Snickelfritz

Still a little sick. Now lung butter is all gone, asthma has really kicked up. I made an appointment with my actual doctor and will wait until monday to see him. Its been a full week since my last run its starting to mess with me. I really can't believe how much i need it. I am getting cranky. Maybe I could just walk or something.... But a lass, i can't breathe. so I probably won't be. I am on steriods since last week, still hitting the puffer all day. And The reality that its sunny today and gonna be over 32 is messing with me. I want to goooooooooo so bad. I really want to run the race on the 8th but I really don't know if its possible with out breathing. Hopefully if I rest as time progresses I will be able to. If not I will hold my water and just keep on keeping on. I just want to run it makes all the wrinkles in my life smooth for awhile.
For christmas I got a Jeff Galloway book, 1/2 Marathon You can do IT!, I got a nike shoe chip(which I haven't used yet). Under armor cold gear top and bottom and a sweat shirt and gloves. All are washed and ready for their chance to be made smelly. Its almost funny, what are the chances. I still will use the crap out of all that stuff and am excited to have it. I just wish i was physically able cause my husband is home all week on vacation and I have all the child care I need to train. AASAAAAARRRRHHHHHHHH. Am I in a Ziggy cartoon?
To cancel out all the bitching I will now state my gratitude for the year. I am so happy for the physical ability to run and exercise. I am thankful for use of my body when so many can't. I marvel at my luck to not sustain any serious injury thus far. I am so thankful to have fixed my cholesterol completely with just will and sweat. Its great to really smile for pictures again cause there is a better chance I won't be embarrassed to be in it. I am so thankful that I tried to change myself, because this time I did. Its a long road, A tough road but I am up for it. :) I can wait until I am better cause this is far from over just a short interlude to the next act.
song: Jason Mraz, Life is Wonderfull

Maybe I should add an offseason.

So the larngitis has developed to full-on lung butter again. And last night at work in the thick of being busy I had a huge asthma attack, ended up having to go to the emergency room because my rescue inhaler didn't help me. Yeah tough guys love crying and panting infront of people they are supposed to be in charge of, and then go to emergency rooms crying and almost faint. They asked me what medications I was on and I was so confused I couldn't remember. I am going to consult my doctor. There are other factors in play here. I am sick. I have allergies. I will not except to quit running. I will take it easy and bench this next race on the 8th if he asks me too. I don't believe its running that is making asthma worse for me. Because I ran through pollen of both spring and fall and super duper humidity and pollution never needed my puffer. I think Its something else. my theory its work related. There is a cat that lives where i work I know it bothers me too. I have had trouble swallowing before there, even itching and hives. I always feel worse days after the weekend, I think I maybe having an employment issue. I will gladly look elsewhere if that means running is still an option for me.
I quote the karate kid today. Life will knock you down, you choose whether to get up or not.
right now I'm going back to bed in my sad little snowflake birthcontrol pajamas(yeah they are that ugly) and my inhaler.
Dr. S will be hearing from this girl tomorrow.

Mr. and Mrs DASH

I'm all signed up for warrior dash june 4th at 9am. Guess who signed up with me RYAN! I am so proud of you honey and its going to be awesome. And really muddy.( www.warriordash.com)
really looking forward to it. Training is going to be interesting 2.9 mile run with 14 obstacles from hell is what they advertise. There is a short video on this website to demonstrate.
Then back to my wonderful running out doors. Not saying that its outside's fault but I have laryngitis again. Everyone at work was sick and my throat started feeling sore saturday night. I think i ripped up my throat in the cold then exposed myself to germs. Whatever seriously I feel fine I just cant' talk. My throat doesn't even hurt now. I may run today. probaby inside though. I am thinking it would be intellegent to no run outside anymore until the race, for tissue repair reasons. But i kinda want to and hubbys home.....descions descions.
hahaha
song: Smile, Gnarles Barkley

brrrrrr

So I made it to the track, yeah snow everywhere so i got my spikes on. They work like a dream. I don't think they will last long though they scoot around a bit after 4 miles. And at this rate, my lungs were happy, no injuries, and frankly numb in places I am going to name the track "mandas track" this winter. It was fun to be all by my self. I could sing to my music and dance around a little. So much fun. I had to pee at mile 2 oh lord thats colllllldddd. Made it all the way through 4 miles. then triumphantly stretched and got all the way to the truck and glory- my keyless was frozen. Guess where the phone was. Yep in the truck too. Oh boy. so about 10 minutes of jerking the dork around and kicking the door once I found someone to used thier phone. Ryan was busy with the kids and didn't hear the phone. about another 10 painful minutes later someone came along and let me use thier phone and i called my mom's beauty shop and she sent someone for me. finally 5 more minutes later she pulls up. I burst into tears and she takes me home. i stayed in the shower for a half an hour. i am still cold as I type this. wearing just about everything i own. Now I am sweater by nature. its always flinging everywhere. my butt was wet, and so were my compression shorts. standstill for 25minutes in 18degree weather. I think they were literally fixed to my ass frozen. my water bottle did freeze in that time. It was scary and painful. Is that going to stop me OH HELLL No! The spikes are great. Lungs like the weather. I'm down and I'm the real deal. Bring on winter baby, I have NO off season.
Song: Raise your glass, PINK

warrior race?

I just heard of a race called a warrior race. Its an obstacle course and a 5k. its 2hours away in june. You get a big turkey leg and helmet for finishing. Totally considering making it my birthday weekend. lol.
Made it through 2 body combats and 4 miles so far. hoping to get out in the cold saturday morning with my spikes for a freeze run.
song: Fall out boy, Going down swinging

It on for sure!

so I am so lucky to have the day off for my little chilly cheeks race on the 8th! I am excited cause i love an excuse to run. Um but, mayyyyyybe alittle nervous about this one. what if i fall and break my ass? I have some spikes for my shoes but i have yet to practice because its always dark when i have child care. i may not runn out doors until at least the weekend. definately this will be interesting. and maybe a little funny too. i am excited. i can't beleive how fast xmas season is making everything. i am busy doing something constantly. cooooonnnnnsssssttttaaannnttttllllyyy.
seriously. its worth it i love my kids, and my family. i am feeling a tad um chubby though. i am getting on that scale tomorrow to face the music. i don't think i have gained but i feel yucky from the weekend of indulging.
going to run tonight. bodycombat tomorrow weather permitting. I really feeling like a pretend fight will get me back into reality. lol. its true!

omni heat baby

I got a new coat. a columbia omni heat! it is the best its too bad i can't wrap my ears in it, then i'd be good. I am getting pysched about trying to run out in the snow. now if someone would come watch the kids for me so i could do so.....
can't wait love the coat.

