Why I am the way I are...

Well this is basically not about my training more of an talk. At the doctors the other day, a large man entered the door and my oldest said "he's fat mommy". My heart sank. This was probably my fault. I am the one who may have used that terminology in front of him more than anyone else. I explained to him what he said meant, and that it would hurt that man's feelings. I am sure he heard it too. I was ashamed of myself for failing my kid, and hurting that poor man's feelings. 
This draws me back to being a kid myself, how did I come to even care? Being a woman, there is a standard placed on all of us that some will never reach. I remember being a very young child and play mates telling me a was the fattest girl on earth.  Am I mad? Never, just a fact of life they were kids too. I also remember my brother countless attacks because it worked on upsetting me. Did he mean to hurt me, no not the way it did.(my brother is one of my biggest fans now) I was told my a male adult in my life at the age of 10 to suck in my gut constantly. (not my dad, not in my life anymore either)
As I became a woman the body image got worse. Trying to fit in is so hard when you don't look like everyone else. I didn't have a lot of cool clothes because I didn't fit them. Dressing rooms often places of tears.  Gym class was so stressful, to have to take off my clothes in front of girl who were so normal. Don't get me started on boys, until they all became interested in boobs, I was off the radar. My mom had struggled my entire life with this also, she would diet and try to get me to join her. I wanted to, but I was so ashamed I couldn't get past being a teenager.
When I met hubby I was overweight, he loved me anyway. I was instantly in love and gained a good bit and he never noticed. I went up and down, smoked and not smoked he has NEVER noticed. He's always been awesome. That's unconditional love people, and it has saved me from hurting myself with an eating disorder, its just saved me period. I don't like to think what life would be like without having met him.

I really wanted my kids to be sensitive to this, thanking god they aren't girls, I still want them to understand how fragile and insecure this can make you. I know he's still 3 for like 2 more weeks but he already hurt someone's feelings! He almost cried after I explained it. We talked about god loving everyone the way they are. And also about how some cannot help the way they look. I need to remember to watch my step, not with just them but anywhere. Over half of our country is overweight or obese. My guess is the overwieght portion 99.9% feel really bad about themselves and how others percieve them and treat them. There is a sort of racism or even a type of bullying I think. People think its funny because they are warped for some reason. It's an addiction side effect, a side effect of poor knowledge, or even a side effect of poverty (healthy shit is expensive). This country is in trouble, these people are hurting, and its not a joke. I am not for people just remaining obese, it needs to be controlled, but in the same breath, I WOULD NEVER TEAR DOWN ANYONE emotionally because of the condition of their health. We are all humans, you don't become a laughing stock when you fall off the wagon. Acceptance is deserved to everyone no matter who you are..If you ever went through this you would understand.

Kelly Clarkson, Because of You

dance with me!

Went clothes shopping last night. I'm smaller. The scale is a stubborn p.o.s. but Manda is offically melting again! Down a bra band size and cup size. In letter sizes down a letter. Down to a size 12 shorts in misses, bought a 16 in juniors because I wanted shorter shorts. I bought a swimming suit for the first time in years(at least 8)  with the intent of someone SEEING it. It's a little exciting even though I haven't lost in almost an entire year, progress is happening!

Lets all do the 'Carlton dance'! Tom Jones, Not Unusual

Thank goodness

I get sooooooo freaked out when its time for new shoes, the slightest twinge of leg fatigue/pain I go into autopanic.Oh god, its over I'm injured< what shall I do with my life, oh noooooooo.  I am cranky too. Sorry hubby. I did go get some new shoesez, and I wore them. Jackpot baby, I'm back in business! YEAH> I can breathe a half a sigh. Race isn't over yet though.... I ran 7 today. Only scheduled 6 but legs felt good, and its 80 and beautiful good luck slowing me down. I was so hot today the icebath was warm by the time I got out.
I tried a new pair of actual shorts today. They are underarmor 7" inseam heat gear. It makes a giant difference in being cool, in temperature anyways No so much for looking cool... But you can imagine if you have read more than one entry I was ashamed of my varicosity laiden sagbag thighs even giving a little cleavage. At first, before sweating they rode up big time. I am thinking I am going to run the MFT and these will end up behind my ears. As I soaked everything they stayed put. They are definate keepers. They do tend to stay i would say 3inches above my comfort line, but its hot and if you are looking at my legs you try to control yourself. I know I make them look damn good. (okay that's what I call smack talk to cover my insecurity). I don't know if I will bring myself to wear fitted stuff with the shorts, a long shirt is comforting, thats going to be ballsy, but in august when I do my 20 miler, i will be as close to naked as I can get with out chaffe, sorry on lookers she's taken!
Hubby did some retooling of my playlist lastnight, thanks hon for managing to get MMmBOP on there, I love the hell out of that song>THANKS A WHOLE LOT....REALLY>>>> EH LOVE IT>>>>eh.

