Any reason to wear a tutu is a good reason

So this is my Bee Girl costume. I went to a party saturday night and I couldn't think of a better costume. It was cold out there. Truthfully I was just itching for a reason to wear this tutu just to be a goof ball. I only stayed out for a couple hours, I had to work.
On the way to pick up the boys at a friends house I stopped at a gas station to use the ATM. Well there just has to be a group of teenage boys at every gas station in front of the door at 9:00pm, and so this place was of course compliant. I just said to myself, 'the show must go on', and stood up as straight as I could make myself. I had a coat on and just my costume. I had to walk past the mob of boys to get back to my minivan. I looked ahead and kept moving. After I past I heard whistles and very inappropriate comments(I can't repeat). I didn't turn around, but I did start to laugh a little. What I didn't hear was, laughing or 'yeah right' or barfing noises. Can I tell you it made my year? They actually meant it! Some little punks harrassed me, and I was flattered. Really how many times do you walk your 31 year old ass out of a minivan in a tutu and underarmor shorties and get that reaction? This mom of 2, driving her horrid minivan, for once wasn't invisible to the opposite sex.
The tutu stays in my closet, never know when I might break it out again!
 

Blind Melon, No Rain
http://youtu.be/3qVPNONdF58

Hoorah

Well I was out in the foggy dark cold this morning running! I do have to say its officially Underarmor cold gear season again, yay! I love wearing my black suck- in suit! I like being outside, sadly with daylight savings I'll only be outdoors on weekend days when I can go while its safe. I went before sunrise today and I was alone at the track. It was so foggy and dark I didn't want to get out of the truck. About a mile in, a bunny running across the track, almost made me shat myself, all I could see was the while tail. I also left my tunes off because of the darkness. Still not a complaint from me I was happy to be back at it. I'll just be playing it safe either in my basement or on the gym mill until it gets light early again, and weekends will be my outdoor run time. I can't wait to get out to the track in the snow with my ice cleats! It really is my favorite.
No problems with my feet today or my legs. I was a little extra sore from the arms/back/abs at the gym and after the run I got stuck in my bra and hubbs had to help me.  It was pretty pathetic and funny, I looked I was in a wrestlers hold. I spent most of the day yesterday groaning when I had to bed over or pick up my arms for any reason. I guess that's what they mean when they say they are going to the gym to get "ripped" yeah I feel like I ripped something alright. HA!
Well yay for running! Bring on the winter!

Eminem, Cinderella Man.

A very bad girl.

I was in a horrible mood last night, I skipped my gym plans after a series of crappy events ended with a headache and going to bed early. Today I went to the gym with plans of taking a class, got there with the kid and realized class was in session already oh well, hit the gym. Decided the captin's chair would be something good for me to be doing/trying to do, at this time. Really trying to push myself I didn't get many reps on that thing at all. I did some strength training for a half an hour and then decided I was weak and pitiful and planned on a peaceful walk on the treadmill. Really not thinking about it, and not wearing the right anything for it I began to run. Everything from the last couple weeks started to release. I walked for a bit and then decided oh well nothing's hurting so I'll keep going. I know I'm busted at day 28, but I am better and I was careful not to go too fast. It felt so good to sweat, get tired, and see I'm not still broke. It wasn't anything fantastic but I really a lot better. Friday morning I am getting up and preparing for it.

I'm happy that's all. Things are looking up.

All these things I hate, Bullet for my Valentine

Rest Fatigue

So I've been resting like a good girl. I ordered new shoes and when they get here I wont make any promises. I feel better, except for wanting to jump out of my skin! The feelings of anxiety I used to have all the time are easily managed with running, so you can bet I've been not myself. Hubbs I'm sorry I am not much to live with now, it's almost over. Nothings as good as when you could be running, food doesn't even taste as good, I'm probably a bit depressed. So I ordered shoes, when they get here I'm gone, I got crappy shipping so I am probably going to end up waiting all week but I've been watching the door.
Today I did some unfinished correspondence. I promised my doc a year ago I would send him a finishers picture of The Great Race, well, my goal of a 10k turned into a full marathon, but I did promise a picture. I've had it for weeks its not the most flattering shot, and um its kinda silly to mail that to your doctor so I've been looking at the envelope forever. I finally sent it with a note thanking him for his help and asking him to dispose of the picture by burning it. I could have gotten away with not mailing it he sees people all the time tons of them and it was forever ago, but he deserves a thank you for being an awesome doctor and listening when this girl needed help. I also mailed a picture to the doctor that operated on my feet years ago for Plantar Fasciitis, he is in Maryland. I just thought it would be nice to know that the procedure I had really did help me get over it and that running a marathon with NO P.F. pain really is freaking amazing, I used to have a hard time just getting through a shift at work because of foot pain. As a nurse, I appreciate being thanked once in a while, even though it requires none. Its nice to see you touched someone's life and to see how things turned out. It wasn't easy to share though, I don't like calling attention to myself like that!
Thanks for commenting about the tummy tuck, I am still not sure about what I should do so I am just putting it out of my head for a few weeks and God will give me an answer. 

