Reflecting on 2011

This year is almost over. Wow.
I started this year a runner. I had no idea what direction I was going in. I had gained weight from Christmas and sickness and I was just looking to loose a few pounds. I was dealing with my kids being sick most often also. Any work out I would get done was a treat.

A few months into the year a good friend, Paula recommended I read Run Like A Mother. I did and it inspired me. I started toying with the idea to run a marathon. Googling things and researching I found that nothing is really celebrated about average larger people running these races and decided I needed to. For whatever reason I found a close by marathon and signed up. I jumped in an ice bath in February, I wanted it bad! I also read Marathoning for Mortals, and used their training schedule, I was on fire. For some reason a lady with a 1 and 3 year old, I still felt like I could do it.

A couple weeks into my training a got a call from the local paper. (an excited family member called them) I was in the paper, not just a tiny little note in the back, a huge color article and a page and a half on Sunday. I didn't know what to think about all of that at first but it has been great for me. Being honest and putting myself out there gave me no where to hide and it has blessed me. I have made some awesome friends. It helped keep me going when things got rough.

In the spring, my babies turned 2 and 4. They continue to grow everyday, reminding me to enjoy them as much as I can. We took a vacation for the first time since out honeymoon, at which time I was slightly injured and forced to rest my legs. When we returned around the time of my 31st birthday, actually that day my son had tubes put in his ears and also a biopsy on an inflammed lymphnode. I can honestly say the moments leading up to the words ' Not Cancer' where the scariest ever.

In July I ran my first 10k. Yeah a couple months away from my first marathon...I know.. I know I was so naive. It was that time that I learned around what time I would finish the marathon for my pace, it would be close to 6 hours. I had to accept all of that and move on as I was training. That same month I developed ITBS and had to take some more time off and see an orthopedist. I was so fortunate to learn I could keep going as long as I could take the pain, so I did, slower still. I started getting weekly massages to help release the tendon. At the end of August I had gained a decent few pounds. But I made it through my long run and I was starting my taper.

The marathon was one of those days you never forget. I know its marked on my memory forever. It was nothing I expected. I made it through, I laughed, I cried, I ran, I limped, I screamed, I bled and I changed forever. I still can't believe it all. I was 3rd to last, last officially timed, I am proud of that.

A week or two later I got injured again and had to take a month off. It was depressing. I was a wreck. I did however need a break though. It was good to slow down a bit. I organized things, I got answers to questions I seek. I went to the doctor asking about my belly fat and a tummy tuck. She didn't say I wasn't a good candidate, she was ready to help me, but something made me feel like I should keep trying. I observed my life around me. My oldest son, learned to write his name. My youngest growing like a weed, but still needs me a lot. I don't know I just decided it was time to give it another big hard push instead of doing that.
It was good to have a rest, I do say the last week was horrible.
In a month I was back running again. I started counting calories around that time. It starts to work in my favor. I have been through Thanksgiving and Christmas now and have lost a total of 17lbs since then. This morning was another new low 186.2, It just seems crazy to me. I never thought I would get so far after doing all of that. I just needed to be more vigilant past a certain point I guess.

So now its December 28th, I stand looking back at 2011 and I have to say its been an amazing year. Goals for 2012? yep, goal weight- I'm coming for you so look out. I will be running my first half marathon (teehee) yeah I know I have already done a full, but I never did that distance before. I would like to get faster as the year goes by and I get smaller, but my big goal this year is the rest of the weight for the first time in a long time I feel like I can do it.

I hope all of you have a happy and prosperous New Year too, my blog family.

Song for 2012: What The Hell Is A Gigawatt, Four Year Strong

Holiday stats

Well I am up to my ears in boxes, laundry and stuff that needs to find a home. I DID indulge on Christmas eve because I had to work overtime and missed the get together I save calories for. I am guilty of having a pity party so I indulged in chocolate cookies and artichoke dip. I couldn't sleep from the tummy ache I had although I was beat tired. I ate over 800 calories extra xmas day and still went to bed with a belly ache. That morning I weighed in 190.4. I didn't cry I knew I deserved it. That day I still had cookie after cookie and fruit and what ever I felt I had to eat. The next morning I didn't weigh it, I felt gross my belly still hurt and I went to the track. It was awful, my stomach was full of rocks and I kept throwing up in my mouth and swallowing it again. I couldn't get any farther than 3.3miles. It was sick, I felt like I at least tried. I entertained yesterday with a low calorie recipe and ended up having enough calories to have a glass of cheap red before bed. So I did. This morning I weighed in, 188.2! A new low. Back on track. Tonight is running club again, hope I can keep up I still feel a little heavy, and gasp maybe a little like getting a cold or an ear infection.
I didn't measure this week, I guess I am just being lazy, I'll be back to the stats on Sunday. Now its to wash the clothes and try to put away Christmas.
Hope every one had a safe and happy holiday. It was the bees knees for me.

Silent Night

hands on face!

I don't have a lot to say yet.
Merry Christmas to me.
189.9

I know you know I had to cry a little.
Onward Friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Song for this weight: Ben Folds, Smoke

Sunday Stats 7

Not my most fabulous of feeling this week. I wasn't expecting any loss of any kind because I feel sluggish and ginormous. I took an extra rest day on Friday and I plan on a rest for today(from exercise anyway). I went over my calories on friday I had to have some real chocolate. I had a funsized m & m's from halloween. Here's the stats.

                                 12/10                                12/18
Neck                          13                                     13
Larm                          12.5                                  12.5
Rarm                          12.5                                  12.5
Chest                          40                                      39.5
Ribs                             35                                    34.5
waist                          32.5                                   32.5
floppy                        38                                      37.75
butt                            43                                       42.5
Lthigh                        25                                       25
Rthigh                        25                                       24.
Lcalf                          16.75                                  17
Rcalf                          17                                       17.5
Rknee                         22                                       21
Lknee                         22                                       21.5
Total                          354.25                                 351.25
Inches lost this week    1.25                                   3
total lost so far            86.75                                  89.75
weight                         192.6                                 191.8

Now that I measure, I can't believe I still made progress! Holy crap. This makes staying away from all the yummy looking stuff at work feel worth it! Hoping next week (christmas) is even better.
If I get a chance to post my stats, that's a busy day, I will. If not I will do day after, I will at least weigh in when I get up, or try. I do have small ones that are going to be excited and I work 3-11 the night before, I have to come home wrap and be santa before bed so we'll see. My Christmas wish is to break into the 180's by Christmas. I know I can do it too, I plan on fitting in busting my butt.

Wizards In Winter, Trans-Siberian Orchestra
(Robot Xmas is what my kids call it)

the streak continueth

Oh well, yeah we'll call this one the goob streak. I am having an interesting week. Everything is getting done, I just feel less than normal, or maybe we could say like a giant goober. Yesterday I rested, I didn't feel well at all, and sometimes I get more tired than others, that would be this week. Today I was determined to have my long day hell or high water.
It was not easy to get out the door, considering I threw up a little in my mouth while I was tying my shoes. I felt like a snake skin, dry and afraid a breeze might just blow me away. I still went down to the track. Put my tunes on, and just mustered a shuffle. I soon got too hot. I ditched my gloves and vest. At mile 3 I felt like giving up and declaring it a long day for pms. Then it started to pretty snow, I went to the truck and fished out and ancient GU from under my truck seat and ate it. I was thinking I'll just walk until I can't do much more. I eventually found myself running again. I did have to take more stops than I wanted to but I managed 6miles. I love the way snow feels on my eyelashes.
The last quarter mile was part of the goob streak. I was finally feeling it, the end of the tunnel was in reach. So I give my nose a good snort to the right and turn my head to the left and snort then OH MY LORD. Someone was coming up on my 7 I tagged them. Yep that's part of the goob streak. The horror of actually snot rocketing another person! Then I felt so embarrassed the diarrhea of the mouth starts...."I'm sorry, gawd I did that to my puppy dog last week too!" I feel the need to run faster try and pass, and I can't so what do I do? I continue to speak goob " You know Lloyds has a running group on Tuesdays at 6pm in Beaver...." I go on about how nice and lit the town is at night, and the distance and the paces. Not only did I embarrass the crap out of myself, I let them know where they can find me again. So at this point I decide to shut up, I had taken my ear bud out, I could hear the next song blaring I know they could hear it too, ABBA, Dancing Queen. Now I really just feel like the epitome of cool right? I smack my left deltoid to pause my music, I truly am still looking for that cozy rock to crawl under.  Finally end of the line, I am done they keep going thank goodness. Honestly why oh WHY did it half to be other runners I snot on? That was a first, I have never rocketed a human before.
I guess I need to yank the perspective back here. I did have a good week. I finished my Christmas shopping. I was fortunate to have the money for those things. I have a warm home to go to and let messes pile up in. I have a heart that pumps blood. Lungs that breath. Legs to make me feel like flying. Wonderful family, beautiful children. Love to spare. A dog or three to snort my mucous on too.  I thank god for all this and more.
I am off to work in a little while, I am not talking AT ALL unless spoken too.

