I have had lots of times in the last year, looking back where I have been really frustrated and pissed off at myself and the world. What started my revolution was the day we got word from our insurance company after our physicals for life coverage that my policy would cost twice as much as ryans because of my weight. Not only being the case, the dick insurance guy didn't have the stones to call me and tell me that, he called Ryan, my husband and he had to tell me. That was really hard for Ryan to do. I had to go sign and adendum to the policy with the stipulation of the extra cost (double) until i lost some weight. ouch. I didn't want to let the man know it bothered me, so i thought well i'll laugh it off, i went i signed, then I stole his pen... I am no longer a victim of myself anymore from then on.
I am not sure if it was later that night or later that week> I was walking and trying to jogg from telephone poll to poll out there in the humidity sweating sticks of butter and some damn kids in a convertible (probably daddy's) started yelling fat remarks at me. It hurt. Then they turned around and came back past me again. Once wasn't enough. I really wanted to call the cops or flip them off or something then I saw their faces. They were babies. They had no idea what life does to some people. So I just went home. I cried in the road. I stopped running. when Ryan saw me, he knew something was wrong. I told him, I don't think I told many other people maybe my mom maybe not it was just too hard to say. I felt like giving up. Ryan my wonderful husband that he is, said you go back same time tomorrow. F them. He made me a new playlist for my mp3 player. There was an "f bomb" in just about every song. Angry rock, speed metal, gangster rap, hours of it. I don't know where I get off thinking I deserve him sometimes. It made me feel better, it kept me focused. I still have most of those songs on my player now a year later.
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