Honest.

I have talked about brutal honesty a lot as I write my blog. I can't say enough how being honest and open has changed my life.
Before, even as a young teen I was secretive about my weight. It was painful because I was larger than most. So instead of getting weighed and a physical with the other girls in 8th grade my mom took me to the doctor and I explained what I was fretting about. The doctor wrote "normal" on my physical paper under weight.
I was a frequent starter and quitter. When things got tough I gave up. Every time I let something go I took on more. More food, more calories, more flab, more self loathing, more bad habits.
I used to pretend I didn't smoke around my mom, dad, and in laws. It was obvious that I smelled like body splash(too much of it) and cigarettes. But I was a master of bullshit and immaturity.
When I had an excuse to not be taking care of myself, for example my foot pain in my 20's, I milked that excuse dry. I couldn't exercise cause it hurt, that's why I'm getting fatter- its not my fault. Better start smoking more, that's stressing me out.
I struggled in the beginning of nursing school in college to be perfect. I had to actually give up my opinions of the world and life and admit I didn't know everything, then I was able to be taught. Yeah really, I used to argue in lectures, then I saw my first grade and realized these people were being paid to teach me what they know not the other way around. That was humbling- I needed it. I finished school with an impressive average because I listened to what was told to me and studied it.
I think being humbled makes you better than you were. It may seem terrible at first but its a lesson from God that will carry you through life. I am thankful for what that has done in my life.
I am not going to go back into the epiphany that started my whole weight loss and fitness process again. It became easy when I stopped hiding. When I cried out for help. And it has only gotten better as I share the process with others.
It won't do me any favors to fudge anything. Being honest really takes the bad feelings out of your head.  I strive to be totally honest, it keeps me out of trouble. Its also one quality that has been so hard for me achieve I really admire seeing it in others. Its really my idea of courage and strength. Yesterday would have been a day I would have loved to be dishonest but I posted my gain. I felt like it cast a shadow of failure and doubt over my head all day. I am glad I shared though, it will only make the progress that much sweeter.

Onward friends!

Ben Folds, There's Always Someone Cooler Than You