Abba, Dancing Queen

off the wall wednesday

Yesterday was a pretty ridiculous day. So lets ridicule it. I woke up exhausted. I was kinda spinning my wheels in the morning aimlessly wandering trying to get the kids ready for school and the gym with me. I just HAD to work out since I knew I was eating out later. I must have wanted extra coffee. I took the creamer and apparently stuffed it in the coffee cup cabinet. (I found it at 4pm yummy.)
After my class at the gym, feeling ambitious I decide we need to go over to the post office, sweaty mom and all to mail a package. I didn't have a box, no problem, last time I mailed something I bought a flat rate box- easy peasy. I got a box waited, and tape (sheez) and waited to pay for it until I addressed it. After I paid for it I went to the back of our tiny post office to fill out the adress and put the box together. My son, the 2year old, is at this point laying on the ground playing with a chapstick from my purse. I sigh and ignore as I use the leashed pen. I fill it out and now my wonderful child has his shoes off. Grrrreeat, and now we are drawing a crowd. I pass the line set the box on the counter and say "Merry Christmas". The man says, "wait you didn't pay to mail that". OH, I didn't buy a flat rate box? Son of a bitch. Line is long and now Jude, has lost his patience. Mom, I want it! MOM I WANNNT IT. The lady at the front lets me line jump to pay. I really did  appreciate that. Especailly because Jude was rittling my ear drums with blasts blood curdling screams.
Later I pick my oldest up from school, in my sweats and freshly showered self, wet hair, socks with sandals. Lucky there is a line of cars and they let the kids out that way, nobody really sees me. Well that day as we got in the door, Miles pulls out a ornament from his pocket. I asked him if he took it without asking because they usually put everything in their bookbags, he frowned and started to cry. So I pack everyone back into the van, damn it I am teaching him right from wrong right now! Well I get them back to the class room after walking through the church looking rough. I tap on the doors all the preschool teachers are eating lunch together. I tell the teacher after she invites us in that he took something and he wants to return it. She said " No! that's from the guest speaker, he can keep that." Well of course then Miles burst into tears, and then ahem, I did too. In front of all those people, that I will see a few times a week for the rest of the school year. They all hugged us and told us not to worry but of course now I had to tell my kid I was wrong too. If I didn't care about how he turns out it probably wouldn't have been a big deal.
Later that day I had a work related function. As I got myself ready to wear adult clothing and shoes, I found the coffee creamer....just perfect. I get to the party right on time dressed pretty nice ready to enjoy myself and DAMN, I forgot my grab bag. I look in my purse before I enter the room thank goodness a Bob Evans gift card. It was not intended for this party but its going to have to do. It was 5 dollars of the the limit of 20 bucks too. Not wrapped I fling it on the table and make a slacker joke about forgetting to wrap it. Dude! I forgot to bring the damn one I bought. So as the evening goes on we play the swap grab bag where you unwrap and then it can get stolen by the next in line and so on. There was 19 people. No one wanted the gift card, the stealing went on forever to avoid my stinker gift. They kept yelling you take the sausage! It was because the restaurant is like a 20 minute drive away. I bought it with my dad and step mom in mind they live near one. I of course laughed and smiled through my embarrassment. It really was hysterical. Next year I am going to try to find a stupid gift on purpose and wrap it really pretty. Hey at least I made it out the door and I was dressed with  make up on and stuff.

The goofy streak is probably continuing....I could use a reprive.
Random: Stand, R.E.M.

DAMN TRUCK!!!!

I am not feeling the best today. This could be illness or possibly God's punishment to Eve coming down the pike. Whatever it is brewing I am not sick yet, or whatever but I am feeling stale, and useless today. It's probably the latter of the 2 because as I sit in bed I feel my left ovary, it just ninja kicked me.
This morning I did the bare minimum amount of house work and watched Disney movies the rest of the day with the boys. I usually end up doing stuff all day long if I want to keep up with the house but today I didn't give a rat's ass. And I knew running club was tonight, I didn't have a fever, I have squandered my calories expecting my run I had to go. I was super hungry all day. I ate all most all of my calories for the day and exercise ones I was about to gain.
By the time I got there and got in the store I realized I didn't bring in my Garmin and I was wondering about my time and distance from last week. Well I went back to the truck for it, I couldn't get in. THAT DAMN TRUCK! It is not the first time I have been locked out. I had a key but it wasn't working the lock. I went back into the group and tell everyone um, yeah I can't get in. I told them I needed to run before I could deal with it. Now I'm embarrassed and feeling gross, perfect. I kept up with a nice woman for about half way through the 5k and then my lungs gave out, I told her to go on, even more embarrassing. It was dark when we were nearing the railroad and I cut a block of the route on accident and the other back of the packers met me at the end of the street. I announce "I went the wrong way!" yeah I'm so cool me and my inhaler really. I tail them back to the store still unable to keep up. I try my truck before the back of the packers leave, and it lets me in. Now, I'm not going to type what I said but I was pissed. DAMN TRUCK. So I tell them yeah I am mistaken I can get in. I leave my truck unlocked and decide I am going to make up that damn block I missed like a looser and I wanted to flea the area as it appears I don't even know how to use a key and lock. I figure I could pass the fasties as I go the other direction and tell Lloyd not to wait for me, because he was going to let me use the phone at the store. I could catch them, I saw one of them break off towards the store, I followed but I had nothing left I was slllllllooooooowwwww. As I make it back up the main street of beaver there is Lloyd standing outside his store talking to the walkers. I apologize and tell him the stupid truck opened. He did cut his run short to help me get into my truck, I am really ready to crawl under my truck at this point.  Thank goodness a customer straggled in and he had to go, I felt like a big dork. I stretched beside the truck then got in and left. My head was pounding from the albuterol. I think I ended up doing some where between 4 and 5 miles tonight, I feel like garbage. I don't think really anyone probably cared about my silly antics tonight, none the less I feel dumbass.

Oh well always next week!
song for goofus:   Hiroshima, Ben Folds

Sunday Stats-6

              12/4/2011                      12/10/2011
Neck           13                                   13
Larm         12.75                               12.5
Rarm           13                                  12.5
chest           40                                   40
ribs              35                                   35
waist            33                                  32.5
floppy         38                                   38
butt            43.5                                 43
Lthigh        25.5                                 25
Rthigh        25.5                                 25
calf (left)    17                                   16.75
calf (right)   16.75                             17
Lupperknee 21.5                                22
Rupperknee 21                                  22
Total inches 355.5                             354.25
inches lost since last    4.75               1.25
total inches lost from begin   85.5    86.75 
Weight          197.4                             192.6!!!!!!!!!!!!!

going off to work to day with an "S" on my chest!
resting as planned.