Kickn ass run song of the day: Diamond Eyes, Shinedown

Damage control....attempt

I went to the gym because after a semi really nice day and playing with my kids in the yard, right when it was time to leave I heard thunder crack. It was god saying "don't push it Fink". I went to the gym hit the treadie, no garmin so no ticker advance for the 3 I did. It was hotter than it should be in there. They had the doors closed cause it was monsooning. I mean at least 100. I got 35 minutes in and that is after i took a short break to run to the locker room and take a gel. Something just wasn't right. everything feels a little weaker, i didn't eat and drink enough my first theory. Probably right too. I took a gel went back and i just felt strange on the mil, my gait weird, every step seemed weird. The truth is since i pushed the kids in the jogger I have been getting shin splints. I though the hunching over to push was the cause, as poor posture will cause that. But it has continued nagging me that its time for new shoes. I didn't want to spend the money yet because all the books say its not time yet. But the body gets what it wants. I am sorry to say I didn't go to Lloyds for this pair I bought last night, but i did buy a recovery pair the week before, I go there cause he's awesome he doesn't charge more and he's full of great advice. I went next door to Dunham's just to see if they had the exact pair of asics I have been running in. They did. I stood post 100 degree run, soaked and stinking by the shoe stock room door. The salesman raises and eyebrow when he sniffed my presence, I told him size and model he hands me a box. I march right up and pay and go home. Hell with it, we don't mess around with preventable pain, vacation next week or not. Every time I get new aches and pains I panic until I am sure I can still run, however minor it may be. Its so much of my happy I don't want it go away. I am taking today off even though its no big deal just trying to be a smart athlete. Probably going to gain a shitload after all that junk and not enough butt busting. Oh well better to be able to run forever than just this week and get benched. I will do 6 wednesday as scheduled. If I am still feeling it tomorrow during the run I may take it easy just to be responsible, even though I am already feeling major agitation from not exhausting myself yesterday.

With a Little Help From My Friends, The Beatles. ( dedicated to my legs)

Happy Easter

Well..... Easter came and went yesterday. I spent the morning with family and really didn't do too awful bad, then I went to work. Every single one of the 5 Nurses' Stations I am in charge of were stocked with candy, baked goods, fried things. I have a sugar problem. I don't buy much at home, when you can smell butter creme as you do your work, you tend to gravitate towards it unconciously. I am calling that occupational hazard. I actually tripped *cough* and a cupcake jumped in my mouth, I had no choice but to swallow. And then after that, I spent the entire night in a sugar blur. You can compare that buzz to being under the influence, I was no longer able to control my actions as far as eating went. So unfortunate misstep, causes dieting suicide....at least for the day. It's all their fault. *shit eating grin* 
Honestly is gross: Today I run at least 5. I go tonight, not this morning because I am full up to my eyeballs, and I need to um well....poop.  And because of my little slip off the wagon, I will be even slower and probably sweating sticks of butter,  these runs are mentally cleansing  and physically suck ass. I deserve the punishment for being an ass. Last year I didn't even lick my fingers when I served cake at my kids parties.
I think we all need a better way of celebrating holidays. The savior died for all of our sins but I don't think we should turn around and commit gluttony. Mad at myself, being pissed helps with the damage control workouts. This week i'll be walking funny for sure.
As punishment all workouts this week will have this song in the shuffle: MMM Bop, Hansen 