Damage control

I've had a rough couple of weeks emotionally. Just worried about things I can't controll. I have been more um inclined to eat my feelings. I really haven't gained. But I could have lost and I didn't. So I am on Isagenix until I get rid of what I have left and see where I'm at.
And yesterday body combat totally made me super sore. my shoulders feel like broken glass. For as lame as I look and as much as I mess up I sure still get benefit from it.
I think I got help for the race as long as my boss allows it. I'll find out this weekend.... fingers crossed.

cripes

I didn't realize Resolution run was the 8th! I already requested a day off the week before :(. OH well i registered anyway and hopefully I will get the day off. If not money went to an awesome cause. Its my cousin-in-laws dad's memorial foundation. I hope I get to go. It would be fun to do something like that.

I think being well is more rare

I am sick again. With a cold and coughing again. I don't feel as bad this time I am actually still excersing, but not as awesome at it as usually. SO according to my calcuations, I am still in training for yet another race. Resolution run is just a month from today. Its already snowing. This should be interesting. SANTA BETTER BRING ME AN UNDER ARMOR COMPRESSION TOP, i've been good all year.
sorry for all the snotrags at the gym guys. girls gotta blow. (but at least i pick them up)

OH yeah baby! Number two!

I placed today! I can't believe it. There is usually always at least 3 people that are better than me. Well not today. Granted I was 100th finishing but I was second in the old beeoch category and I got a medal. What a feeling. I almosted cried. my time 32.56. I big improvement since aug 1!
I had an asthma attack, and I was over dressed. at half way my coat wieghed so much from the water I threw it off in the mud and kept going. When i got back it wieghed 10 pounds. I love being a rain runner. Good times people. good times.
proud of me..... yep (shh don't tell)
song: The Rocky Theme (what else?)

race tomorrow

Well yesterday i was fortunate to go run outside. my lungs did awesome. no inhaler needed. but my left foot/ankle bothers me to the point at 2.5 mile point i must untie my lace and walk/limp to the finish. It feels better today but not all the way better. I am kinda nervous about the race. I am going to run, I just hope its not agony, or agony inflicting after. this keeps it interesting because at this point I don't even know how i'll do.....
okay really nervous. wish me luck

Come on now!

So yesterday while going around a corner at work I heard: "Is she pregnant?"
SERIOUSLY!?! I Thought I was dressed nicely. In fact one of my more fitted scrubs, so not all lumpy. I hate that. It really hurts my feelings cause I can't do anything about it. At least they didn't ask me to my face.....
I try so hard. I don't get far somedays. :(
its about health. not looks. looks are just perks. i think i need a little body combat therapy, to punch my imaginary doofus people.

Race next week!

Gobblers' Gallop is 6 days away! I am back to my running. My issue is running outside. This should be interesting. I am curious to see my time. I am awesome on the treadmil, not really even breathing outdoors. Hopefully we get a warmer day. its set for 10a so hopefully it warms up.
I don't have much to say cause everything is puckered up, tense and afraid to even speak of the upcoming event. I remain hopeful. And that spunk that keeps me going, yeah its still there. I don't know what it is but when all arrows point to no- I force the issue to yes. I will be okay cause I am a stubborn ass. :)
song: I will not Bow, Breaking Benjamin (explicit)

Feeling a little better

Getting on board with the medications and actually feeling less scared. Praying this will help! I don't have much else to say today. Just I am starting to get away from funkville!
song: BOB, outkast

Scared me enough

So Thursday I decided that I was feeling "well" enough to go to the gym and run. I got about a mile on the treadmil and I got called to the daycare to change a diaper, and then decided by the time I came back I wanted to do bodycombat. So I jumped in. Almost an hour through the class, I had to duck out. I couldn't breathe. Not a normal "oh crap wheres my inhaler", more like "oh no I'm going to puke in public and pass out". I made it to the bathroom, by this point I'm sobbing. I sat down on the toilet with my head in my hands and just cried. I was disoriented. I was upset at myself for being weak, for letting myself quit, and for letting my attack get so bad before I quit. I rested for a few minutes then got my boys to take home. I could hardly get them in the car. Then very alert and scared drove home. By the time I got to the door to my house I really couldn't understand how to unlock the door for a second. This prevoked a second burst of sobbing. I sat out on my porch watching my kids in the sandbox pretty close to hysterical. Its scary to be in charge of other lives when you feel that sick. This forced me to do what I don't like to do. Go to the damn doctors again! I hate telling them I don't feel good or somethings wrong. Infact I wait so long I feel emotional to explain why i'm there.
I went to the doctors today, explained my problems and got some different medications for asthma and allergies. I hope they help and not hinder. Sometimes I feel so challenged I don't feel strong enough to face any new ones.
This episode was not easy for me to share. I thank god that I made it home safe and nothing worse happened.
Listen to: Evanescese, "You"

basement running

Last night I ran in my basement. Its nothing special, I didn't really go nuts even because I'm still recovering from feeling pretty yucky. My lungs are hanging in there though. I really got a get a poster or something in that basement I stared at a speck on the drywall. Um yeah not too exciting. It felt good to actually be moving. I realllllllllly miss running outside. I bought treads for my running shoes yesterday. Wishful thinking I will have some one to baby sit before its dark, but if I get a chance I am shooting out that damn door. I really like to be able to see the scenery move and its cool to be able to run anywhere on anything but I prefer god's treadmil.

Ok, disclaimer, this is lame *blush*. Recently Al Roacher and Merideth Vierra, and even Jarod from subway just ran the New York city Marathon. Watching them finish actually touched me to tears. I really want to do that someday. And then same day watching Hercules, with my son this song also chokes me up in the same respect:
I have often dreamed
Of a far of place
Where a great warm welcome
Will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I will find my way
I can go the distance
I'll be there someday
If I can be strong
I know every mile
Will be worth my while
I will go most anywhere to feel like I belong.....
(go the distance, Hercules Soundtrack)

Its silly. But so am I. Its my dream, and I'm going to do it someday.

uh huh

So friday I went to an urgent care for myself. feeling a problem breathing. i aggrivated my ashtma and was having an attack so i had a nebulizer treatment, and he have me a scrpt for steriods. lovely. so to recap i have exercised 3 times last week. once was i running. i am not supposed to be running for a nother day or so. i don't think i can take much more illness and i am supposed to be training for a race. :(

moving along.....