Weigh in Song:    The Clarks, Better Off Without You

This weeks highlights

So this week has been busy as most weeks of my life. Starting with Sunday, I took a rest day and dragged my butt around my job later in the day. I felt so tired and discouraged.
Monday I did 36minutes of eliptical, feeling much better.
Tuesday night the Kenyan and I met up at Lloyds and ran with the group. This group doesn't have a name yet it was the first meeting. Lots of fasties there, and lots of walkers, not many middle of the road people like me. I actually at one point went to get my tunes because I didn't want anyone to straggle with me when I know I'm not fast enough. The Kenyan ended up going with me, no tunes needed we yapped the entire time. It was really fun and it didn't feel long or like a lot of work at all. I state this because no one brought a garmin. We didn't know the exact distance or time. The Kenyan guess is 30 minutes and according to mapmyrun.com, the route we took was 3.61 miles, that's a pace of 8.3/m! I really want to meet up again and do the same thing so I can check my garmin after, because if this is true that's a PR for 5k distance for me, but I am having a hard time believing. So of course that cheered me up. And at this point in the week the scale begins to tip in my favor.
Wednesday I did body pump, I felt sore in the legs before we even started.
Thursday I did Biggest Looser Cardio Max DVD for 50 minutes, decided to hold the run I still had a sore achilles, thinking this wold be an easier choice. I forgot that dvd is all squats and lunges, I got a decent sweat in anyways.
Friday I had the privileged of Hubbs being home for the day so I took skip for a 30 minute walk/run. The pup is getting faster and he doesn't like to slow down. I didn't even take proper shoes thinking just a simple walk up hills for 'cise um well we ended up running. Then in the evening it was date night. We didn't have much luck with dinner I was trying to stay in my calorie goal and I was on my phone like an ass trying to look up calories. I got a dinner salad, vinegar and oil no croutons, and a senior portion spaghetti. Well luckily spaghetti was rubbery so I ate a 4th of it. Hubbs gave me a quarter of his rueben we counted it our 150cals. Dessert was a 60 cal tootsie pop. We ended up in the mall with every other human being in Beaver County. I ran into someone from my previous job, whom I haven't seen in a year. She was asking about the usual, how you been, hows the kids type conversation. I couldn't help but notice the once over look more than once. She did say I looked different but I could tell it was a big difference for her. Then we saw some atheletic tees on sale and ryan had me try on the extra large and said "try the next size down that's a little big" so I put on a large an it fits. I have noticed with most of my clothes getting bigger, I think I have go down a letter size to a large now. =).
Today I did 5miles at the track alone. I did 5 in 59minutes. Pretty good for an easy 5 for this girl.  Got the salty cheeks on my face again, yuk.
Tomorrow I am resting. I know the streak is really good for weight loss, but I am having some soreness issues. I picked Sunday so I can go to church with my family before I have to hurry off to work.  It really helped taking a day off last week, and I am going to make it a habit.

Thankful to be able to get my workouts done, and my normal busy-mess over with. Christmas shopping errands, children juggling, food cooking and such-its intense and I am so happy I have been lucky enough to find the time. My little one has started potty training too, tugging at my heart stings and my nerves at the same time. Look out for tomorrows stats!

Snowman, The Clarks

:)

194.8 :))))

Honest.

I have talked about brutal honesty a lot as I write my blog. I can't say enough how being honest and open has changed my life.
Before, even as a young teen I was secretive about my weight. It was painful because I was larger than most. So instead of getting weighed and a physical with the other girls in 8th grade my mom took me to the doctor and I explained what I was fretting about. The doctor wrote "normal" on my physical paper under weight.
I was a frequent starter and quitter. When things got tough I gave up. Every time I let something go I took on more. More food, more calories, more flab, more self loathing, more bad habits.
I used to pretend I didn't smoke around my mom, dad, and in laws. It was obvious that I smelled like body splash(too much of it) and cigarettes. But I was a master of bullshit and immaturity.
When I had an excuse to not be taking care of myself, for example my foot pain in my 20's, I milked that excuse dry. I couldn't exercise cause it hurt, that's why I'm getting fatter- its not my fault. Better start smoking more, that's stressing me out.
I struggled in the beginning of nursing school in college to be perfect. I had to actually give up my opinions of the world and life and admit I didn't know everything, then I was able to be taught. Yeah really, I used to argue in lectures, then I saw my first grade and realized these people were being paid to teach me what they know not the other way around. That was humbling- I needed it. I finished school with an impressive average because I listened to what was told to me and studied it.
I think being humbled makes you better than you were. It may seem terrible at first but its a lesson from God that will carry you through life. I am thankful for what that has done in my life.
I am not going to go back into the epiphany that started my whole weight loss and fitness process again. It became easy when I stopped hiding. When I cried out for help. And it has only gotten better as I share the process with others.
It won't do me any favors to fudge anything. Being honest really takes the bad feelings out of your head.  I strive to be totally honest, it keeps me out of trouble. Its also one quality that has been so hard for me achieve I really admire seeing it in others. Its really my idea of courage and strength. Yesterday would have been a day I would have loved to be dishonest but I posted my gain. I felt like it cast a shadow of failure and doubt over my head all day. I am glad I shared though, it will only make the progress that much sweeter.

Onward friends!

Ben Folds, There's Always Someone Cooler Than You

Sunday Stats- 5

Day 30 of my streak and I'm going to rest before work today. I am exhausted. I feel poofy all over. My fingers are swollen even my face feels a bit puffy so I am trying to not let my weight get me down. 29 day days in a row of out right ass kicking and I am taking a break. You shouldn't step on the scale in the morning and cry, not because its horrible but because you work so hard it doesn't make sense. I am not taking the day of from my calorie counting, no way! I think the measurements reflect this weeks work. I know I feel it, I can barely sit down, and it hurts to yawn.
                 11/7                            12/3
neck           13                              13
Larm          13.25                         12.75
Rarm          13.25                         13
Chest           40                              40
ribs              35                               35
waist           33                               33
floppy         39.5                            38(look at that!)
Buttocks     43.5                            43.5
Lthigh         26                               25.5
Rthigh        26                               25.5
Lcalf           17                               17
Rcalf           17                                16.75
Lknee          21.5                            21.5
Rknee          21.5                            21
total             360.25                         355.5
lost               0.75                             4.75
beginning loss 80.75                        85.5(taller than me)
wt                  196.2                          197.4 *big tears*


Yesterday morning for the long run, I had plan to scrap it all together being sore and all I was only going to walk/run Skip. After I got on the scale I had gone from 196 Monday to 197 yesterday so I forced myself to run. Now I am even puffier. Then I had an insane night at work and didn't get any water and only one pee break. I hate it when people are full of excuses but I really do feel a need to get this out for the record because I have been busting my ass. In 30 days I have been over my calorie goal 2 times. Once this week by 127 cals and then in the morning I was 196. SIGH. I am just working on flushing all the garbage out of my system so I can feel normal. I don't want to to break the streak but all athletes have to take a rest day and really every source of my body is tapped and I still have to spend 8hours on my feet at work tonight. I don't want to end up injured again.

On the agenda this week I am going to Lloyds for his first ever running group on tuesday night any other readers want to go its at 6pm at the store.

Atreyu, Lose it

flighty furbie.

Day 25 of the no excuses challenge. I have done something everyday to exercise, and I am getting tired, that's not stopping me. It is however, hindering my organizational skills, not to mention the new puppy who is getting bigger and braver every minute. He is currently taking a time out in his pen for pissing on my floor!
This week my long run was done with one white Balega sock and one neon yellow one. Laundry getting ahead of me. I admit to wearing one clean one and one dirty one before this month too. One dirty Balega sounds like a song title or a movie doesn't it? Yeah I know gross.
Yesterday my home bike started making horrible grinding noises, I think its pretty much done for. It hasn't done to bad with time. I got it for my birthday after miles was born so its almost 5. The thing is I really never used it until the last summer and now. I don't remember where we bought it to caution you but I think I'll be looking for a used one, I do like having it at home.
Today I had to buy water at the gym because I didn't have any clean reuseable bottles and/or the pieces were missing. I also got kid 1 dropped off at school, and kid 2 dressed up with me, and had time to get warm layers on me too. So when I get in the locker room to take off my track pants I suddenly realize I don't want to now.....I fogot to shave. Not just a few days, I hadn't been to the gym in a week because of kid 2's ears. Barf. Big manly tufts on the calves. Okay maybe it wasn't so bad, I don't think anyone noticed but me. I felt gross and am going to have to remember that from now on. Ha ha!Won't be the first time I felt disgusting about exercising, I am sure its not going to be the last either. The good thing about my gym, no body really gives a crap about anyone else.(uh oh: tangent) I do have to say it bothers me that I have been going there for 2 years now and I don't know the names of the people I am forced to stare at on the machines day in and day out, I'm a social person and it seems dysfunctional.
I am still hanging! I am a little goofy and tired but I am surviving. :) laughing at myself.
LMAFO, Sexy And I Know It

Sunday Stats- 4

Date                     11/20/2011    11/27/2011
Neck                           13                  13
Upper arm (left)           13                13.25
Upper arm (right)         13.25            13.25
chest (bust)                   39.5              40
Diaphragm (rib cage)    35                 35
waist                              33.75            33
floppybelly                    39.5              39.5
buttock                          44.5              43.5
upper thigh (left)          26                  26
upper thigh (right)        26                  26
calf (left)                       17                  17
calf (right)                     17.5               17.5
upper knee (left)            21                  21.5
upper knee (right)          22                  21.75
Total inches                   361                 360.25
inches lost since last      0.25                0.75
total inches lost from begin   80          80.75
weight                          199.6                196.2
total wt loss this week   3.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
total since no exuses challenge 7.8lbs, 21 days and counting.

