting up getting my "shit" back together.
My time 5:28:41 per my chip. I checked the results from the timing services 50 some finished after I did. I shaved a half an hour and did not finish last. Shattering all my expectations really. There will be a couple marathon blogs coming up.
Note after running and getting home onto my bed on sunday around 5pm I called my patients for the next day to schedule. Then after a very short restless night I worked Monday and was on call monday evening. Today I was off but I am the definition of exhausted. Today I got to the grocery store and by the time I pushed my cart up the small grade to my car I realized I had dropped tangerines every few inches. I am sorry to say I littered but I didn't have it in me to go back and pick them up.
I am just going to spew crap on the key board if I start the recap now. I need another day or two to really absorb all the awesomeness.
Understand I am sore as hell, upright, and still on a runners high.
love to all. blog soon
Saturday, September 15, 2012
going off to erie
Here we go kids.
I should be packing the car. I am freaking out. I just realized I blocked all that "freaking miracle" stuff out this last year. I let it back in. I am overwhelmed with it all again. Now I go with my game face to packet pick up a new girl. I got to the race the same girl as last year. I put freakng miracle back on my shirt this year, I am representing me 365 days ago. I am shaky today I admit it. But understand.... It's on baby.
love you guys for all your support I take you in my heart with me.
I should be packing the car. I am freaking out. I just realized I blocked all that "freaking miracle" stuff out this last year. I let it back in. I am overwhelmed with it all again. Now I go with my game face to packet pick up a new girl. I got to the race the same girl as last year. I put freakng miracle back on my shirt this year, I am representing me 365 days ago. I am shaky today I admit it. But understand.... It's on baby.
love you guys for all your support I take you in my heart with me.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
traning completed
I did my last run before this years erie marathon. I am trying not to get all gushy here but I pulled out the box. What's the box? it's a shoe box of my shirt from last year i raced in, my number, peices of the race I kept like my foil blanket, and my finish line picture. I am not wearing that shirt ever again it was meant for that day, but I tried it on. I am wierd I guess I just wanted to see if there was a difference from last year. I know this shirt is a little bigger but I am not seeing this huge difference I am supposed to be seeing. I don' think I ever will I guess. It feels like with all the work I put in it should be huge but maybe it just isn't? But I passed my fingers over all the things from last year I felt were so valuable that I had to save forever and I am a little choked up. I was so disgusted with my finish line picture I never framed it. I am not the best looking girl ever, and last year I was really ashamed to line up looking the way I did. You ever just realize how brave you were and shudder? I did. I was so close up in it all I just assumed the position I was sensitive about my size but I kept my head up. It's been a whole year now I am actually proud of that girl I was. I hope I can only do her justice this year.
I am ready to start packing for Erie now. Prayerfully meditating about the days to come.
I posted this video last year and took it down 5 minutes later because I was ashamed of my size. This is the last 200 meters of my marathon. I was in pain. I was in shock. I still think about these last few yards and my ears buzz and i get goose bumps. I am ready to post it now.
I am ready to start packing for Erie now. Prayerfully meditating about the days to come.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
no time for taper madness.
I am thinking I maybe in the violation of the no whining zone so I am going to make this sound as positive as I can.
The last week at my job was insane complete with my weekend on duty I am just exhausted. I am trying to cultivate this into goodness. Last year I was freaking out every 5 seconds about the race. I was packed like a week before, I was so worried about everything I wasn't really nice to be around. Well now I am so busy with my other commitments in life the time is on warp speed and hasn't slowed for a minute. That's good i guess. I am trying to work on hydration this week and maybe stocking up on my supplies if I get a minute. I am almost out of foot goop!!! (eucerin cream) It's amazing the difference a year makes.
This morning was my second to last work out before the race. I set out for an easy 3 and it turned into speed work. I just needed to leave everything on hold and really shake it off. I really tried to slow down but my feet didn't get the message. It felt good though. I could of went all day. I guess it's a good idea to wait for sunday.