Pigpen

You have good runs and bad runs in patterns. Its even more bipolar with asthma. Other factors that can affect your run: 1 being a chick(hormones), 2. Being full of lactic acid. 3. Wearing stupid outfits. 4. aging shoes. 5. Not enough sleep. 6. Seasonal allergies in every season. All of which on this day were affecting me.
Today you could look at me wrong and I might cry. It's the 'mones. All that stuff fights me when I run, it wants me to stop and eat chocolate. I say HELL no. But it slows me down, and its screwed up recently I think I may be fortunate soon to get the anmenorrhea that real runners get. Hurry up and make up your mind because the fight that rages in my body is pissing me off. Not to mention the other hormonal side effects coming about recently such as the mustache I must rip off once a month. Trust me it's hot, but i'm a married girl I can't be showing that to all the men, they may get the wrong idea. No beard though....not yet. And I happened to notice how well I am starting to turn my own stomach with my nasty smell. I think its time to switch to dude's deodorant. When I got out of the truck realized it was humid and took of my long sleeves, caught a wiff and almost puked. What the hell all I did was sleep? NASTY. I am pretty sure that's a reason to start trail running, hide in the woods because I stink. I think everyone I past down wind had bitter beer face! I fear the sweating will get worse this summer and no one will want to be my friend.... even my toddler ran to me and let me pick him up then wanted "down" right away. You know when your hubby says "damn you are really smelly", time to change game plans. Hopefully I find something that works. Maybe I should stop chowing spinach and artichoke hummus until then? Amen.
I also wore some new capris, testing them out. Um meh. Not liking them. Standing still they pack it all in, and make me have very strong looking legs like flo jo ( only enormus), but moving they aren't super comfortable. I had to do a pee stop and struggling with them I actually peed down my leg.. Wow now I really smell. Then I stuff myself back in, its not right of course, kinda like trying to put on a wet swimsuit. Underarmour eventually evens out and moves with you, this other off brand just binded me and lumped everywhere. Thank god no chaffe but those capris will be reserved for early short 5 am darkness. So feeling like a dude again I am trying to "adjust things" while smelling terrible. And not to forget wheezing, and snotting everywhere. I'm tired. I wish I could pay for a good nights sleep, I would mortgage my house.
I did 4.5 miles today. in 56 mins. I am super slow. Even dailymile ticker not functioning correcting today. Everyone is bass ackwards.
Avril Lavene, What the Hell?

I must be invisible, does that mean I have super powers?

So I think I have been doing the class I have been at on fridays for at least 2 months. When I started someone pulled me aside and told me to take it easy because I was new to it, and I might hurt myself. That's okay people always see me differently if they don't know me. I look like I never exercise if I were a skinny girl when fit. I smiled and continued on with the 80 year old broad next to me and had fun. This person must have never noticed me because during today's class she stopped and wanted the new people do the exercise with her first before the song started to explain the move correctly. I was talking to someone beside me, and she called me out and made me do the reps for her. Doesn't she remember me? If I were more sensitive I would be slightly offended. I don't give a crap when she's there, so why would she notice me? Not that I haven't stood behind her for almost every friday for 2 months, who cares? But the fact there were lots of faces I had never seen, and I was probably the biggest made me want to blow off the class and go out with the gun show and finish my strength training. I finished the class because I am loving the results. I am not saying in a public forum that I don't like this woman. No, I just wish sometimes I looked as fit as I am. She's actually not that bad, she's funny. Its not her fault, she's at the top of her game, and its her job to make sure beginners don't get hurt.
I am seriously considering the tummy tuck.....someday. Maybe just dreaming of it.

Dave Mathews Band, Satellite 

Thoughts on yesterday's run

Well, I've been in a hurry lately, but I have been thinking of somethings to talk about.

First of all, Black Shorts- were is you hydration young lady? I ran 9 miles yesterday you were there for about 5-6 of them and never took a drink! I know I am faster for hydrating, if I didn't I would just be crawling.... just saying I feel your pain today cause I bet your ass is hurting big time. But I do have to say that's pretty damn tough of you!

Second if anyone cares, why so much pink? I wear a lot of pink. Because its absurd, I am nor have I ever been girly. I am so shy about myself and my body in person, and while exercising it's hilarious to me to wear neon pink. Back in my larger days I used to wear a shirt that said "you're not that bad, I'm just that awesome" I was like 250 sporting that, but it made me laugh.

Third I really felt smelly yesterday, if anyone caught a wiff  (walkers) as I past you I am sorry, maybe you should keep up as incentive to not have to puke. :) I am not going fast at all, you could keep up!

How many infections and colds will I get until the MFT any guesses?What is up with that seriously? I don't understand I am the healthiest I have ever been, and the sickest at the same time.....