Trying to chill song:
And the Birds Sing, Tyrone Wells

Will I or Won't I?

I have been thinking about the tummy tuck a lot this week. Yes it's exciting that I am to the point where I could undergo a transformation and probably turn out liking what I see, but it doesn't seem that simple.After talking with a few family members and friends, I'm not 100% sure anymore I am willing.

My biggest negative factor is risk to my health- its a 4 hour surgery. I have small children that could be left motherless and really nothing is worth loosing the two best things that ever happened to me.Yeah I know I am healthy now, but nobody is guaranteed time on this earth.

The biggest positive is that I wouldn't have to worry about my biggest flaw anymore. Trust me I hate it enough the pain seems like a worthy price. Its really embarrassing for me, I wear a girdle almost all the time, and I still look ridiculous. 

At this point I am at an impass. I will wait to see what the insurance company has to say. What I would like is to hear your thoughts. Do you think I should or not? Why or why not? I could use some feedback, if you don't want to comment shoot me an email or a text.

Counting Crows, Omaha

Answers to burning questions

So today was my appointment with the plastic surgeon. I was there inquiring about a tummy tuck, aka abdominoplasty/panniculectomy, aka fbchop.
I should share my feelings/fears surrounding this appointment before I tell you what happened. I was afraid I would have been told that I was still too fat, and that I just wasn't working hard enough. I was terrified of standing in front of a stranger naked. I thought it was something I couldn't afford even if I went for the consultation. I was tired of just wondering if someone could help me.
So when I got there, everyone was super nice. They show me to the room and tell me put on this diposable set string panties- on size fits all(most), and a robe. They were high tech I watched a movie about the surgery before anyone came in and saw me, then a PA interviewed me and examined me. She tells me that I do have some separation in my muscles, as I had suspected. Then the PA takes me into a very cold room and takes my pictures, damn near naked with my head cropped out of the frame. Back in the exam room the doc comes in and sits in a chair and motions me over takes my robe and really examines my skin flap. She looks under and sees the rash, that I always have. Has me step back and turn around. She says "You have a nice shape, and your pretty thin everywhere else. I do think you will continue to loose weight after this, but you are a canidate for the surgery." She went on to tell me that the skin will never go back the way it was on its own after examining the amount of strechmarks I have. At this point she goes on about pros and cons and risks, the procedure day the recovery. After he doctor left her another lady came to talk about the price, and then my appointment was over.
May I say this appointment took balls. I don't like nudity for the reason of my deformity, and going somewhere and removing my girdle even if they are professionals (not one but 3 people and pictures)for that reason it wasn't an easy share.
I thought the price would be roughly 3 times that much than they actually want, so I was pleasantly suprised. Its not going to be cheap, but we are considering it very seriously now. There are several factors besides price. That's 6 weeks off running. 2 weeks absolutely nothing and will need lots of help with the kids. I will have to pull those things together. Also the risk, I'm scared. I don't want to be taken away from my boys because of a procedure I chose to do, I am praying about this. Also about a month off of work.
Its a lot to think about. I am pleased to say that its possible. My reasons: I am processing my thoughts about this, and will share as I nail them all down. I will hear in about 3-4 weeks if my insurance is kicking in some help with the cost because there is a medical reason for it, at that point I hope that I will arrived at a descion and have a plan.

At this time I am feeling pretty good about it.
Counting Crows, RainKing

Big race = Big rest

I am on like day 9 or 10 now. That means I am mentally crippled and sad. I was recounting my self pity to my hubbs last night and I realized I haven't taken more than 10 days off straight in a year and a half from running, before that I was walking every night for 6 months and working out at  a gym. So needless to say I feel lost.
I know this is all part of the process, also a test of endurance.

I don't really have a song in my heart today, so no suggestions, sorry.