I really am feeling better still having a cough now and then especially when I exercise. I had to get my inhaler durning class yesterday, thats sucks. I hope it eases up soon. I haven't been running since friday night. my heel was hurting, felt better then no wait i did run monday night. tues body combat, thursday body combat. by rights I should run today/tonight. I probably will. my feet feel better. I know they say if you are using a certain pair of shoes for running they should be for only that but i wore them to my classes this week to help break them in and it really helped they are much more flexible. and i think the blister issue is over too.
we are just shy of 3 weeks to race day. i need to get moving on the training. i just have such a good time in those classes the new stuff is really tough, i actually have sweat come out of my shoes. so i guess i am going to have to reslove to only one :( body combat next week. in my defense the last time I pulled 2 classes in a week i dropped 5 big ones like a sack of potatoes. Its a lot harder to run my life when i do that because simple tasks like going pee is painful to sit, but no pain no gain? right? but I ramble on and on.... running getting serious, back to the program.... ;)

i am so awesome it hurts

I don't know what happend to yesterdays blog, but i am not seeing it. to update the entire week has been surrendered to illness and massive amounts of lung butter. Last night, still hoarse and full of boogies, but feeling better I did three miles. It was cold but I went outdoors because people at the gym would have thrown up if they saw just how much my nose was running. i made it 3 but no further. I felt alot better after ward and i probaby would have been fine if i would have gone home and rested but I had to go shopping afterward and every step at the store was a little sore. I attributed it to tiredness. Came home, went to bed.
Got up this morning and oh my lord my heel on my left leg is killing me. I have had this one other time before same leg a couple months ago. I had to hobble for a whole day and then it was better the next day. Well I am trying everything to get it loosened up and feeling better, and i'm limping. I have to work tonight too. Crap. I hope that its miraculously healed in the morning.
I guess I should have stayed sick and stayed home. I hurt myself trying to be awesome.
song: AintLove a Kick in the Head, Dobby Darin

this is ridiculous!

I am still sick with respiratory illness. sick and pissed off! i am missing my exercise, i am tired of feeling yucky and everyone in my house is sick and cranky too!.
Mind you, I am supposed to be training for my turkey day race. grrrr, this time i was thinking i was going to be faster now i just want to make it through a run with out barfing up a lung. 27 training days left. I can't stand illpreparedness!
i will get on that stanken treadmil with 24hours of the blog sick or not, maybe in my basement so if i throw up bathroom is 10feet away....
when i was in highschool we used to call excessive mucous, lung butter. Yep I got lots of lung butter( that made me smile thinking of my friends).

old school song suggestion: You make me sick, Pink

seriously?

I got a lovely cold. Benching it until i have partial use of my nostrils. Staying positive. it could always be worse!
aacho...bless me

oh poo

Up for a nice little sunrise run. going for 5miles in my fancy new shoes. Yep that didn't happen. I got halfway through 1st mile and sudden downpour caught me, i kept going. I was shaking off like a dog. It let up, it was cold but nice a lonsome on the track then, on the 3rd mile my heel started to blister! i used my trick with the lube on my sock and on the out side of my sock. crap i hope i am not starting another month of bloody heels, i am starting to train for my turkey race.
so 3 miles is it for today, turds.

gobblers gallop here we go

So i signed up for a 5k on thanksgiving day today. I am totally bashing my old tradition of sitting in my stretchy pants infront of a tv all day and eating until i almost throw up and possibly clogging a toilet. This turkey day I am going to earn some of those calories and I pledge to not eat like a glutton. I am going to have tiny portions of everything!
I am excited to get back to training for a race. I am ready but I can always try to get better. I got some brand new runnning kicks which I will be using really soon just as soon as I figure out how to put the yanks in. (yanks- bungee shoelaces that encourage laziness).
I hope its a nice day to race. But I am going no matter what, hopefully not inches of snow by that point.
i have this stuck in my head "way to go idaho!"

5 lbs toast

I got off the 5 pounds. i swear i can teeter 10 pounds in 24 hours, its crazy. i just can't break my lowest weight. thats the new goal. get to the 180's. (short term) i shall do it, its getting on my nerves and when some thing annoys me, i do it.
tonight we do 3 miles. tomorrow we body combat! looking forward to getting back into that! swinging my fists around in the air to music is suprizingly freeing and fun!

ipod suggestion:
don't hold back by the sleeping

you have my permission

I am so irritated with myself. I had lost 5 pounds and as my stressful week commenced i ate my feelings and now its back. So you have my full permission if you see me with something unhealthy to smack my hands, SMACK it out right out of my damn hands! that really makes me irritated. I am never going to loose these last 50 if i just excercise enough to maintain. Time to get serious or the great race 10k is going to reallly suck being the biggest one in line. i think i am going to do biggest looser at the gym in january. I think I will be calling tracy too, I need some pain to not do what I have been doing!
hitting the gym tonight. i promise to be walking funny in the morning

listen t0: beck, Looser

yoi.

So sorry its been forever. I got through my first 2 weeks at my new job, by the skin of my teeth. both children have suffered colds and one still has a fever since then, its been rough. It hasn't kept me from running. Infact its making me work harder, cause i am just so frustrated. Its really tough for me not be the best at stuff, even when I am learning it, causes frustration, then I really need to take it out on something, anything.
Wednesday night I did 3 miles in the cold rain, not a sprinkle. It was awesome, it was dark and sloppy and it really was probably one of the highlights of my week. I think that might make me a dork.

365

Today is The Great Race. Next year is Manda's Great Race. We start the count down. I am currently looking for a race, i don't have a ton a possibles for this month. I think I might go to one on thanksgiving morning.
Just want to start the count down....

song Weightless, ATL

Great News.

So I found out I totally killed my cholesterol! Its well with in normal limits, in fact I don't have to come back for a follow up either. My doctor was really impressed. Also Impressed with my Blood Pressure and resting heart rate. He said he's going to tell everyone to be more like me! I still need to loose more weight but my health is no longer an issue at this time!
I told him I never took the aciphex that he prescribed to. He did give me a script and I just threw it out. I wanted to do it on my own, and I am doing it. He wants a finish picture at the great race next year, and he's getting one. The count down starts this time next year I will be preparing to run. I am preparing already....10k baby all the way. At this time I don't really have a race to plan for. I am getting set in my new job then I'll start pecking around for one.
I think I am going to make an appt to get re evalutated for life insurance I could be paying less now I think.