I need an alias/nickname. I want to make a shirt for the marathon, want to put my name on it and on the back my streetcred. Except I don't have one yet! Any suggestions, I won't be offended, I love being off color.
I was thinking of : The turtle, Snots, Chunk, SuperChunk, Last, Rocky's Fink.... lets hear suggestions.

I have given up on being annoyed with people staying to the left even when they are walking. I give up. Just please smoking is the same as kicking me in the knee cap, just stop it.

Lastly if you can't smile, or you aren't smiling during your work out or at least at the end, you are doing it wrong.

song: Alien Ant Farm, Smooth Criminal

Small victory.

Hey hey I didn't do anything fast, but I made it out the door people! And then I did a 9er. The sun was out and it was warm and breezy.
4:30 am we heard an awful noise, sounded like a freight train, it was high winds and a thunderstorm trying to suck away our house. Ryan and I grabbed the kids, woke them up(damn!) and took them to our basement where it was safer. We lost power so we had candles, flashlights and the police scanner. Down trees everywhere. Kids are up playing by candle light, awesome dad goes and fires up the generator at 6am and wakes up everyone around (sounds like a sick lawnmower) but at least we had coffee, tv and flushability! Thanks honey we love you, you're awesome and still very much my favorite dork.
Kid number 2 fever finally down enough for me to go run, I myself not feeling the best make a split desicion after sudafed gives my face a slap of chuck norris. I am grateful sudafed. I get all dressed, no filtered water eww! Well I do tap and move on, but I don't like it one bit. I made it to the track and cracked out my 9er, with only 5,000 texts for my mom to make sure he is still fine, I have a major worry issue. 
I stopped at lloyds running shop to buy some new everyday soft shoes, got the Asics Gel Nimbus 12, super squishy and lovely cloud shoes. I will be wearing them all time when not sleeping or running for comfort. I shot the breeze with him for a while, got more gu, another lovely lloyds shirt and a recovery roller "the stick", because that has to be cheaper than a massage. Then, I went shopping after because we are running low on kid food, by the time i got to people food I was hurting. Time to go home. I'll go back tomorrow. I actually bought beef jerky and ate it, just looked good to me. think I needed some salt. Then I go back home to be puked on (its a daily thing not a worsening), and climbed on and yelled at by Kid number 1. I am tired. But so pleased for my small victory, and thank you lightning Mcqueen for the 20minutes of quiet for the blog, and thank you mother for putting up with your crazy daughter.

song: Amerie, Gotta Work

spingd stinkds

didn't go last night. something about you kid ralphing all over you just makes you stay with them. He's pathetic still really sick. Now i am putting a d at the end of every word. Hoping I am just plagued with allergy head, lungs still feel good. We all rest today as I continue my scrub of the ages.

almost for got a song!  um how about Dora The Explorer theme? Sorry, I am foggy....

Stressss

Well i hesitate to share because it sounds like I am a horrible mother... BUT I am a talker....so I'll share. My youngest has yet other horrible ear infection in both ears. Looks like we are going to need to take him to a specialist. I am so tense about my kids being sick, I actually get panicky chest pain, and now I have a good old tension headache from my toes to my split ends. I am scheduled for a short 50 minute run today. Of course baby fever just takes a organized person's imaginary list and lights it on fire, we go no where until it breaks. So I will be doing a bed time run. I used to do that time of day all last year, Ryan came home I would take off and come home smelly. I am not a bad mom I guess, you can't control everything no matter how hard you try. Trust me I did try, that's why I used to always put them in bed an go run, letting go was hard. Still is everyday.
Hoping for just that hour for me if all is well enough. Even if its on a treadmill, we make it work. I could use the release today, intense pressure of worry. If I don't I am not going to whine, that'll be that.  I'm going to go scrub the shit out of this house now(mother's mantra).