Excellent week! Really proud of myself. Anyone forget this is Thanksgiving week? Um yeah I survived it and lost 3.4. That's dedication right there. In 2 more pounds I will be reaching all time lows since college- no joke! I never did go past 195 yet. Exciting stuff. On ward and upward.

Putting up the Christmas tree and riding my bike before work tonight.

You Get What You Give, New Radicals

So how did the turkey day go?

Well it went great. I am happy/embarassed to report I didn't take a complete rest day on wednesday. Skip needed a walk so we did a mile together. So the something everyday challenge has not been broken, for 20 days so far! The Race itself was super fun. The Kenyan and friends were all there. It was 48 and sunny. Lots of happy gobblers. I mentioned the asthma attack, what else is new happens every race, I am still happy with my time considering how much over the last year I had let my pace slip in my training. I worked to get back to where I was and thats actually pretty fast for this girl. :)
And on thanksgiving the queen mother of gluttony opportunities, I stayed on target. I used measuring cups and went by my fitness pal's data base for roast turkey, stuffing and mash, etc and used their portions. I came out 100 calories ahead at the end of the day. I didn't eat dessert like I said but I did have 25 calorie hot chocolate while everyone else did. I got a little good natured jibes about the strictness, but it just made it that much easier to not over do it.
Later on I went out black Friday shopping on Thanksgiving in the evening. It was a bust, too many people.There were long lines outside in the cold, angry people, people crying, and an actual fight at our local walmart over a waffle iron. I ditched my pile of stuff at Kohls and gave up after a solid hour in the checkout line. We went home defeated. I went back in the morning and all the crap that bailed on was right where it should have been, meaning they had just put it all back and it was easy to find it all. SCORE! I got a new sports bra, some new gym clothes and jeans and tops. Its enough to make a 31 year old woman scream like a 13 year old yelling for Justin Bieber. Today was the first time EVER I bought clothes and tried on stuff that everything I wanted fit! 
Over all I have to say I am pretty thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I love my family. It was a treat to get to race and take a break from being mom, then get to be entertained with wonderful hot food and company that I didn't have to cook or clean up, then later on that evening get to go shopping, then get up and go back for more. It really is my fun holiday. Christmas is about the kids and the magic, manufactured by mom's stress, cooking, shopping, and love, so its really not about me so what a nice rest before its time to get busy with the holiday hustle. I feel blessed. Smiling from ear to ear.

Blackeyed Peas, Boom Boom Pow

Turkety trot

186th out of ? time of 32.36. I was hoping for better, had an asthma attack. Oh well still had a bunch of fun. Happy turkey day all!

Tomorrow we trott.

So It's been over 2 months since the marathon. I haven't raced since then. I haven't 5k'd since June. I am so ready for tomorrow morning! The feet are all better and they are ready to race! I am not sure how I'll do but I have faith that I will walk away happy with my effort.
The little one's ears are on the fritz again! *sigh*(He is so his mother's son.) He's already outgrown his tubes and he's going to have to go back for more. At least we caught it early and he's already on the mend.I am not as worried this time, at least we aren't questioning if it will help, we already know what he needs so I am not stressing.
Its been stressful in a lot of ways this week. Hubbs is busy with work, we got Skipps the puppy still training, and we got Jude screaming and gagging on his snot. I can say that's an easy recipe for a headache. There's been other stuff too but its not a blogging matter.The good thing is that all that pent up frustration is coming out tomorrow. I am not nervous at all, I am just ready to go. I am resting today, the only loop hole in the something everyday challenge, and that is purely because tomorrow we get to throw the adult controlled temper tantrum during the race and I want my legs to be rested.

Side note, did anyone ever notice how many calories are in banana chips!!!!????? 1/4c has 210 calories. So not even worth eating if you are on 1300 cals a day and you like to actually eat food for other parts of the day! I was shocked. Also Peanut Butter and Jelly you are looking at 500 cals! I haven't weighed in everyday this week, just because its been suggested not to. Last week any fluctuation bummed me into a panic so this week I am sticking to Sunday. I have already pledged. NO dessert tomorrow, and NO eating until I am uncomfortable, but I can't promise I won't get a glass of Scott's homemade strawberry wine if its out. I won't be able to track all the calories all day because I am not preparing everything. I will do my rule of halves. If I want something I will only eat half of a serving. It's time for a change, tradition has only gotten me off track in the past.
I will at least post my time tomorrow. Happy Trotting fellow Turkeys!!!! Everyone have a safe holiday!

Song for Turkey day:
The Bird's The Word, The Rivingtons

Sunday Stats- 3

Date                     11/13/2011        11/20/2011
Neck                            13                   13
Upper arm (left)          13                   13
Upper arm (right)       13.5                 13.25
chest (bust)                 40                    39.5
Diaphragm (rib cage) 35                     35
waist                           34                    33.75
floppy belly                39                    39.5
buttocks                      44.5                 44.5
upper thigh (left)        26                     26
upper thigh (right)      26                      26
calf (left)                    17                     17
calf (right)                  17                     17.5
upper knee (left)         21.5                 21
upper knee (right)       21.75               22
Total inches                361.25             361
inches lost since last    7                     0.25 
Weight                         201.6              199.6

Its been a better week for me. Not many inches this week but I am back under 200 for the first time since  the spring. :)
On agenda this week is a race. Wednesday will be a complete rest day. That will be the first one in 3 weeks since I've started. Thursday morning (thanksgiving) will be the Turkey Trot 5k. The lunch after I am going to try my hardest not to over eat, but there will be a lot of things on the table I have no idea how to count calories for. I will allow gray area for only that meal. We are going to another family gathering for dessert later, I will not be eating there. So a short rest and a treat dinner will happen this week that will be the only deviation.

Stats song: Muse, Uprising 

Saturday run part 2: The Champ

So after I dropped off Skip I went down to the track to finish my 5. I have been noticing the walkers more as it gets colder because there isn't many. Last week, there was a man a quarter mile a head of me walking for 5 miles. I would get close then I would have to get a drink or run to the truck, I never did pass him, that's because he's pretty fast for a walker.
Let me tell you about this man, nicknamed The Champ. He hauls ass. And his left arm is flaccid. Yeah its obvious he has hemiparesis from a past stroke. Just watching him go and go and go for 5 miles with out a drink, or a break and keep up the pace is inspiring. Then when you get close, you see his battle scar, and hes just that much more of a badass. He appears to be about my dad's age. I can see from afar what this man is doing, he is taking back his life. I find him to be pretty damn tough, he got a bad blow and most would give up and he's not. That's why he's The Champ.
Today the busted my ass and skipped a water stop to catch up with him, and I told him that he is just as fast a chubby runner and that I was proud of him. Later I stopped to walk and there he goes passing me again. I caught back up again and told him "ya know they have *puff* walkers divisions *puff* in marathons". He goes on to tell me he walks 7 miles 4 days a week! And that he didn't know that they have race divisions for walkers. That is really impressive.
There is beauty everywhere if you just look around and pay attention. The walking lane at the track belongs to The Champ.