I will run one more time Thursday... that's all my life permits, it's okay though I am resting.
I am ready for the race unprepared, packed or whatever, I NEED 26.2 of vacation. I can't wait.
weight today 165 even.
The last week at my job was insane complete with my weekend on duty I am just exhausted. I am trying to cultivate this into goodness. Last year I was freaking out every 5 seconds about the race. I was packed like a week before, I was so worried about everything I wasn't really nice to be around. Well now I am so busy with my other commitments in life the time is on warp speed and hasn't slowed for a minute. That's good i guess. I am trying to work on hydration this week and maybe stocking up on my supplies if I get a minute. I am almost out of foot goop!!! (eucerin cream) It's amazing the difference a year makes.
This morning was my second to last work out before the race. I set out for an easy 3 and it turned into speed work. I just needed to leave everything on hold and really shake it off. I really tried to slow down but my feet didn't get the message. It felt good though. I could of went all day. I guess it's a good idea to wait for sunday.
I will run one more time Thursday... that's all my life permits, it's okay though I am resting.
I am ready for the race unprepared, packed or whatever, I NEED 26.2 of vacation. I can't wait.
weight today 165 even.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
10days to go
The countdown starts. Today I weigh 168. BOOOOOOO.
I have gotten down to 159 but it involved a colonscopy and laxatives. But I have been holding 165. I have managed to eat and stress up to 168. I am pissed. At me mainly. I am at the actual best shape of my life- ever. I am a size 8 dress, size 10 jeans, size small or medium workout clothes, I think I am huge lard ass. I need to snap out of this. I know marathon can do this. I knew it would that was one of the reasons I didn't want to do another full for awhile. I am hungry all the time. Why am I not enjoying how far I've come. Now I am not so much dieting but I am watching and recording everything. I am eating whenever I feel hungry but I am pissed off, everywhere I go I have healthy snacks like apples and protien crap but I am ready to stop the maddness! This is the hard part of training for me. I feel like I am undoing everything. BULLSHIT.
I will get there someday to 155. Probably not by race day. Me and all my extra butts are going to run 26.2. I REFUSE to gain anymore, but again I am not dieting. I sit here typing this in my 'skinny' pants, this scale has got me upset. I am going to blow a microchip. only because for years I let the mirror lie to me while the scale told the truth. If it's the other way around, muscle/fat argument than whatever I still feel like I have let myself go.
today is a Limp bizkit day. I recommend Break Stuff.
I have gotten down to 159 but it involved a colonscopy and laxatives. But I have been holding 165. I have managed to eat and stress up to 168. I am pissed. At me mainly. I am at the actual best shape of my life- ever. I am a size 8 dress, size 10 jeans, size small or medium workout clothes, I think I am huge lard ass. I need to snap out of this. I know marathon can do this. I knew it would that was one of the reasons I didn't want to do another full for awhile. I am hungry all the time. Why am I not enjoying how far I've come. Now I am not so much dieting but I am watching and recording everything. I am eating whenever I feel hungry but I am pissed off, everywhere I go I have healthy snacks like apples and protien crap but I am ready to stop the maddness! This is the hard part of training for me. I feel like I am undoing everything. BULLSHIT.
I will get there someday to 155. Probably not by race day. Me and all my extra butts are going to run 26.2. I REFUSE to gain anymore, but again I am not dieting. I sit here typing this in my 'skinny' pants, this scale has got me upset. I am going to blow a microchip. only because for years I let the mirror lie to me while the scale told the truth. If it's the other way around, muscle/fat argument than whatever I still feel like I have let myself go.
today is a Limp bizkit day. I recommend Break Stuff.
Monday, September 3, 2012
10 more closer to Erie
So yesterday I ran my last double digit training run. A mere 10 miler, it was quite the nasty humid run. I confess to loving it though. The rest of the day I kind of dragged my butt around. Kind of like my brain pulling my fatness around in a rickshaw.