The Beatles, Hey Jude

Going Comando

Yep that's right. Put on a new pair of under armor capris and they would not stop moving around with my stretchy undies. So I thought; oh well its pouring outside who cares anyways? They sew a crotch in these like undies, might as well see what its like. Well then I just adjusted to only capris. A very weird sensation, very weird. I have FB. No, not facebook, floppy belly. I need a tummy tuck its pretty bad too. I get asked at work all the time when the baby is due by the little old people. So doing this was definitely on my never do list. I usually wear the underarmour compression shorts then compression capris on top to keep everything as still as possible. I think maybe it's something i have been doing to make me feel comfortable, but I don't think its really helping anything anymore. Things are changing and both things do tend to move more than they used to. I am probably needing a smaller size. So I got smaller capris and ditched the undies today to see if any difference. There wasn't much feeling different, but I have no idea how scary it looks! YIKES. lol. It is definately cooler, and in the summer I will probably go with that, since running shorts are only a standing still option.
This whole run today had me giggling because of the no undiepants. The fact that it seems to rain worms this time of year made me laugh a little. I imagined myself screaming like a girl if one landed on me, out of breath or not you would hear it in the next state. My mp3 player singing to me made me laugh a little too, as Van Morrison sings Let it All Hang Out. And my own respiratory system made me laugh too, I spit on my shoulder right on top just as if I were a pirate that's where my parrot would sit. It's a good thing I am soo sore today, esp my butt muscles( i don't have glutes only tools say that). I didn't want to go really, but I went. This was a slow flopping pace :).  I am taking tomorrow off. This was a 20mile week! 

Song; Van Morrision, Jackie Wilson Said(I'm in heaven when you smile) if you run with this run commando!

am I to morn my ass?

I saw an article yesterday while me and the kids were outside playing about body dysmorphic disorder. Apparently I have it and always have. No matter what I look like it will never be right. They go on to describe extreme weight loss as traumatic. I wouldn't go that far to say this, but it is possible. I mean it really messes you up no being able to wear anything with a waist band in it, and you must go out in public in pretty much pajamas. And yeah it was hard to wear my husbands 2x tee shirt and have it ride up as I sat and my gut would hang out until I adjusted, so yeah I get their point. This article goes on to say that I need to grieve my fat as I would any other loss. Well I guess I will have to put that on my list of things to do. But at this point I guess that's been on the back burner because its not over yet. I still have weight to loose. I just was under the impression that if lost all the weight I could just be happy. This article warns otherwise. I am at risk for goofy behavior, mmmm like um training for a marathon? lol. No I think not. I will look out for this but I guess I need to boohoo for 70+inches of me that are no more. I know I haven't posted exact numbers yet. I will. I know I haven't put up any before pictures, and that I promise also. I just am not ready yet.
I can remember lots of times I cried because nothing fit me. I can remember wanting to do something about it but not being able to because of fear. My husband tried so hard to be supportive, I kept up the wall. At this point I am considering just wiping this whole blog entry and forgetting it, but maybe I should keep going. This is harder than I thought. I like to focus on the joy of things, and sometimes remembering when I could only be happy about other things that had nothing to do with me takes me to an uncomfortable spot. I felt like everyone was starting at me. I felt worthless as anything else other than a mom. I needed help and thank god I eventually asked for it.
The battle is still on. I recently ran a 5k and looked at the race picture and wanted to never eat again. I DO hate the way I look. I am happy with no mirrors in front of me.I love to run because I am underdog, I am slow looking. I want to run the marathon this way too. I contemplated the tummy tuck but if I do it, it will be after I do my MFT. Because I want to carry this sad sack all the way there. Its what keeps me going to think I can bring my ass back from the cliff to hell and cross the finish line, stretchmarks and sagging skin and all. I want to finish in front of my boys, and teach them they can do the same, and that they can be what ever they want to be.There is no limit if you try with all your heart.
I guess this is all a process and I plan to work on that. I will be sorting through my heavy pics soon and the spreadsheet ryan helped me keep tract of my measurements. I plan to share as part of moving on soon.

Stranded, Van Morrison

What wall?