Song for the The Champ:
Foo Fighters, Walk

Saturday run part 1: Skip

Today was my Saturday outside as usual. We've had an eventful week. After careful discussion with hubbs, we felt it was time to get the boys a dog. We have 2 mini dauschunds  that are 8 years old and they are tired of the kids trying to carry them and giving them a beating. I have been researching breeds and we decided something large, intellegent, and a good running companion. (needs to take a lot of play/rough house, train well, and run with me).  My first choice was a German Short hair Pointer, my second choice was a Labrador Retriver.
After finding the breed I wanted and started to shop for one, I realized money for a pure bred in not in the cards, so I looked petfinder.com for local rescues. There just happened to be 11 week old pups in the neighboring county that were Pointer/Lab mix. Well when I got there I saw that the pups were 15 weeks old, not a big deal, when they brought me to see them this little cutey hopped up and put his paws on the fence and made eye contact, it was all over for me. Now the boys think they named him but I knew right then and there his name was Skip. He looks like a Skip, and he was taken home that day. The last few days adjustment haven't really been all that bad. Now owning 3 dogs and having 2 small kids at this point isn't crazy, its better in a way. You ever heard: the more the merrier? Its true.

The first mile of today's run was Skip's first mile. He kept up the whole way, for such a young dog I was really proud of him. I think he's a great addition to the family. When he turns into a horse dog at least he will look like he will protect me on the run, but I am sure he would just lick them to death. :)
And it goes with out saying the boys are over the moon for him.

Song for Skip: We're Going To Be Friends, Jack Johnson

Avery Watts - A CUT ABOVE (Album Version) - Song with Lyrics

Happy Wednesday.

Just thought I'd share. :)

Silver Lining, Rilo Kiley
(slow jam)

wow.

Just noticed today that I am over 5,000 views. Thanks for reading!

Sunday stats 2

Happy Sunday. I have exercised everyday this week. I am going to church then I am going to exercise before work. Here's the stats:
Date               11/6/2011              11/13/2011
Neck                       13                   13
Upper arm (left)      13.75             13
Upper arm (right)    13.75             13.5
chest (bust)              40                  40
Diaphragm               35                  35
waist                        34                   34
abdomnen                41                  39
buttocks                   45.2               44.5
upper thigh (left)      26                 26
upper thigh (right)    26                 26
calf (left)                  17.5              17
calf (right)                17.5              17
upper knee (left)       22.5              21.5
upper knee (right)     23                21.75
Total inches              368.25          361.25
inches lost                  -4              7
total inches lost           72.75         79.75
weight                         204             201.6

Just to whine, I weighed myself everyday this week yesterday I weighed 200.0, I had a good 5 mile run, came in under my calorie goal and managed to gain 1.6. Its probably all lactic acid i am soooooo sore today for some reason. Thank newborn baby Jesus for aleve.

Such Great Heights, Postal Service

So how am I doing?

So this week I have exercised everyday for at least 30 minutes. 3of the 6 workouts were an hour. I am continuing to track myself on myfitnesspal.com for free, and again if you want to be my friend my name is ahoneybadgerfink. I will post the sunday stats tomorrow, spoiler alert: I am doing it! It helps so much to track the exercise calories, it takes the guess work out for me. I am the type if its a gray area I go for more than I probably should. Now I'm in the big push.
I was running out side this morning, it was really cold I was pretty sore from my yesterday so I defintley wasn't happy with how much I had to walk and how much my lungs decided they weren't running either but I got in 5miles.  According to my calorie counter I earned 700+ calories for the day. I couldn't help but thinking that I run for cheese on my sandwich.
On workout this week was on my basement bike with flipflops and pajamas. I am tired and part of me dwants to make an adenumn to the challenge with one day a week rest, I can't keep doing that to myself. It sticks- something everyday.
The one thing I am going to be careful with is the Captins Chair at the gym, I think I pulled something vital. I am going to have to work up to everytime I am in the gym, I only got on once this week and I worked out there 4 days this week :(. I have been using heat pad and bengay this week, it just starting to feel better, I am dissapointed but I am not going on it because I am embarassed, its because I am in pain!
 Posting the stats tomorrow!

Gwen Stefani, Whatcha Waiting For?

New tool for the tool!

So I have had a smart phone for the first time for about a month now. Sadly, it took me that long to learn how to use it . Its all a learning process and I felt like a dinosaur asking a coworker how to dial it the next day. But what's really hilarious, it took me 3 days of writing my food diary on a notebook paper to think, hey maybe, just maybe there is a food diary app on my phone. So I look it up and I found, myfitnesspal.com, a FREE app of awesomeness, and also a free website on the computer. It keeps track of your daily calories and how they relate to your goals. To add in food you can look in the database or scan the bar code on the box, and it spits out the serving and takes it off the total. Can you tell I am getting excited just typing this. But my favorite feature, you can enter your exercise activity and it gives you credit in the form of calories-BOOYA! That's always perplexed me. I wasn't sure how much to add after a run, and I am sure I probably just ate too much or not enough. Yesterday I came really close to what they wanted me to eat after my workout but it felt like too much food. I am going to really be accurate for the next month to see if it actually works. When you enter in everything for the day it tells you if you keep going on the path of the day how much you will weigh in 5 weeks. That encourages the crap out of me really. Something to do that math! AAAAAAhhhh!
So I am on myfitnesspal.com. my name is ahoneybadgerfink, if you want to come along with me friend me and we'll keep each other accountable.
As for exercising I am still keeping to the everyday do something challenge!

The Temper Trap, Sweet Disposition

The Sunday Stats

Ok deep breath. This sucks, but this is going to become a Sunday routine to stay accountable. My last measurements were in June this year. My legs have all gotten a little bigger since June I lost 1.25 of boobs, and 1 inch off my diaphragm, and some off my waist. So basically my figure reads in the numbers from head to toe Badabing,badaboom, Kerplowee. :)

Weight: 204.0
Neck: 13
LArm: 13.75
RArm: 13.75
Bust: 40
Diaphragm: 35
Waist: 34
Floppy Belly: 41
Buttocks: 45.25
LUpper thigh: 26 (super model waist size hahaah!)
RUpper Thigh: 26
L Upper Knee: 22.5
R Upper Knee: 23
L calf: 17.5
R calf: 17.5
Total Inches: 368.25
Total lost from the begining: 72.75
Total Lost since measurement: 2inches

Today is a new day. Every time you wake up God has given you another chance to change. I am buckled down and I have faith I am on the way down!