I am in a crunchy mood this weekend. I have several theories as to why that it may be, none I'm sharing but if I was a cartoon there would be little sizzle marks above my head. Somethings bothering me. Probably the taper madness
Something happens when you start to taper down your mileage.
1. you feel fat. I feel enormus, flabby disgusting and hungry. It's complicated. I didn't think by now I would still be staring down my goal wieght I thought I would have it by now. I wanted to put freaking miracle on my chest again but because I thought there was a big difference, I wanted everyone there if they were there last year to recognize me and see I kept going. Silly I know but it kept me going. Now I am starting to doubt i look much different or even good at all. I feel yucky. Not a freaking much of change so lets just run and forget everything i guess? I have confided in Hubbs, he thinks this is silly and has tried to tell me otherwise....doubt is a side effect of feeling fat.
2. everything annoys you. It does I think my house is super disorganized and needs to be scrubbed everywhere. It does, I have been cleaning and organizing but it's becoming a thing that is affecting my comfort at home. It's imperfect everywhere it must be set right or else.
3. you get emotional. I am, probably because endorphin withdrawl, or the fact the dreaded first day of kindergarten is tomorrow. or because I am old or something. I am secretly bummed trainings almost over. And the other end I am sort of happy too.
4. you turn off all future plans post race. I have not considered anything after the race yet I am trying to figure out things and it all seems like it may never happen. I have set a clock all to September 16th and up till then I know what I have to do, after that I'm screwed. I think I have a 12 hour work day after the race. You do silly things in your head and say, yeah if I make it with both legs home....
5. you are tired. I am more tired than I have been all summer. Since the 22miler I don't just drink coffee I exist with it. If you find me anywhere look in my left hand, see it's a coffee cup. I had one at walmart grocery shopping this morning, just like a child has a sippy cup. It's not froufrou either it's straight up black coffee. At 4 pm it's cold from the pot from the morning. I know it's nasty and necessary.
6. You start shopping like gu and shoes will never be available anywhere. this is self explanatory.
7. you get stoopid. explain things slowly to me. don't mind my grammar or typing. I am tired. I am really emotionally and mentally preoccupied. I am not crying or eating right now, give me a free pass okay? Not to mention I am working a fairly new job that requires most of the brain. I do stupid crap like forget to bring money to daycare, or leave my lights on my car, turn in forms unsigned. I forget birthdays. I am just really sqeaking by on what is left of the seat of my pants.
8. with 13 days to go you start to get obsessed with what if's. what if it rains, what if it snows, what if i poop my pants... what if presque isle breaks off and floats away.
9. you become sensitive. don't criticize me, don't yell near me, i am tired, annoyed fat and stoopid I will probably cry.
10. It's hard to act natural. I just want to pretend sometimes I am not a running fool in order to take a little panicking break and then someone brings it up. I am excited but I am stressing. I haven't been bringing it up around people that don't know about it. And the interesting thing when you get caught with a little teasing about it. You really want to make fun of someone this dedicated? whatever.
11. you get by with a little help from your friends. I went to church by myself saturday night, and I had communion. I am glad I had a chance to get it before the race. It seems silly but this is some serious shit. I know that. I know god is with me all the time. But it makes a difference to me. I feel renewed and ready now. Please keep me in your prayers, I know I can go the distance but you really do so much better with you friends holding you up.
12. you strangle yourself to not do math. I promised myself I wouldn't calculate my pace and give myself an expected finish time. It creates panic. I am not pacing myself. I don't really even want my garmin with me. I will take my garmin but I will NOT do the math. I worked too hard to ignore it. I really want too see the difference in time this year but I am wanting to settle in and really enjoy the race, and make that time a sweeter finish line. The only spoiler alert I will give is that it will be better than 5:58:50 this year.
Race is 13 days from today and I am already ansty as hell. Please be kind to me I am just trying to clip clop on by until it's time to line up Sunday morning 9-16-12.