Today was a good run. 12.66 on garmin in 2hrs 34 minutes I did some pauses on garmin on a cloudy day and lost about 1/2 mile distance. So that means its my farthest and faster than my last 12. :) I love you Flux you beautiful ginormus watch you.  I have to admit when I go back down to 6 again next week I'll be irritated I love pushing myself. Knowing I won't be going any farther for 4 more weeks is a little irritating even though I should be thanking god. Even as I blog I pull up a chair because I hurts to stand here now. No real injuries today, although new sensations. I tightened my shoes a little after my halfway mark because they were starting to rub. I must have tied them too tight because I lost feeling in both of my big toes after awhile. I did loosen them but it was too late. Very uncomfortable but my head was running and really enjoying it. I did also have a little asthma attack in the very beginning. Over all it was a good run. I tried some new songs, and also wore my gu belt :(. I hate it. I look like the dullest tool in the box. With my running earphones, and Flux and now this goofy glorified fanny pack I was definately pushing the limit of my 'I will never do that' list. I didn't take of the belt even though I felt huge and thought I was flaunting. Truth is I am primed for a half and I need to jump into one very soon for training, I will need that awful thing to race.
As I ran I had a lot rolling around in the noggin. Here's a sample of what I am thinking: If it hadn't been for cotton eyed Joe, I'd be married long time ago, where did you come from, where did you go?....Where did my boobs go? I look flat in this bra. That's a good thing, I hated my big boobs. This race belt is horrible. wonder if I could make a hat with gu's in it. yeah sew them on look like dread-locks. Damn hats make me too hot. I wish I could still wear it on my head like a jug, that's cool. What country do they do that in? Guess I have to stick it out with this thing. Cotton-eyed Joe makes me think of high school dances. I miss high school. I can't believe it isn't a  school anymore. I wonder if I could wear my old bra and put my gu in there? eh probably rub a hole in myself. My shoes are awesome. oh what's the pace? ooh look at me. still wearing this damn belt. Hope nobody notices. I am so glad I added cotton-eyed joe to this he's been married long time ago....

And friends that is what I call crazy. I didn't feel horrible at the end. NO wall today. No need for swearing songs. I finished to; I Believe I Can Fly, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies

Back to Life

We got to the gym and preschool today. Everybody was well today. I did my strength training and bike time. I hate the bike, and I hate strength training.  BLAH.
Refreshing to be back to the routine.
Song of the bike today: Wipeout, The Fat Boys
12 in the Rain tomorrow :)

Not so fast nice day, you're not going anywhere.

So it's awesome outside today, at least just for the morning. 78.2 degrees on my window thermometer as I type. With the sickies yesterday improving and working I couldn't get out that door. Today I wanted to so bad. This morning the boys are better but not perfect, they are bored with being stuck inside. I deviated from our usual gym in the morning. I dusted off the double jogger, that honestly I have never pushed with a run, we headed for the track at the park. I managed to make it around 3 times. Flux didn't want to locate satelites in the trees at first but I didn't stand still either, I wanted to take advantage of the happy child time, I got approx 2/3rds into my lap before Flux decided to come along. I am doing calculations in my head: approx 80lbs of kid and that stroller is about 40 with the steering little off and tires little flat. That's like 120lbs of effort pushing and running. I felt like I was standing still, we had to stop a few times for snack breaks and adjustments but after 33 minutes they had enough. We pack up into the van go up the hill to my moms beauty shop, she's not busy so I asked to go run around the neighborhood just to get another mile in or so. So happy she didn't mind. Her streets are actually nicer they aren't all lumpy like our hood. So I got like almost 4.5 miles out of today, and realllllly worked out. I could consider this a hybrid of strength and run. And with the heat, I for sure kicked some calories!My form was kinda bad so i have a feeling soreness is in my future.
Hoping tomorrow to be at the gym for strength training and bike, as long as the kids stay healthy, also after this month though, not holding my breath! Alternate plan is aerobics video in the basement :). You gotta be flexible as a mom and do what you gotta do!

Old school throw back song: BRock and the BIZZ, MyBabyDaddy ( oh yeah I went there, you're welcome for getting it stuck in your head)

I Christen thee Flux

So I couldn't live with my run yesterday. I was like a half asleep slither. So I say those are junkmiles. I go out for a run at the track today after breakfast with the garmin, breakfast in belly with coffee. I am aware my running books say NOOOOO. But with screaming sick children, and the week I had and the anxiety after a shitty run like that I said OH YES. Anxiety meaning loud thoughts of failure in training. Trust me I was feeling like just running my own little marathon and never coming back, but I kept my head on. Not super fast, only just shy of 4 miles. 3.9 I took an icebath to try to cleanse myself of breaking the rules.
I have a snotty nose. Probably whats progressing in the house. Even though I feel fine I doing overtime with vitamin C. But the point I am making is, snot was plentiful so I was trying to be descreet with my rockets because there was a few more people than usual. But contents under pressure go farther, it was like shooting a gun. Then the garmin, now referred to as Flux got it right in the screen. Gross, accidental, but funny kinda like marking my territory. Now it's family. If you steal it, you are getting it allllll. Hahaha. The run was much better than yesterday. Flux says I am much faster than Nike+, also why I LOVE Love love it.
I was happy to see so many people out at the track today! Everyone really working on it.