PUT ON YOUR WAR-FACE!
Dropkick Murphys, Hang EM High

Soul search

Well. I have been thinking hard about the possiblity of life changing surgery. I want a tummy tuck to get rid of my disgusting stomach. I have gone as far as to see the surgeon and see what my insurance company is willing to do for me. I have been over the risks and benefits. Why reasons are answered, it all sounds wonderful to me, except the but. Yes in every conversation there is always an IF, AND, or BUT. I have a but. (no pun indended).
I was proud that the surgeon thought I did enough hard work to get the procedure, BUT, I don't feel like I have done enough. Yeah I know obviously I made all of this happen because I thought all of this was a good idea. I still do think it is a good idea. But, I don't think I have earned it yet. I do believe her when she says I won't loose it on my own and my skin will never return to its natural pre-children state, and she is preaching to the choir telling me heredity is not my friend. Yes yes all of that I get and agree with. As I get closer to the process I have examined my workouts and my lifestyle once more. Compaired to any sedentary housewife I am amazing, and I am really healthy. Once a playdate mom opened my fridge and said "oh my god you guys are so healthy". We don't drink soda, we don't ever buy chips, I try to cook very healthy, I don't buy butter we don't even have any.
The gods honest truth is though I am not doing enough. I could be doing more. Ever since my running has picked up I have let myself have more than I should. I stopped measuring my food and writing it all down. On nights I liked what we were having for dinner I ate more than I should, and I would make up for it with running. I let it all get very comfortable. For maintaining that's just dandy but I am not supposed to be maintaining I am supposed to be loosing. Remember still very overweight. That's the eating side of it all. The exercise side of it has begun to slip too. I am comfy running. Its easy when I'm not hurt. I let my pace fall off the deep end. I went from a tempo 9/m to 13:30/m during the marathon. Sure I did a marathon, and I allowed myself all of the calories I burned. That is why my friends I gained 10lbs this summer. Honesty is painful I was at 214 the week before the race.
I am this morning, honestly 203.8. I have had 3 workouts this week. And I have decided to quit dicking around and start back down the old Tough Road. (cheese) If you read last year, I got frustrated on my plateau and then just got comfortable and started accepting my wieght. Maybe even hiding behind it, I need to keep going.
When I was in labor with Jude I was ready to push and after I first real push I stopped to take a deep breath. At that moment the nurse said "don't you get scared, come on and push", well she yelled it. I was appalled at her suggestion, although too busy to argue. Next push I rocketed out my little peanut and forgot it temporarily. She was right. I was scared, and hesitating. I share this because I think it applies.
This can't be all there is. I admit I didn't do enough sit ups. In fact I avoided then because they are embarrassing and they don't seem to help, so I didn't do them. I haven't been lifting or taking my self to new limits in anything other than running, and then I was wondering why I wasn't loosing. Distance running eating is right up my alley because I am such an eater, but I need to really buckle down on the less fun stuff at the gym.I have gotten lazy and I only have been doing what feels good, and I haven't gotten anywhere. I can't have this procedure when I can't honestly say I tried.
Challenge part 1: The captin's chair- every time I go to the gym I get on. No matter how I am feeling I must do my time on there. I find it extremely embarassing and difficult. No more avoiding things because they are embarassing and hard.
Challenge part 2: The diary starts today. I have re-started my food journal today. It is all written down if it goes in. I have dug out my dietician papers again, I measured my cereal this morning. Portions are on crack down. When I decided I need to eat less I haven't been doing it right lately, I go from too much to not enough. Its got to be concentrated on if I want to loose, it deserves attention.
Challenge part 3: Everyday. I have left every other day become the norm. If I want to throw the stowaways overboard I have to do something active everyday. Not running, I don't want injured. So I will stick with my run every other day. Then depending on my life will decide other activities. For example I am sick and am now on antibiotics- today I rode the bike and did sit ups. I am jumping in the classes when I can. If I am really feeling bad I will be doing yoga or taking a walk, but I can no longer dedicate a day to rest, I will be squandering my time sitting on my ass or letting my busy schedule run me.
Challenge part 4: Sharing. I will be socially honest. I will be posting wieghts once a week with measurements. There is a reason being naked in public is a nightmare.
The Goal: Get to 155. Honestly If I get to 189 I consider myself I winner, but never has been outlawed. I can make it to 155. I will make it to 155.The reason why I am not there already is because I started to believe my doubt.

Nothing fancy dramatic or crazy, just good old fashioned hard core ass kicking and telling the truth. I don't think I'm going through with this surgery until I get to where I need to be on that scale. I can't just lay on a table and expect this lady to fix my issues. This is the biggest fight of my life and I have to finish it first.

Making peace with the treadmil.

So kids are sick. No big deal just par for the course this time of the year. I haven't decided whether I am almost over mine or if I am at intermission for part 2 of fall kooties. What I am thankful for is my treadmill. Yeah that's right, that horrible thing that sat empty all summer, that I swore I loathe.
I am mom on my own right now with hubbster's work schedule and its just not in the cards to haul the booger heads to the gym so they wipe themselves all over the place. It IS too dark anyways to get up early and go when hubbs is home so I am not pouting about it. I got up at 5am this morning did my usual routine and then just hit the treadmill. I bring the baby monitor with me and look at the spec at the wall. I am reminded that its is better than resting! A hell of a lot better than resting!
I am holding it together pretty good for panic mom right now, really I have a hard time when they are sick chilling out. Thank goodness for that crappy machine. Sometimes when you find yourself in an avalanche you just have to learn to ski.

Don't Stop Me Now, Queen
(I love this song, I am pretty sure everyone knows it already)

Any reason to wear a tutu is a good reason

So this is my Bee Girl costume. I went to a party saturday night and I couldn't think of a better costume. It was cold out there. Truthfully I was just itching for a reason to wear this tutu just to be a goof ball. I only stayed out for a couple hours, I had to work.
On the way to pick up the boys at a friends house I stopped at a gas station to use the ATM. Well there just has to be a group of teenage boys at every gas station in front of the door at 9:00pm, and so this place was of course compliant. I just said to myself, 'the show must go on', and stood up as straight as I could make myself. I had a coat on and just my costume. I had to walk past the mob of boys to get back to my minivan. I looked ahead and kept moving. After I past I heard whistles and very inappropriate comments(I can't repeat). I didn't turn around, but I did start to laugh a little. What I didn't hear was, laughing or 'yeah right' or barfing noises. Can I tell you it made my year? They actually meant it! Some little punks harrassed me, and I was flattered. Really how many times do you walk your 31 year old ass out of a minivan in a tutu and underarmor shorties and get that reaction? This mom of 2, driving her horrid minivan, for once wasn't invisible to the opposite sex.
The tutu stays in my closet, never know when I might break it out again!
 

Blind Melon, No Rain
http://youtu.be/3qVPNONdF58

Hoorah

Well I was out in the foggy dark cold this morning running! I do have to say its officially Underarmor cold gear season again, yay! I love wearing my black suck- in suit! I like being outside, sadly with daylight savings I'll only be outdoors on weekend days when I can go while its safe. I went before sunrise today and I was alone at the track. It was so foggy and dark I didn't want to get out of the truck. About a mile in, a bunny running across the track, almost made me shat myself, all I could see was the while tail. I also left my tunes off because of the darkness. Still not a complaint from me I was happy to be back at it. I'll just be playing it safe either in my basement or on the gym mill until it gets light early again, and weekends will be my outdoor run time. I can't wait to get out to the track in the snow with my ice cleats! It really is my favorite.
No problems with my feet today or my legs. I was a little extra sore from the arms/back/abs at the gym and after the run I got stuck in my bra and hubbs had to help me.  It was pretty pathetic and funny, I looked I was in a wrestlers hold. I spent most of the day yesterday groaning when I had to bed over or pick up my arms for any reason. I guess that's what they mean when they say they are going to the gym to get "ripped" yeah I feel like I ripped something alright. HA!
Well yay for running! Bring on the winter!

Eminem, Cinderella Man.

A very bad girl.

I was in a horrible mood last night, I skipped my gym plans after a series of crappy events ended with a headache and going to bed early. Today I went to the gym with plans of taking a class, got there with the kid and realized class was in session already oh well, hit the gym. Decided the captin's chair would be something good for me to be doing/trying to do, at this time. Really trying to push myself I didn't get many reps on that thing at all. I did some strength training for a half an hour and then decided I was weak and pitiful and planned on a peaceful walk on the treadmill. Really not thinking about it, and not wearing the right anything for it I began to run. Everything from the last couple weeks started to release. I walked for a bit and then decided oh well nothing's hurting so I'll keep going. I know I'm busted at day 28, but I am better and I was careful not to go too fast. It felt so good to sweat, get tired, and see I'm not still broke. It wasn't anything fantastic but I really a lot better. Friday morning I am getting up and preparing for it.

I'm happy that's all. Things are looking up.

All these things I hate, Bullet for my Valentine

Rest Fatigue

So I've been resting like a good girl. I ordered new shoes and when they get here I wont make any promises. I feel better, except for wanting to jump out of my skin! The feelings of anxiety I used to have all the time are easily managed with running, so you can bet I've been not myself. Hubbs I'm sorry I am not much to live with now, it's almost over. Nothings as good as when you could be running, food doesn't even taste as good, I'm probably a bit depressed. So I ordered shoes, when they get here I'm gone, I got crappy shipping so I am probably going to end up waiting all week but I've been watching the door.
Today I did some unfinished correspondence. I promised my doc a year ago I would send him a finishers picture of The Great Race, well, my goal of a 10k turned into a full marathon, but I did promise a picture. I've had it for weeks its not the most flattering shot, and um its kinda silly to mail that to your doctor so I've been looking at the envelope forever. I finally sent it with a note thanking him for his help and asking him to dispose of the picture by burning it. I could have gotten away with not mailing it he sees people all the time tons of them and it was forever ago, but he deserves a thank you for being an awesome doctor and listening when this girl needed help. I also mailed a picture to the doctor that operated on my feet years ago for Plantar Fasciitis, he is in Maryland. I just thought it would be nice to know that the procedure I had really did help me get over it and that running a marathon with NO P.F. pain really is freaking amazing, I used to have a hard time just getting through a shift at work because of foot pain. As a nurse, I appreciate being thanked once in a while, even though it requires none. Its nice to see you touched someone's life and to see how things turned out. It wasn't easy to share though, I don't like calling attention to myself like that!
Thanks for commenting about the tummy tuck, I am still not sure about what I should do so I am just putting it out of my head for a few weeks and God will give me an answer. 