I know I know I'm going...

Going to the gym this morning with the kids going to do 4 boring ones on a treadmil, i haven't posted much lately due to busy. I will hoping back to normal soon.

yeah baby

With loaded sinuses, my horrible cramps, neck pain, and a stomach ache I went to the track this morning and I had an awesome time. I was due for a good run. Boogers flying everywhere, 4.5 miles of a very stress relieving trot. Thank god for my outlet! I know I don't get a lot of time to go to church, I consider that time with my thoughts, and time with god. Today it was that, every step counted.
I smile and look up with appreciation.

Trying to keep focus

I am actually starting to miss my runs. I went monday, and then did body combat today, its not like I am not giving effort but I think its time to add more. Maybe its time for another mile.
I am so stressed right now with the job change, and preschool starting, and other minute details in my life topsy turvy. I am making it my mission this month to exercise or run every other day no matter what because I feel myself slipping into the i'm busy excuse. Nope not going to happen. I will be there, tired and dragging but it will get done.
Running down the track with all that golden rod suprizes me, wow thats a lot of mucus I make when I am so dehydrated and sweating where the hell does it come from? Monday I blew a snot rocket ever 1/4 mile. The oldies walking the track were grossed out but I have asthma when I am like that I gotta clear my airway.... so sorry about your luck if you get caught i the cross fire, but I love it and I can't stay indoors just for allergies, its just isn't fair to this ball of nerves.
Running : its such a nasty dirty dingy sport but its really my sanity. The track doesn't care if you blow your nose, it doesn't care if you are stanking sweating, it doesn't care what you got on, and it doesn't care if it hurts you. You just carve your track for the day, take it wth you to prove it doesn't break you. thats it, when its good its great when its bad its still pretty good.
mood song: Celtic New Year, Van Morrison

Ouch

So I am currently going to start a new job, I was out in my interview outfit. I was feeling at least like I looked professional maybe even a little pretty and some old piece of crap asked me if I know the sex of the baby I am having. Well of course this is soooo insulting it happens probably once a week working with the elderly and wearing baggy scrubs. But that one would have ment she though I was over 20weeks pregnant. My body shape naturally has always had a bit of a pooch. Now after 2 pregnancies and being so large I am left with a deflated circus tent. The rest of me is looking pretty fit, or getting there and well that thing is alien looking. I have always felt like that surgery was too life endangering to ever consider, but yesterday I would have laid on the table under the knife. I am working hard and nothing in that region ever changes and its all lopsided too, I wonder if I have muscle separation. My plan with spouse on board is to loose the rest of my weight, get to my goal then consult a surgeon to just talk about it.
I could probably run a mile with that bitch tied to my back, she has no idea who she is talking to!

In honor of the busibody song suggestion: See ya later by the queers (if you look that up don't play it around kids).

Its all still there....

I find recently becoming more shy about myself. The classes i've been taking are fun, which by the way said I wouldn't then decided to go. Its so hard for me to get going these days. Even lastnight I had a child free chance to get to the gym and run, and until I hit my last mile did I even feel good. This was a new shoe night too, what? Hecks yeah the shoes are great, but I just can't get over myself lately. It comes down too, sometimes all the wieght and size, its all still there. I don't see a difference in my mind, it beats me down. I don't understand myself sometimes. I guess you never really get over body image issues. I am not going to stop ever. If I have to fling myself into that class once a week, and stare at me in the mirror to get over it, I guess I will. I still have 50 pounds to go, maybe thats part of it, this plateau will never end!!!!
I have more to say on my whining issue but theres kids hanging on my legs, I go blank.

thanks for the class paula its fun!

Really just tired.

Golden rods' out, I am feeling not the greatest. its been a week today since a serious run, i worked out thursday but i still wasn't feeling right. Its been a tax on my life just to do normal stuff. I am just tired I think, my kids are getting all boogery too, and whiney we all maybe getting sick. I dont think we'll be doing gym daycare this week, they dont want em wiping boogers everywhere. Husbands gone again, treadmil not set up. I am just going to try to catch up some house work and clean up the spot for this darn thing so again I can say no excuses. But embarassed this week about how much I didn't do. Laziness..... uh.

song: Looser, Beck

Body Combat

Hey that was pretty fun! My only peeve is the mirrors in the room. I feel gross jumping around and being able to see all my goodness flopping around. Something about all the punching gives relief I have been needing. Lots of frustrating crap in my life. I think I'll be coming back to that class I like to throw the big elbow.
This morning (ryans away) the baby woke up at 4 am, oh dang I could hardly sit up. I was thinking I was going to feel fine, yeah waist up is like petrified wood. Good ole running legs still good.
I had NO idea I would like that kind of experience at all, I was pleasantly suprised. Now I am just sore!

The hills

I did a new route lastnight, I ran 3 new hills, i don't have the mileage but it probably was about 3 maybe 4 miles. I am soooo much slower on the hills, i am feeling okay this morning but its definately something i need to wedge in to my running.
I STILL haven't ordered shoes, i am just so busy i keep forgetting then i remember when i get a chance to run.
Oh yeah I am proud of myself the BIG hill by my house, i should call it notorius BIG hill. I didn't stop in my efforts to run up it. A first for this girl< the people that live on the flat part just after it must of thought I was going to need an ambulance. Eyes in your head people this girl's got asthma, and shes fine.

Ipod suggestion: Weightless by ATL

Check check on the list

Yeah treadmill acquired! Finally my house is equipped for the winter. Its in the garage cause I need to clear a childfree zone in the storage room(future gym), but I finally got a good secondhand treadmill for running when its bad out, and gym is not an option. Now I can FORCE my husband to do it too, no excuses. Hon I know you are reading get ready. haha!
I am going to make an appointment this week to get my cholesterol rechecked I hope its improving I am really trying to fix myself.
Tonight i am hoping for the chance to go to the track tonight, Tomorrow we try Body Combat. (this could be bad stay tuned)

Woof.