Song. Kelly Clarkson, Longshot

Intellegence comes after coffee

So I was so excited to get outside and use that gigantic watch I rolled up out of bed at 4:50am. Then the baby, for no reason got up and then woke his brother, and I began to see half dressed in my gear my run was fizzling out before I got my pants on. So I think, here's and idea, I'll take a gatorade prime and a bite of a banana and I'll be fine, just a short run. I was victorious in getting out the door, I hardly noticed the rain.(but still partly asleep) Its dark, the back light is cool, but I wish it would stay on. Probably smart cause I would step into something, or run into something its so awesome. I am okay the first mile, I don't stop up my hill I always have to walk on, I run up another small grade then something starts to happen. I look down at the garmin I swear it says "you suck" I stop in a parking lot to change the playlist. We know, er cough, I need to stop. I run home, stop a block early with the intension of running down my street up the drive way. I walk. I am zapped. I had side stit
ches, my lungs hated me too. I should understand by now, spring allergies not taking my 2 allergy meds and leaving the house was asking for trouble. I thought I was being smart taking a singulair before bed, nope doesn't work as good that way. So from now on I understand, peanut butter nana half sandwich and 1 cup coffee is the gas this early, then we must wait until we um... go to the bathroom. I am not a smart woman until I have my morning coffee.
I have been planning to dis my huge watch, but trust me it's the coolest ever. Its very clunky infact it has a nickname already THE FLUX CAPACITOR. It reminds me of Marty's watch on Back to the Future. Trust me I know what I nerd I am, but I am getting over it. So freaking cool. But for sure not sexy, it's the minivan of garmins. It repels coolness while still be pretty neat.
I am not exactly proud of my run this morning only 33 mins and I only covered 2.533, I may get out and do more if time permits, but I am afraid with these sick kids I forfeited the rest of the day. I was out today thinking/knowing we can't get to the gym because of this. Maybe if I have time later I will do a dvd in the basement and some free weights. If not I have learned to take the time when you have a chance!
song: Incubus, Pardon Me

GET UP BAMBI! YOU MUST GET UP!

Oh okay you don't feel inspired when you hear Bambi's dad tell him to get up or he'll die in the fire? I spent the day watching movies with the boys. As promised I went to the gym and slugged out 10 big ones. I was slow, it was slow. The damn thing shut off twice. I do have to say had a pleasant chat with girl next to me around mile 7, I think i dicked off for that whole mile, I could have been faster. I could have also stayed home too, but I went. Can I tell you I will not williningly do over 5 on a treadie ever again? If I have to for MFT I will but, it was brutal and I loathe it. I ended my run with and ice bath while eating a Mcdonalds Hotfudge Sundae, with Ryan sitting on the toilet eating one to. (Mini-date) I can't wait for bed.
I didn't get to use my new gigantic watch yet but I did take a picture. Enjoy, stop laughing! Its not that bad. Its super cool, in a Napoleon Dynamite sort of way.

This ones dedicated to the treadmil: Break Stuff, Limp Bizkit

2:30am

I think I am dreaming and roll over and see a little face in my face, it's my oldest "Mommy I don't feel very good". He's burning up. Okay I'm up lets go get some tylenol, then we go to his bed where I hear the youngest wimpering. He doesn't wimper he's a screamer, I go check, I can see the flush on his cheeks in the dark-damn near on fire. So oldest goes to sleep, and youngest is now super pissed until tylenol kicks in. It kicks in thank god. Until I was fully awake I almosted marched him to the emergency room. He starts to feel better and we turn on the movie "Cars", he plays on top of my husband and I, kick and punching, until he falls asleep. I swear the alarm for my husband went off a minute later. I call my mom this morning, "Stay away we have the plague". She isn't feeling so great either. I think I brought this disease from work, I feel like a jerk. At least I can stop taking the antibiotics, I think its viral if everyone has it.
Plans for today have changed. I do feel better though so I WILL be running. Question as to when and where. Today I will be chasing kids with tylenol and popsicles and diapers(here take this, drink this, let me see if you pooped). Tonight I will be doing the 10 miler via treadie. Either gym(better option more to look at, I do enjoy the gun show... wink wink, if hubby isn't too late tonight) or basement drywall staring.
Well this is an obvious suck situation because my babies are the world. Silent suck I just got a garmin forerunner, and it doesn't work on a treadie so it will wait until I can get outside. I will blog the details when I do, its a 305 so it's gigantic but the price was right for a mom of 2 going on vacation in the month with shoe destroying feet. So stay tuned. And I will blog at least to say I finished my 10, damn it I am determined to stay on training.
song: ATL, weightless

Warning: May cause diahrrea....