Trying to chill song:
And the Birds Sing, Tyrone Wells

Will I or Won't I?

I have been thinking about the tummy tuck a lot this week. Yes it's exciting that I am to the point where I could undergo a transformation and probably turn out liking what I see, but it doesn't seem that simple.After talking with a few family members and friends, I'm not 100% sure anymore I am willing.

My biggest negative factor is risk to my health- its a 4 hour surgery. I have small children that could be left motherless and really nothing is worth loosing the two best things that ever happened to me.Yeah I know I am healthy now, but nobody is guaranteed time on this earth.

The biggest positive is that I wouldn't have to worry about my biggest flaw anymore. Trust me I hate it enough the pain seems like a worthy price. Its really embarrassing for me, I wear a girdle almost all the time, and I still look ridiculous. 

At this point I am at an impass. I will wait to see what the insurance company has to say. What I would like is to hear your thoughts. Do you think I should or not? Why or why not? I could use some feedback, if you don't want to comment shoot me an email or a text.

Counting Crows, Omaha

Answers to burning questions

So today was my appointment with the plastic surgeon. I was there inquiring about a tummy tuck, aka abdominoplasty/panniculectomy, aka fbchop.
I should share my feelings/fears surrounding this appointment before I tell you what happened. I was afraid I would have been told that I was still too fat, and that I just wasn't working hard enough. I was terrified of standing in front of a stranger naked. I thought it was something I couldn't afford even if I went for the consultation. I was tired of just wondering if someone could help me.
So when I got there, everyone was super nice. They show me to the room and tell me put on this diposable set string panties- on size fits all(most), and a robe. They were high tech I watched a movie about the surgery before anyone came in and saw me, then a PA interviewed me and examined me. She tells me that I do have some separation in my muscles, as I had suspected. Then the PA takes me into a very cold room and takes my pictures, damn near naked with my head cropped out of the frame. Back in the exam room the doc comes in and sits in a chair and motions me over takes my robe and really examines my skin flap. She looks under and sees the rash, that I always have. Has me step back and turn around. She says "You have a nice shape, and your pretty thin everywhere else. I do think you will continue to loose weight after this, but you are a canidate for the surgery." She went on to tell me that the skin will never go back the way it was on its own after examining the amount of strechmarks I have. At this point she goes on about pros and cons and risks, the procedure day the recovery. After he doctor left her another lady came to talk about the price, and then my appointment was over.
May I say this appointment took balls. I don't like nudity for the reason of my deformity, and going somewhere and removing my girdle even if they are professionals (not one but 3 people and pictures)for that reason it wasn't an easy share.
I thought the price would be roughly 3 times that much than they actually want, so I was pleasantly suprised. Its not going to be cheap, but we are considering it very seriously now. There are several factors besides price. That's 6 weeks off running. 2 weeks absolutely nothing and will need lots of help with the kids. I will have to pull those things together. Also the risk, I'm scared. I don't want to be taken away from my boys because of a procedure I chose to do, I am praying about this. Also about a month off of work.
Its a lot to think about. I am pleased to say that its possible. My reasons: I am processing my thoughts about this, and will share as I nail them all down. I will hear in about 3-4 weeks if my insurance is kicking in some help with the cost because there is a medical reason for it, at that point I hope that I will arrived at a descion and have a plan.

At this time I am feeling pretty good about it.
Counting Crows, RainKing

Big race = Big rest

I am on like day 9 or 10 now. That means I am mentally crippled and sad. I was recounting my self pity to my hubbs last night and I realized I haven't taken more than 10 days off straight in a year and a half from running, before that I was walking every night for 6 months and working out at  a gym. So needless to say I feel lost.
I know this is all part of the process, also a test of endurance.

I don't really have a song in my heart today, so no suggestions, sorry.

Day 5

So I have not run in 5 days. It has been a long 5 days. I have another 25 to go. The last 2 days I felt pretty good walking around with my shoes on, actually started to feel stupid for saying I had a bad injury. Well today I am whistling a different tune. It still hurts. I am not over doing it, I'm not running just doing my regular stuff I have to do. I'll be sitting still and it hurts, or I could feel it walking around, just standing. It's still good and Kaka-ed up. My ankle in that region isn't spectacular either. I think I will need a few weeks to start feeling like nothing happened in my normal life.
The pain I am feeling is a good thing at this point, it is keeping me compliant with my doctor. I don't feel like being an idiot right now. I am however, a little bummed. Its normal to get a little sad after a big race and now an injury when you live off endorphins. I am not eating my feelings I am just being a grumpy bitch. I have actually lost 3 pounds so far. I am getting to things in my house that needed done little by little, plus a little extra like washing walls, organizing, and junk drawers rolling change.
So to recap, still resting, not happy about it. If anyone needs to fire someone, tell them off, take back your lunch money, and so forth I'm your girl.

Badfish, Sublime

Grateful

Well saw Dr. C again today. It's kinda silly that you can call your ortho and get right in because you have been there in the the last couple of months! But, also awesome, I have already been seen! He looked at my films and disagrees with the previous opinion. Not a stress fracture, more like a bone bruise.
I explained that I am only 15 days post marathon, that my leg hasn't felt right since.
He pretty much stopped me right there and said that I beat myself up and the best thing I could do was rest no matter what it was. He told me to rest a month, then if pain continues to come back and he'll get me a bone scan. I was totally in favor of what he had to say. I can still do my job once I can get shoes on again- mama needs to buy chicken nuggets for her rugrats, thank god. Before he shut the door he smiled at me and said "congratulations".
So I go back to work this weekend. As for exercising he did tell me to take it easy. I won't be doing any impact anything. This week I don't feel good enough to really do anything. Next week if I feel better maybe I could just do some yoga or something. I won't continue to hurt myself, I know I will end up back there again. I will have to do something for exercise even if its just one legged push ups or sit ups and things like that, I don't want to start feeling depressed.
As for diet I am officially in Gestapo mode. I am not eating more than my portion and I am not eating anything I can't burn off sitting around doing my normal thing. I am not gaining an ounce- I FLAT OUT REFUSE.
I am a little frustrated, but I very thankful for my 9 lives type luck. Really we all know I weigh a lot and its not a heavy person sport, getting hurt even for small people is inevitable. I feel relieved to not have a worse injury and that my stubbornassiness didn't affect my family(income/mechanics). I really do have to say I am truly blessed, and will listen to those saner than myself this time(for 30 whole days).

Mr. Roboto, Styx
(don't laugh its a good song!)

CRACK!

Well today I ran exactly 1 mile and 1 step. And then crack, pain to the brain. I stop, adjust my shoelaces, take a step- ouch. I stop again, and loosen the shoes a little, and take another step- OUCH. So I bend down a third time and untie my shoe make it completely loose and limp to the truck.
I go home I've only been gone less than 20 minutes everyone is asleep including the dogs. I leave the lights out, get ice from the freezer and sit on the floor in my room, in the dark icing my foot listening to Hubbs snore. Eventually a child gets up, finds me and wakes Hubbs. I am very calmly say " I broke something, I have to get an x-ray". No tears. I knew it wasn't good but I was and still am strangely okay with it.
I went to an urgent care nearby, I knew by expereince they have an xray machine there, since I was there in april. (cheaper copays!) I walked in, got an x-ray. The tech taking my films politely stated " you said you were running this morning. It's freezing out there!" I dryly replied, "yeah I was, that stuff doesn't matter to me". P.A. came into the room and told me I have a stress fracture and she used the phrase "little bone chip". I was awarded crutches and a sexy ortho shoe. I will be calling Dr. C. one monday- my ortho. Until then I was told to stay off it and not work until he said so. Still no tears.