So I made an awesome dinner lastnight, feeling guilty I decided to run last night. I did 3 miles, decent time, this morning I am sucking Aleve again. That right leg is bothering me again, darn it. I am starting to wonder if its already shoe time again? I know they recommend 200 miles I do between 3-5 every0ther day, Its been 2 months so what is that? Calculator says at the best thats 150miles roughly maximum. I guess I have to take in account my size and the pain I am feeling and say duh. Maybe i'll order them, then keep my aging pair just in case I get mondo blisters again.
Also I snagged a double jogger at a yard sale, before I got sick. Its ready too, so I have no excuse!

Gnarlly Duuuuude.

So No runs since the race, I did a half ass workout at the gym last tuesday, partially from nerves partially from soreness. Well Then Thursay night I got superduper sick with a fever, i guess it was food poisoning but I have barely even been hydrated even today. I lost 10lbs. thinking of running tonight, maybe we'll just go to the gym tomorrow this house is in disrepair.
So I am working on getting my legs back under me, after my gnarly sickness, you don't even want to know what happened.

Babies in the mix

So I survived yesterday taking my children with me to the gyms daycare. Um who knew it would be so damn easy?! I seriously couldn't believe they weren't screaming, or they didn't even turn around when I came to the door. This could be the start of something beautiful. I definatley will be taking advantage of this luxury. They want to go right back too! haha. We I twisted my right leg up tuesday a little before the race, then agrivated it a little during the race, now very stiff waiting for aleve to work. So It shall be today off. I had a massage yesterday, That maybe why all the sudden I feel a little worse. I am a lactic acid bubble farm. So today, I hobble around my house and try to clean, and drink lots of water.
I am going to bring back the strength training, I am admittedly skipping on to run, I shall be going back to, My legs are trying to tell me something. Maybe i'll jump into a class soon, correction maybe i'll slip into the back of a class, i'd already be in one if there were no mirrors. No body wants to see that, even me. haha, I usually need a few cocktails to dance around infront of people.
So to recap, taking my medicine, thanking god for small favors, and preparing to get down to serious business!

Race Results

I'm an improvement in process. I did 34:08 big difference. But aug 1 at 6pm after a stressful day on my feet could have hindered what I feel could have been better. I was shooting for 30 min.
I have to say I am disapointed some. And I got a good shot of reality too. I am huge compaired to the average runner. I felt out of place, I felt like I needed to get to work too.
I am getting discouraged, it has to stop. Lots of stress coming from everywhere it effects me physically just like anyone else.
Tomorrow we are going to the gym. Me and the boys for the first time. I really hope they want to play I am going to super tense< i have never taken them anywhere to a stranger in a daycare kinda setting a dropped them off. I may take more time because my right leg is a twisted up and sore, and I'm a wuss.
As you can see in the picture, everyone is really impressed.....haha. At least the dog in the background was interested.

one run left

last night i ran around the time of race time, it just worked out that way but i can say i am prepared now i guess :P for the time of day.
I did really well for the heat and really being busy during the day. I took 3, 1 minute rest breaks. I didn't time myself for 2 reasons: 1. I don't have a stop watch, i am asking for one for christmas. 2. I don't want to fake the flu and miss the race either, right now i feel slightly confident. i was pretty proud to keep my pace even if it's towards the turtle-side of the lawnmower speed. maybe i should just get a turtle sticker for my back for race day it says i'm not here to beat you just to be amongst you. anyway, I was a cramped up by the time I got home. Definatley not a chance of running today, no danger of overdoing it.
well I was satisfied last night, almost proud. Remember people I weigh more than you, I lot more. Slap on a sack of potatoes in your backpack with some rocks, and then keep up! lol.

No matter how dirty I still suggest Not afraid by emenem

its race week!

Well, I feel enormus. I am not, really changed at all be I feel terrrible about what I ate this weekend, it was busy the stuff was easy and staring at me. I feel huge. I turn that around today, except for the pizza for lunch, going grocery shopping tonight no junk makes it in the house!
I ran friday and I ran sunday. Both okay runs but I am starting to get that 'i feel stupid for signing up for this race' feeling. I did that before, I have to remind myself, read my little bloggy log that I have been putting the time in and I can do this. Its so much more intimidating that I will have people watching me, I don't know why its always the same, I can I will and i'll get done.
Things I plan on doing differently this race:
1. don't run so much this week.- I ran every night except the night before last time, I was pretty wore out last race time.
2. PEEEeeeeee!- hopefully bathrooms nearby with a late race like this. registration 430-530 race at 6 i will be standing around drinking water cause its august, my mission is to evacuate my bladder!!!!
3. I got my fancy shoes.- I ran on my work out shoes last time with serious shin splints.
4. squish socks- eurcerin cream on my heels insdie and out my socks. blister control.
5. Pants that fit- stretchy nylon running shorts, fat or not you need your pants ON to run good.
I have to think about this some more. Trying to practice restraint this week, although I am excited I am trying to save it for the start line. My time for the first race was 37.19 I really hope I have cut a little off of that, I have been working at it all summer. I don't want to be the fastest just my personal best at the time.

running song : I'm not afraid, emenem

I need a treadmil badly

I need to go run like now! I really am getting to the point where its making me cranky if I don't go. I don't know if thats good or bad. Its busy travel season for daddy, and I really do get grandparent support most of the time, but i am whiney today. I wannnna go real bad, and i am afraid it might rain, I can always go to the gym but I really want to go outside.
bottom line, this is my break, I am needing one, daddys not home, oh the humanity. (insert primal scream here)

You strong mommy?

Last night I ran up the driveway to finish my 'hood run, Miles out on his bike watched. I grabbed onto the minivan to stretch and he said "cause you strong mommy"? I don't think that is something I will ever forget. At 3 years old he noticed. Nothing could make me actually feel stronger than that. Then he asked if I was going to push the van (I was in a lunge), he is so cute.
Tonight I worked out with Tracy in the gym, then after I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmil. I would have gone longer but I actually pressed a button on my mp3 player and bought a book on tape on rhapsody, almost tripped, then couldn't get it going again. She suggested a protien increase in my diet and carb decrease for a bit until the weight starts to come off, I am up for it. Going to give it a try.
As far as the scale goes I weight 200 lbs STILL. I was frustrated but then tonight ryan took my measurements. Since may 8th I have lost another 15 inches!!!! the biggest loss was my waist 6 inches. crazy. my boobs are disapearing, i am going to need a training bra soon. I have lost 75 inches overall. my calf measurements have increased. I am still not believing it. So running, its worth it!

lets race

Definatley gonna 5k aug 1st getting into it. did my 3.5 yesterday, going to do a nieghborhood run tonight if weather permitts. that means hills, lots of fun uneven running surfaced hills.
i am happy to say eucerin cream (petroleum based) is great for my shoes i put it on my sock on the inside and out, and it keeps the friction down, better than the runners lube i bought. i am glad too cause i needed a break from beef heels. i wish i had a water station when i run in the hood. i am really liking a drink now and then, i can't bear the thought of a fanny pack for runners yet, maybe next year when i double my competative distance for now i stay thirsty and as cool as i can be.
that stuff probably only comes in small and smaller too, its rough being a curvy runner, you really don't fit it put on a fanny pack and you end up looking like a chubby poser-tool.