Day 5

So I have not run in 5 days. It has been a long 5 days. I have another 25 to go. The last 2 days I felt pretty good walking around with my shoes on, actually started to feel stupid for saying I had a bad injury. Well today I am whistling a different tune. It still hurts. I am not over doing it, I'm not running just doing my regular stuff I have to do. I'll be sitting still and it hurts, or I could feel it walking around, just standing. It's still good and Kaka-ed up. My ankle in that region isn't spectacular either. I think I will need a few weeks to start feeling like nothing happened in my normal life.
The pain I am feeling is a good thing at this point, it is keeping me compliant with my doctor. I don't feel like being an idiot right now. I am however, a little bummed. Its normal to get a little sad after a big race and now an injury when you live off endorphins. I am not eating my feelings I am just being a grumpy bitch. I have actually lost 3 pounds so far. I am getting to things in my house that needed done little by little, plus a little extra like washing walls, organizing, and junk drawers rolling change.
So to recap, still resting, not happy about it. If anyone needs to fire someone, tell them off, take back your lunch money, and so forth I'm your girl.

Badfish, Sublime

Grateful

Well saw Dr. C again today. It's kinda silly that you can call your ortho and get right in because you have been there in the the last couple of months! But, also awesome, I have already been seen! He looked at my films and disagrees with the previous opinion. Not a stress fracture, more like a bone bruise.
I explained that I am only 15 days post marathon, that my leg hasn't felt right since.
He pretty much stopped me right there and said that I beat myself up and the best thing I could do was rest no matter what it was. He told me to rest a month, then if pain continues to come back and he'll get me a bone scan. I was totally in favor of what he had to say. I can still do my job once I can get shoes on again- mama needs to buy chicken nuggets for her rugrats, thank god. Before he shut the door he smiled at me and said "congratulations".
So I go back to work this weekend. As for exercising he did tell me to take it easy. I won't be doing any impact anything. This week I don't feel good enough to really do anything. Next week if I feel better maybe I could just do some yoga or something. I won't continue to hurt myself, I know I will end up back there again. I will have to do something for exercise even if its just one legged push ups or sit ups and things like that, I don't want to start feeling depressed.
As for diet I am officially in Gestapo mode. I am not eating more than my portion and I am not eating anything I can't burn off sitting around doing my normal thing. I am not gaining an ounce- I FLAT OUT REFUSE.
I am a little frustrated, but I very thankful for my 9 lives type luck. Really we all know I weigh a lot and its not a heavy person sport, getting hurt even for small people is inevitable. I feel relieved to not have a worse injury and that my stubbornassiness didn't affect my family(income/mechanics). I really do have to say I am truly blessed, and will listen to those saner than myself this time(for 30 whole days).

Mr. Roboto, Styx
(don't laugh its a good song!)

CRACK!

Well today I ran exactly 1 mile and 1 step. And then crack, pain to the brain. I stop, adjust my shoelaces, take a step- ouch. I stop again, and loosen the shoes a little, and take another step- OUCH. So I bend down a third time and untie my shoe make it completely loose and limp to the truck.
I go home I've only been gone less than 20 minutes everyone is asleep including the dogs. I leave the lights out, get ice from the freezer and sit on the floor in my room, in the dark icing my foot listening to Hubbs snore. Eventually a child gets up, finds me and wakes Hubbs. I am very calmly say " I broke something, I have to get an x-ray". No tears. I knew it wasn't good but I was and still am strangely okay with it.
I went to an urgent care nearby, I knew by expereince they have an xray machine there, since I was there in april. (cheaper copays!) I walked in, got an x-ray. The tech taking my films politely stated " you said you were running this morning. It's freezing out there!" I dryly replied, "yeah I was, that stuff doesn't matter to me". P.A. came into the room and told me I have a stress fracture and she used the phrase "little bone chip". I was awarded crutches and a sexy ortho shoe. I will be calling Dr. C. one monday- my ortho. Until then I was told to stay off it and not work until he said so. Still no tears.

Remember how I talked about my right leg during the marathon? Also how it's not been right since? That's the leg. Its the back of my right foot near my ankle.
I have not cried at all about this. I am sort of in a sick way proud of it. It is in no way debilitating. I almost considering it a marathon parting gift. (go for broke remember? well I'm broke.) I will be running again. It may be difficult to handle life of course if the doctor keeps me from walking on it, but I seriously doubt he will. I am not even in that much pain. So for this weekend, I am taking it easy and I am for once NOT WORRIED. I was blessed to complete my marathon and realize my dream, and now it's time for a rest. I'll update as I find out what's going on.

No worries.
Peaceful Easy Feeling, The Eagles.