Remember how I talked about my right leg during the marathon? Also how it's not been right since? That's the leg. Its the back of my right foot near my ankle.
I have not cried at all about this. I am sort of in a sick way proud of it. It is in no way debilitating. I almost considering it a marathon parting gift. (go for broke remember? well I'm broke.) I will be running again. It may be difficult to handle life of course if the doctor keeps me from walking on it, but I seriously doubt he will. I am not even in that much pain. So for this weekend, I am taking it easy and I am for once NOT WORRIED. I was blessed to complete my marathon and realize my dream, and now it's time for a rest. I'll update as I find out what's going on.

No worries.
Peaceful Easy Feeling, The Eagles.

Lately

So this week I haven't done much yet. I have only run once since the race. Last Friday. I am feeling a little more of what I did to myself. I am getting back to normal slowly. I had a massage Monday, then last night I went to body combat. I had a good time at the class but I still felt really tired during and weak.
I am trying to manange my post race blues, cause I got em. I miss Wednesday long days sooooo much. So yesterday I signed up for the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in May. Its not a full 26.2 but its what I will be able to handle this year. Our family keeps changing. My big boy will be probably starting some activity, and my little boy will be potty training, both require more of me and my time. I am excited about it because most of my running pals are running it too. I think its going to be fun!
I am trying to improve on myself before training ramps up again: I am trying not to slack on my diet. I am scaling down my consumption of calories until I start slamming out 10 milers again. I am adding more classes to my workout schedule, hanging at the gym more. I am also trying to improve my skin care. DAMN =>I have acne now. Those long runs do nothing for your complexion. Yesterday I discovered an ear zit. It hurt and there was no way of getting to it, probably from having my ear buds in. NASTY. So anyone got skin care tips? I feel like I am taking a lap back through puberty. I need to do some shopping soon for gear too. I am in the market for a new sports bra, the marathon killed my favorite one. I might try a new brand of shoes next time I swing by Lloyds too. I can't help but notice most of my gear even when clean still stinks a little, I want to try and figure out a solution to that also. I am so shopping for cheesy 26.2 crap too. My minivan needs a sticker and so does my truck and I need a cheesy T shirt for sheez.

In my non running part of life I am trying to improve too. I am cleaning every room in my house ceiling to floor. It needs it, I learned to step over that stuff this summer. I am suddenly noticing the dustbunnies that I told myself were invisible this summer. Rearranging and reorganizing little by little. Time marches on, and my kids are getting bigger too, we'll be discovering new things this year.

I can't help to feel a little bit lost right now. But I'm working on it.

wah wah song: James Blunt, Goodbye My Lover

My Marathon Playlist

In exact order these are the songs I ran my marathon with:

Not Afraid, Eminem
Gonna Fly Now(John X Remix), The Best of Rocky*
Somebody to Love, Queen
Hey Ya!, Outkast
Closer to the Edge, 30 Seconds to Mars
Sing, My Chemical Romance
Magic, B.O.B.
Dog Days Are Over, Florence and the Machine
Dynamo of Volition, Jason Mraz
Hey Jude, Paul McCartney
Blinded By The Light, Manfred Manns Earth Band
All I Want, A Day to Remember
All Signs Point to Launderdale, A Day to Remember
Gives You Hell, The All American Rejects
So Big, Iyaz
Longshot, Kelly Clarkson
Club Can't Handle Me, Flo Rida
Amerie, Gotta Work
My Baby Daddy, B-Rock and the Bizz
What the Hell, Avril Lavigne
What You Know, Two Door Cinema Club
Jackie Wilson Said, Van Morrison
Over The Rainbow, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
I Believe I can Fly, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Only The Good Die Young, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Kiss with A Fist, Florence and the Machine
Beauty In The World, Macy Gray
Killing In the Name, Rage Against the Machine
Dance Or Die, Family Force 5
American Idiot, Green Day
Song 4 Mutya, Groove Armada
Guilty as Charged, Gym Class Heros
Friend Like That, Hawk Nelson
I'm In Love With A Sociopath, I Hate Kate
You! Me! Dancing, Los Campesinos!
Don't Ask Me, Ok Go
Ghostie, Punchline
Disturbia, Rihanna
You're Gonna Go Far Kid, Offspring
Gimme Chemicals, The Pink Spiders
Don't Hold Back, The Sleeping
Heart In A Cage, The Strokes
Contagious, Boys Like Girls*
Love Drunk, Boys Like Girls
Love Like Woe, The Ready Set
Dancing Queen, Abba
Respect, Aretha Franklin
I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
More Than A Feeling, Boston
Do Wop, Lauren Hill
Break Stuff, Limp Bizkit*
So What, Pink
Raise Your Glass, Pink
Just Run, Digital Summer
Dead in a Grave, Rev Theory*
Justice, Rev Theory*
Pretty Girl Rock, Keri Hilson
Bouncin' Back, Mystikal
One, Sky Ferreira
Diamond Eyes, Shinedown*
Another F.U. Song, Reel Big Fish
Hate You, Reel Big Fish
Shine, Cindy Lauper
Bad Reputation, Joan Jett
Shout, Joan Jett
Don't Bring Me Down, E.L.O.
Pork and Beans, Weezer
Perfect Situation, Weezer
Surf Wax America, Weezer
Love Song, Four Year Strong*
My Humps, Black Eye Peas
Guts, All Time Low
Shark Attack, Limp Bizkit
Don't Stop Believing, Journey*
Any Way You Want It, Journey
Don't Back Down, The Queers
Feel Like I Do, Drowning Pool
You Can Do It, Ice Cube
Ruby Soho, Rancid
Float On, Modest Mouse
Till I Collapse, Eminem*
ABC, Jackson 5
I Want You Back, Jackson 5
All These Things I Hate, Bullet For My Valentine
God Will Lift Up Your Head, Jars of Clay
Run In The Night, Jars Of Clay
Out Of My Hands, Jars Of Clay*
Ladies and Gentlemen, Saliva
Break Stuff, Limp Bizkit*
Heist, Ben Folds*
Philosophy(live), Ben Folds*
There's Always Someone Cooler than You, Ben Folds
The Take Over The Breaks Over, Fall Out Boy
Second to None, Styles of Beyond
Pretty Handsome Awkward, The Used
Real Gone, Sheryl Crow
B.O.B., Outkast
The Distance, CAKE
Sheep Go TO Heave, CAKE
Cinderella Man, Eminem*
We Will Rock You, Queen
Walking on Sunshine, Katrina and The Waves
Dirty Little Secret, All American Rejects
Good Life, One Republic
Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison
Each Tear, Mary J. Blige
Bulls on Parade, Rage Against the Machine
Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn, Hello Goodbye
Crushcrushcrush, Paramore
Faith, Limp Bizkit*
Animal, Neon Trees
Hashpipe, Weezer
Remember the Name, Fort Minor*
One Step At A Time, Four Year Strong*
Paper Planes, M.I.A.
Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons
Eye of The Tiger, Survivor
I Just Wanna Run, The Downtown Fiction
Head for the Barrcade, Limp Bizkit
Of All The Gin Joints of all The World, Fall Out Boy

*note never leaving my mp3 list

Ben Folds - Learn To Live With What You Are

Life goes on bro

So this morning I ran! Only 2 miles, the first mile was really good, the second mile I must have snagged my pants on the start and tried to run around the track attached, it was harder. But I do have to say I didn't expected 5 days post marathon to be running already. Holla!
As I rested I have been thinking, about what all this means. I want to run more marathons. I think I will stay half trained as long as I can, just to keep the base. As for another full, its got to wait awhile, its expensive I have 2 kids and my support system needs a break. I have my eye on a couple 5k's and will be working on the all over picture of Manda. Loosing weight, doing speed work, cross training and strength training. I know I can only get better from here.
I made an appointment for a consultation for a tummy tuck/ loose skin chop. I am going to go talk to the doctor. I don't know where the money for something like that would come from at this time, or how much it will cost. So I am just going to get the questions over with and go from there. If it can't be done financially, it won't be done then, I am not going to take food out of my families mouth for this. I wish there was a publisher's clearing house that came to your door and said " Amanda Fink you just won an abdominalplasty get your bags bitch!" but probably won't happen. I can't go on not at least asking about it anymore so I grew a set and made an appointment. That's 10-18-11, hopefully I still have the stones to keep my appointment and ask the questions I have been wondering for so long. Well even if its just a silly pipedream I am going because if this year has taught me anything its to dream big, and never say never.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Me First And The Gimmegimmes