As I write, i think how nobody reads this, i am still writing...

There is a 5k10k in beaver august 1st. I think i am up for the 5k. I know I am up for it. Its for the frontline initiative, decent chairty it gives capable vehicles to familys of children with terminal illnesses.
I went to the track early this morning and i could only crack out 2 miles, mother nature has me under her thumb this week, I don't appreciate it or like it, I am hungry tired and blOATED, not to mention usless on the track. I look forward to getting back to normal. I am pretty tired.

new machines

No run lastnight, I worked out with my trainer, tracy. Did pretty good too except for this dip press thing. To look at it its like a pulley thingy for like a chin up and or i needing push up sortof and you use your body wieght. Wow that hurts, It didn't even hurt as bad as I feared my arms popping out of the sockets as I sunk to the floor. Tracy even had to help me, I felt like a little kid... That stupid machine, will have to become part of my routine for strength training, its rough. It reminds me of gym class in highschool, hanging on to the chin up bar for the presidental fittness test, and just dangling even though, I was desperately trying to move some how. That is an excerise this chick is really bad at, and I can't imagine being good at it but i would like to be.
I am super tired. My little one hasnt been sleeping, after a full body strength training session, I typically feel like applesauce with a good nights sleep, yeah I am not getting that much. I am cranky, I feel sluggish. i AM not even typing well, i am slurring my writing for godsake. Will I stop? no. thats for sissies. Maybe an extra rest if i still feel bad tomorrow, but i will keep on going because i still have legs.

Runners lube and Gu

I am so much excited about the runners lube! i put it on my bandaid and on my sock on the outside inside my shoe and my foot didn't get irritated until the last lap. (um yeah the 5TH MILE BABY). Definately a must for me since I seem predisposed to blisters no matter what I do. The last shoes I was running in blistered on that foot for a month. Then when I got in the shower, those blister bandaids sometimes don't want to let go and ripped my ankle open again. yoi.
Then to the Gu. I tried blueberry gu roctaine. Um it was so nasty I had to do a dance around my kitchen and drink water and chew gum too. That stuff tastes wrong on so many levels. I was able to make an extra lap but I did a lot of walking. It was 90 degrees and like 99% humid but i felt wiped and i was getting side stiches more than normally. So GU roctaine gets a thumbs down from me, especially the poop taste. I have another plain gu I will by trying soon, but I will have to pysch myself up for it, maybe i'll get my husband and kids to chant chug it frat boy style so I do it.

Internet woes and runners lube

So I've haven't been on here lately cause comcast isn't really worth the money these days. It never works (my connection) when i have time to blog. The good new is, no i haven't missed a run.
My ongoing whine about the blisters is still happening. I had it all healed, and then i opened it up again, it was enormus and affected my walking for a day the pressure was awesome. Then Its closed almost a giant scab. It kinda looks like a bedsore....its really sexy lets put it that way. So last night I went to the local sporting goods store bought a couple antifriction creams/balms and I will be trialing them once I can run without a bandaid, and even before that on my good heel. I hope I didn't just pay a whole bunch for fancy vaseline.
My largeness has been on my mind lately, with all this running, my body is changing but I am not really loosing wieght all that fast, maybe a plateau but starting to get discouraged a little.

owwwie

So I didn't feel much like running lastnight, I was really sore from doing squats with tracy but I went anyways cause I just really am stupid I guess. At one point I had to walk an entire mile to get the pain to ease up. I didn't count my laps but I think I may have done an extra once I loosened up it was beautiful not humid almost chilly. For a small time I felt really good. When I came home, my beef heel is was bloody-awesome.
Now this morning, oh my god, I must have lactic acid buildup in my thighs. It hurts really bad to sit and to return to a stand. I have to hold the walls to get on the toilet and by the time I get sitting I can't pee because I tense up. I need a major break. No nothing tonight, no strength training, no running, just trying to survive my boys today.
Stupid is as Stupid does

doofus

Um okay went to the store to try to help blisters. Bought a "blister treatment" type bandage. Did NOT read directions. Ran with it on, took it off afterwards. Ripped off my whole blister, its raw meat now. A couple days later, read the directions, its not meant to be taken off til it falls of or is soaked off. What a dillhole..... Tonight I run with hamburger friction in my right heel-awesome...
song suggestion: Looser-Beck

UH! Thats what!

Last night my latest experiment, I tried a gatorade prime before a run, lord its nasty tasting. BUT worth it! I ran 4 miles with out stopping on a treadmil at the gym. It was actually fun, I was just thinking to myself, wow look at me go. Definately good for the whole pysche thing.
The blister, its angry the entire back of my heel is gone and open. It doesn't hurt right now cause its bandaged with no shoes on but I have a date with my trainer tonight. yippie skippie. I think I am going to wear the nonmagic shoes and just bike it after trainer time, i gotta do 4 again tomorrow!
I really really recomend sweatybands headbands, its nasty how much they hold. Just wish I didn't look like minnie mouse.
Ipod suggestion: I will not bow-breaking benjamin