Oh yeah. My antibiotics say that right on the bottle. Now, I am a nurse, I know that most antibiotics cause that. But that was right on the bottle, oh what fun! It actually made me laugh and I put it on my facebook status...whatever. I feel much better today, still feeling goofy ears and scratchy throat but slowly improving, I will be going tomorrow hell or high water. I practically busted down the door to the local health store to buy some probiotics and took them immediately.
I am actually getting a little antsy. I thought I would include this lovely photo of my 2 week old healing blister. Not as angry as it used to be and shoes are no longer irritating it. Enjoy. Damn my feet are oogly.
Song: Blister in the Sun, Violent Femmes

Presents from the kids

Well wonderful saturday run, I was happy just about all day until about 5 pm at work. Then it hit, I got a migraine. I wanted to go home, but I made it until 11:15 and went home and melted into my bed. I got up in the morning, freezing, with a sore throat, yep a fever. DAMN IT. So I wait for the local in and out clinic to open and I am there exactly 1 minute after it opens. They do a rapid strep, its negative but I do have a fever. I am told to stay home from work. I gladly did it. I spent the whole day on my back sweating it out. I wake up this morning after the best night's sleep in 2 weeks, seriously I never moved, or got up to pee the whole night. Very rare sleep indeed. I feel a little worse. My ears aren't working.... again and now I sound sexy. (hoarse joke). I am calling the doctors today for a follow up course of antibiotics promised by the lady examining me(we are becoming chums, i am there all the time it seems) if I didn't feel better. Hopefully I get what I need. I don't want to be stupid but I don't want to miss my run today. I may have no other choice, I am definately not taking this hot mess to the gym with my kids, but later who knows how I will feel. Oh shut up asshole you shouldn't be running is going through my head. I probably won't even get dressed today. 10 miler wednesday will REALLY suck if I do nothing before. I have consulted my FB forum on when to push and when to be pushed in this respect. I don't expect any answer I want to hear from my local medical friends, I try to listen but these 4 walls get smaller and smaller in between runs. So if I am miraculously recovered i might jump a treadmil tonight and stare at the speck on my dry wall for a while. But the way I feel now, I think my mp3 player my blow my head off my shoulders. Thank you children for sharing your love and germs with me, I am grateful.
Slow song: Practical Amanda, Ben Folds

Saturday off of stress week

I have been having myself a busy week between taking my kids to the doctor, and everywhere else on gods green earth, Hosting 2 very small birthday parties for the same kid, and wedging in a funeral. I have missed tuesday's cross training, and friday's body pump. A testment to how human I am. I was zapped for energy last night as I pulled pizza and cake out of my butt(not litterally) and a semi-clean house for company. You know how busy you are when some one asks you what town your husband is in this week and you honestly don't know because there was no time to talk or even text.
I was happy to go out the door into the spring snow and go on down to the track. I wasn't the only person there, but it was sparse, just like I like it. I wore my Asics again, I was dreading it because the blister has been angry. I took a literal handful of eurcerin and blobbed it between the bandaid and the sock and tied my shoes super tight. A huge difference. I cracked out 5 miles with no pain and no re-opening. I can not recommend greasing the crap out of your feet more. Make sure the shoes are tight so you don't slip in your shoes and hurt yourself, but if you have skin that is super sensitive, GREASE those babies! If your blister isn't bad, you don't need a bandaid cause that may come loose and make it worse, mine was super open, so I applied cream on top of a fresh bandaid. I swear I spend at least 100 bucks on bandaids a year. No JOKE.

I also left nike + at home, boo hoo for you jerk. It was so nice to take a break from looking at my wrist. Watching the robins hop around, and enjoying myself. Even taking time to notice, they cleaned the pottys! Wow, I was actually thinking of doing it myself it was looking rough for a while, thank you Beaver County for taking care of the park. If you caught me singing, sorry you weren't too. I love running, and I'm a goof there's your result.

What was I singing: BOB, Magic