Alex Clare, Too Close
I am in a crunchy mood this weekend. I have several theories as to why that it may be, none I'm sharing but if I was a cartoon there would be little sizzle marks above my head. Somethings bothering me. Probably the taper madness
Something happens when you start to taper down your mileage.
1. you feel fat. I feel enormus, flabby disgusting and hungry. It's complicated. I didn't think by now I would still be staring down my goal wieght I thought I would have it by now. I wanted to put freaking miracle on my chest again but because I thought there was a big difference, I wanted everyone there if they were there last year to recognize me and see I kept going. Silly I know but it kept me going. Now I am starting to doubt i look much different or even good at all. I feel yucky. Not a freaking much of change so lets just run and forget everything i guess? I have confided in Hubbs, he thinks this is silly and has tried to tell me otherwise....doubt is a side effect of feeling fat.
2. everything annoys you. It does I think my house is super disorganized and needs to be scrubbed everywhere. It does, I have been cleaning and organizing but it's becoming a thing that is affecting my comfort at home. It's imperfect everywhere it must be set right or else.
3. you get emotional. I am, probably because endorphin withdrawl, or the fact the dreaded first day of kindergarten is tomorrow. or because I am old or something. I am secretly bummed trainings almost over. And the other end I am sort of happy too.
4. you turn off all future plans post race. I have not considered anything after the race yet I am trying to figure out things and it all seems like it may never happen. I have set a clock all to September 16th and up till then I know what I have to do, after that I'm screwed. I think I have a 12 hour work day after the race. You do silly things in your head and say, yeah if I make it with both legs home....
5. you are tired. I am more tired than I have been all summer. Since the 22miler I don't just drink coffee I exist with it. If you find me anywhere look in my left hand, see it's a coffee cup. I had one at walmart grocery shopping this morning, just like a child has a sippy cup. It's not froufrou either it's straight up black coffee. At 4 pm it's cold from the pot from the morning. I know it's nasty and necessary.
6. You start shopping like gu and shoes will never be available anywhere. this is self explanatory.
7. you get stoopid. explain things slowly to me. don't mind my grammar or typing. I am tired. I am really emotionally and mentally preoccupied. I am not crying or eating right now, give me a free pass okay? Not to mention I am working a fairly new job that requires most of the brain. I do stupid crap like forget to bring money to daycare, or leave my lights on my car, turn in forms unsigned. I forget birthdays. I am just really sqeaking by on what is left of the seat of my pants.
8. with 13 days to go you start to get obsessed with what if's. what if it rains, what if it snows, what if i poop my pants... what if presque isle breaks off and floats away.
9. you become sensitive. don't criticize me, don't yell near me, i am tired, annoyed fat and stoopid I will probably cry.
10. It's hard to act natural. I just want to pretend sometimes I am not a running fool in order to take a little panicking break and then someone brings it up. I am excited but I am stressing. I haven't been bringing it up around people that don't know about it. And the interesting thing when you get caught with a little teasing about it. You really want to make fun of someone this dedicated? whatever.
11. you get by with a little help from your friends. I went to church by myself saturday night, and I had communion. I am glad I had a chance to get it before the race. It seems silly but this is some serious shit. I know that. I know god is with me all the time. But it makes a difference to me. I feel renewed and ready now. Please keep me in your prayers, I know I can go the distance but you really do so much better with you friends holding you up.
12. you strangle yourself to not do math. I promised myself I wouldn't calculate my pace and give myself an expected finish time. It creates panic. I am not pacing myself. I don't really even want my garmin with me. I will take my garmin but I will NOT do the math. I worked too hard to ignore it. I really want too see the difference in time this year but I am wanting to settle in and really enjoy the race, and make that time a sweeter finish line. The only spoiler alert I will give is that it will be better than 5:58:50 this year.
Race is 13 days from today and I am already ansty as hell. Please be kind to me I am just trying to clip clop on by until it's time to line up Sunday morning 9-16-12.
Alex Clare, Too Close
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