Blister in the sun

No this isn't an entry about a Violent Femmes song, I just couldn't figure out a better title with BLISTER in it.
Yoi. My right heel has got a biggie on it. I am running every other day to try to heal the rawness but its getting bigger every time I run. Its not the magic shoes fault. If I just run in the right socks and not walk, its fine, its when I walk I feel the issue. Hopefully my heel with scar up soon, so I don't have to worry about it. haha. yeah right. Other than Blista Blista running is going pretty damn smooth right now, just about to 4 miles a time. Also learning how to listen to my body, after a day on my feet, running in hot humidity, I need to make sure I eat enough. I was really feel depleted yesterday. I still had fun though, infact when i was leaving I saw a turtle crossing the track (silver dollar size) it was dark kinda looked like a rock on the black top, I saved its life with my sunglasses by catapulting it into the grass. I heard those things can give you salmonella I wasn't touching it. Of course the only other person for miles saw me being a dork and gave me a raised eyebrow. That turtle loves me dude I don't care what you think... ha.
Run Song suggestion: Head for the Baracade- Limp Bizkit

who is this girl

I know I said I only can run in the gym.... well now I really don't want to go run indoors if its nice. I feel really different in my new magic shoes and I really enjoy the sunshine and um bugs flying in my face.
Tuesday night after my awesome run, I got in my truck wiped several times with my purple smelly towel drank the rest of my water, and drove home. I stopped my truck in the driveway, I turned it off and looked down to take off my seatbelt, there was a fricken slug on my shirt dead center in between my boobs! Naturally I screamed, freaked, almost forgot to put on the brake ran in the house, holding my shirt away from myself to find ryan. Ryan of course thinks this is hilarious and takes it off of me and then procedes to taunt me with it....Not much a nature girl here.
I don't know what happened but I am just enjoying running on the track, ok maybe I do know what it is.... Last year I started out at that trail walking and like I said before I could barely get around once just walking now I am slow but I am running. Poof. Instant motivation, right now its working. Maybe its a good thing to take some time out of the gym breath different air, stop staring at the "gun show" boys and just fly(figuratively speaking).
Hope its not raining tonight or I will be forced to hit the gym. It probably will since I am saying how much I am enjoying the change....

New shoes!

So after fearing my running was going to kill me I started asking questions. Thanks to my sister in law and my new running book by Dagny Scott Barous(spelled prob wrong) I went to the nearest running store to get fitted from new shoes.
Turns out I was running in really old worn out shoes that never fit in the first place. I felt really large in that store, everything is for serious runners. The staff a young man in college, also a serious runner, was super nice and evaluated my stride. I overpronate. duh, thus shinsplints. So i brought home my lovely shoes and friday morning took my first run in them-magic! No pain! turns out shoes are everything in this sport and um I thought for some reasons the ones I had were fine. So glad i asked before i really hurt myself.
Last night my run was 3.75 miles! In 90 degree heat. Watch out 10k I'm coming for you.

Turns out New shoes of any type will cheer up a woman.....

Just walk it off....

Oh boy there we go. tonight, I ran crappy outdoors again. Stupid girl....I should know by now that I can only handle non-treadmil runs once a week at most by now with my chubby butt. My shins HURT. I couldn't even finish my last mile, I had to limp a shortcut at the track to my truck. I had ryan meet me on the porch and cover my legs in ice.
Ryan really is good about all this exercise stuff. He doesn't do as much as me but he is always making sure I get to go and do. And he's always there to patch me up, or bring me water and an aleve. I feel really bad sometimes about that. He's so good about all that, I have to remember to be nicer.
I did order a book on running, its by a dude but its for women runners about everything. Its even got a chapter how to be injury free. I'll be reading that in all my spare moments you better believe it.
As far as a race, I have no clue at this point. I think I am going to have to hit the eliptical this week or 2 until i feel better, its not as fun as running to me, but I still have 50 bigones to loose. Still formulating a plan for my next race, at this point i think it would be a good way to celebrate the next 20lbs. i dunno
Mentally I am really feeling drained, kindof like when my kid is frustrated when his toys die because they need batterys. He just wants to keep playing and he doesn't care about the solution, just that fun is over for now.
trying to stay positive, looking up treatment tips for shin splints tonight....

Any love comes with pain...right?

Warning I am in a bad mood: If you don't like swears don't read on today.
So trying a 3 mile run in 80 degree heat, the night after you had 3 glasses of wine, and along with pms is NOT going to yield and decent running. I am hurting, and I feel like a slow fatty fat fat. I have been dragging since my birthday. Feeling just tired in general, and wornout. The Big 30 challenge kicked my butt.
I really wanted to run the 3 mile tonight, I had to walk more than I would like. Some times I want to say piss on this crap, it hurts and I am not good at it. I feel like maybe I should get a hobby where I just slam in to a wall over and over and it would probably feel the same. I don't know what I am thinking sometimes. I definately don't belong in a pack of stone cold runners. My legs are stubby, my feet are huge like flippers and we don't even need to talk about my sparetire belly. I guess thats why I do it though, I don't fit in, and anyone who thinks I can't make it can get the finger cause I always make it, eventually. I really need to thank god for my legs, and the ability to try to run. I see so many others at work that don''t have that, they make me work harder and they make me grateful.
Goals this week:
Pick another race to look forward to, buy a book about running.
wow I guess I didn't swear enough for the disclamer, sorry here you go: damn it, shit, piss, ass, asshat, turds, bastards.

race results

I was 79th of 130ppl. With a time of 37.10. I am definatley doing this again soon. I could have done waaaay better had I peed. Dude I wrote 29 on my race form, they put me at 24 so I ran in their catergory! I was 5th in my age group if you count it right.

I am done being technical about that, I totally could have done better, I will next time. I am going to research another 5k for the summer this week. it shall be up soon.....

The big 30 challenge--RESULT

WHAAAAAT? yup 198.6. I did it. I don't believe it.
Its been years since I have had a 1 in front of my wieght! Craziness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in shock. shockyshockshock.
I have to go get ready for work but I had to tell you first!
Its going to be a great day even if its crazy!
whodat?!

I did it.

So I finished my first race and I really learned a lot.
Lesson 1: pee first. Its not just nervousness, you should pee. I ran the whole stinking 5k with a full bladder.
Lesson 2: pick tight clothing. I had pants that kept falling down. They were tight pants too but when running they will fall down.
Lession 3: Focus is important. I kept looking around, forgetting to breathe.
I had fun though met some cool new people. Ryan and Miles were at the finish, but I ran right past them, they were looking down. I haven't looked up my time yet its not up on the website last time I checked but it was right around 37 min. Just think if I peed first, even faster.
so since my boys didn't get to see me finish a race, i will be doing another one this summer.
wiegh in is tomorrow. we'll see if i met the 30 goal......
win loose or draw i did all i could....

SOOOOO CLOSE

I am going to turn 30 sunday. When I do its going to be another day. The sun will rise and set as it always does. Why do I feel soooo bad? Its just a number right? not to me. Its a kick in the nuts. I am seriously in danger of being one of those chicks that lies about it. When did I stop being young? I know I am not anymore(probably when i got preggers) but I can't pinpoint exactly when i started going out in public looking scarry and not caring. And probably longer since the opposite sex even turned up an eyebrow. Damn thats rough. So I am feeling probably more depressed than I should as you read on. My shoes are filling with cement.
I have been in a major holding patter with my weight this week, probably because I have been running too much. Last night when I got home I was really hurting bad. I was even a little teary. Felt stupid for starting this page, for trying to run, and for giving myself a weight loss deadline. Cause I am stuck at 201.4. Well I was. 200.1 Its sooooo close. I have to remember to eat today, cause i don't want to eat at all now. but i will gain if i don't eat. Definatley no extra anything though, its go time. I only have til sunday morning. I don't know if I will, do I think I can, not really. But I am not giving up til its time to sing. (get it cause i'm the fat laday). I am going to give it all my all and it is what it is sunday morning. Then I will want some cake. Not a big piece, but I deserve something of the chocolate persuasion for these shinanigans.
come sunday, I hope my hard work is enough for me to feel okay to get out of bed reguardless of the scale.
Saturday race: This is for all the people that think I can't do it. Especially me.

I'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready

Tomorrow night is my last run before the race. I can do this. I am really excited, and nervous. I keep typing that over and over. So I looked up The Great Race in pittsburgh, its the end of sept every year and its 10k or 5k. I am going to do 10k but not this year, next year. And get this, there is a "heavy weight" competition if i weigh over 140lbs, i am eligible to win over the 'fat' people. Dude- if I weighed 141 I would run the race in a bikini. There defintion of fat is f'ed up. I still want to run that race though. I wonder if they have an morbidly obese competition, lol. I could do that now... just saying I could smoke people my same weight righ now. I am the lightning of fattness.

song suggestion for your playlist- BOB outkast, good for running

woot.

Tonight I had an awesome run. 3.10miles in 36 min, after my half hour with Tracy the professional buttkicker. I am getting focused to race. I am nooooot a contender to win, oh hahahaha hell no. But I will be able to do it if I can just remember to breathe. I also went and drove the course I will be running saturday. If I am correct, nice run. If I am wrong there will be more hills than I thought.
I am so glad I read running tips online last week, I am icing my legs when I am done and its really helping the serious pain I am getting in my shins. I know what that is.....grrrrr. I don't care. If I run on the treadmils at the gym I dont feel it as much. If I ran once a week this probably wouldn't be an issue. Just think by this time next year< when I drop another fifty pounds, 10k will be attainable.
My dad told me today when I was 5 he ran the great race in pittsburgh. Its 10k, this might be worth investigating. I would love to run the same race 25 years later, but I don't even know if they have them anymore.
I will post pictures of the road kill saturday(me).

what am i doing!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Deep breaths manda, don't panic. I am going to try to run in the heat and fricken pollen in front of the entire world. I told my family, friends, and coworkers. I am wacked in the head....what i am I thinking?
Doubt is starting to set in. Holy crap I am running a 5k in like 6 friggin days. I can do this, but I am no rockstar runner, I will be dogging it, and I will have to take a break and walk too, cause lets face it I have 60 pounds of cement stuffed down my fat suit.
Am I excited. Of course I am, but superwoman called and she wants her cape back. So its just manda running saturday, or maybe we could call it really fast walking, slow running, hopping limp running....Oh lord I am scared.
Take notice I said it here first I am NOT relaxed.

Don't worry I'll be there rain, shine, or diahrrea. Its personal now.

its so wierd

I have had lots of times in the last year, looking back where I have been really frustrated and pissed off at myself and the world. What started my revolution was the day we got word from our insurance company after our physicals for life coverage that my policy would cost twice as much as ryans because of my weight. Not only being the case, the dick insurance guy didn't have the stones to call me and tell me that, he called Ryan, my husband and he had to tell me. That was really hard for Ryan to do. I had to go sign and adendum to the policy with the stipulation of the extra cost (double) until i lost some weight. ouch. I didn't want to let the man know it bothered me, so i thought well i'll laugh it off, i went i signed, then I stole his pen... I am no longer a victim of myself anymore from then on.
I am not sure if it was later that night or later that week> I was walking and trying to jogg from telephone poll to poll out there in the humidity sweating sticks of butter and some damn kids in a convertible (probably daddy's) started yelling fat remarks at me. It hurt. Then they turned around and came back past me again. Once wasn't enough. I really wanted to call the cops or flip them off or something then I saw their faces. They were babies. They had no idea what life does to some people. So I just went home. I cried in the road. I stopped running. when Ryan saw me, he knew something was wrong. I told him, I don't think I told many other people maybe my mom maybe not it was just too hard to say. I felt like giving up. Ryan my wonderful husband that he is, said you go back same time tomorrow. F them. He made me a new playlist for my mp3 player. There was an "f bomb" in just about every song. Angry rock, speed metal, gangster rap, hours of it. I don't know where I get off thinking I deserve him sometimes. It made me feel better, it kept me focused. I still have most of those songs on my player now a year later.

The first blog of many

Welcome to the blog that probably nobody will read. I have started A long, tough road about a year ago. I weighed 298 the day I delievered my son. I started really excercising and dieting june 2009. Now its memorial day weekend 2010. I weigh honestly 201.4. I have lost a lot, a lot of inches last time we checked about a month ago it was over 60 inches. I saw a dietician when I plateaued this winter and she gave me an ideal wt of 155.
I get to the gym at night when my kids are either asleep or daddy is home to watch them. I work every weekend to eliminate daycare cost, my kids are 1 and 3, and to be with them as much as I can. So usually I can't get to the gym on weekends, but I sometimes run on saturdays.
This year has been hard, filled with obstacles. Mostly from myself feeling insecure, inept, large, you name it. I am now more than half way and I know I can do it.
My short term goal: weigh 198 by june 6th my 30th birthday. also running my first 5k the day before.
My long term goal: reach 155 and run a 10k
my dream: run a marathon and finish alive!
Why running? being so large, fearing the end of my youth, I have come to realize I couln't do it. I don't like to be told not to do anything. While walking the track with the runners I wanted to keep up so bad, and couldn't. My soul wants to run. And I want to do something that seems out of reach that really all I have to do is overcome me. So I will run. I will continue to work out. I will get there.
little warning...I get easily annoyed at stupidity and will bitch frequently. I swear also. very sarcastic sometimes to cover up my insecurity too.