The mighty mob

Today was 20. I am showered now, I am definately feeling the burn but I am okay. I keep busting into tears every few minutes or so. I really had an awesome frame of mind today and I want to share it before it goes away. So forgive if grammar isn't perfect i am a little woosy, but if I don't write now it will leave my brain. So here goes as I chew my lasagne over my keyboard.

I was super prepared today. I bought a Nathan fuel belt with 2 bottles on it. (I fear water stops will close before I get done) I said I would never wear one, yeah I have one, its nice, doesn't chafe as much as the other one does. Because I had 2 10oz bottles on my back I took a detour for my usually boring long day. I ran from one end of the park to the other after 8 or so on the track, that's about a 5 mile detour. I did have to change shoes at 7.7 ryan dropped the old pair on the way to work, aging or not the ones I bought yesterday were murdering my feet. I put them on said good by to my hubbs and off I went down the road. It was gorgeous weather, the leaves are starting to fall a little, a perfect breeze.

When I run through the park there are some wishy washy surfaces and hills- it aggrivated some things like my IT bands, well they didn't hurt until 16 or so. As I ran past the lake I ran down on the gravely path that Sally took my picture for the paper on, I haven't been down there since then. It's too rocky infact I may have twisted my ankle but maybe not, I decided not to turn and go back that way I would stick to the road. My heart was there though, I was giving Sal a little fist pump. As I crossed by the play ground and back onto the road, I thought of the Four Mile Running Group and smiled. Back down towards the track the sun peaking through the trees, just perfect. Guy cutting grass, same guy from the super hot day gives me a wave, I smile and think wow its been a while. I let go of some things in my big old head that were bothering me for a while, and just let my mind go and roll around like marble, that's why I love distance running. I got back to the track at that point starting to feel a little tired. I am looking around for a focal point and I catch the back of this short little woman kinda swinging out her hips, her hair is done, I bet she goes to get it done, she reminds me of someone. Oh she reminds me of Judy. Its been a while since I had seen her, thinking oh yeah its been exactly one year since her viewing, because I was late to preschool orientation, which is tonight because I was there. I loved Judy, I cried at her viewing. I thought of her, maybe I stayed behind that lady too long but maybe Judy was there. The I passed the tree, I know its there I run past it all the time, it bares a  name of a distant relative  who died of an awful disease also Dave, so I put him in my heart too. I look at my Garmin, 16. I start thinking of all the people that could never or can't anymore run with me. In my imagination they are popping up behind me. Judy, then Dave, then Nanny, and Pappap, Grandma and Grampap, Uncle Donny, Uncle John,the nice guy at Monacrest that had MS I can't remember his name, but he never stopped smiling and he always tried so hard. Pretty soon I felt pushed by them. People who are still with me, My beautiful kids, my hubby, my parents, my brother, my awesome running friends, my blog readers.... all with me. We were all running together, you all behind me in a mighty mob. It was beautiful and I literally cried as I ran the last 2. It was like having a dream, an it was awesome.

Now we start the taper.

You get 2 songs that made me cry: Enemiem, Till I Collapse, and Jars of Clay, Its Out of My Hands.

Sneakypeak

I run 20 tomorrow. I am excited. My tummy troubles are resolving after much needed intervention, I am down said pounds. Going to bravely go to the gym and jump the eliptical, or I may just take it to the basement and bike in my nightgown, I may do the ladder....just because I am feeling still a little wishy washy. Haven't decided yet, but I got a lot of errands to do, I am picking up another pair of shoes to wear tomorrow, got to charge up my watch and mp3 player, pack my running belt(fannypack), and I want ALL my housework done before bed, and I want to make lasagne too.

Attached is the template for my racing shirt and my cheerleaders shirts. I spilled the beans at the family party as to what it said so I guess you can see too....I didn't say anything because I was scared it would automatically jinx me. I don't need luck at this point, I am going to just keep praying its a better source of stability don't you think? Whatever happens through all of this is not my call.

Super song: Out Of My Hands, Jars of Clay

The constipated runner.

I went out for a run today it was still dark, I even got to be first on there. My whole entire body protested. It just was not willing to run today. I did, however slow make it 3 before I had to walk a little. My stomach still hurts. Infact if I had a boat oar I would have shoved it down my throat to make myself vomit. SERIOUSLY. That's what it would take because I am not a barfer, if I could make myself puke I would have been a bulimic at one time in my youth, but I guess my anatomy saved me of that. If I puke with the flu, its pretty damn serious. I felt pretty gross last night. I was wondering why, I chalked it up to running around like a fool all weekend and being all carbyed out, while missing a run. 
As I ran I began to remember my last real bummer asthma exacerbation, the pill I take and what it does to me. I don't take it everyday because it does weird stuff to me. I have, to put it delicately, a f-ed up bladder since the boys. When I take that pill to prevent my asthma attacks, well um, I pee my pants.  Running for the most part has actually strengthened it, but somethings will never improve. I do vaguely remember some constipation, but I thought it was because I was at that point taking a break because of illness.

I started thinking about it, I take a lot of medicine right now. Allergy pill, Nsaid-for the ITband, glucosamine and condroition, a centrum women's, asthma pill, a calcium +d, and my nose spray for allergies. Thats all in my belly at once. I think I need to be on all of them, but it does bother me.  If you add all those pills on top of an already constipated stomach you aren't going to be feeling well, defeating the purpose.
I think I am only going to take my asthma pill for my long days for a while, and maybe I'll go down to the drug store for some dynamite...you know, for my colon. I took that pill for 7days in a row, I have put on 5 pounds-it has to all be poo, it feels like its in my throat. I had no idea that it would also cause this but that's the only explanation I have for it. So I will be home for the rest of the day doing laundry and housework because it needs done and eh I won't be able to get 20 feet from a toilet for a while.

Its frustrating to have asthma, I really have been working at all of this and it is my monkey wrench. I will NOT let it stop me. I guess its good I had a lousy run today, more rest for the big day wednesday- the big 20! Don't take anything of this as bitching, just documenting the whole process- brutal honesty!

Song: Rihanna, Disturbia

confession

I missed my saturday run this weekend. My work schedule changed and in the morning there was not a minute to spare. Then I went directly to a family reunion until it was time to go to bed. Then in the morning today same deal super early. I am tired. I feel like I have belly ache, probably from all the yummy pigout food from the party. I feel bad about it but I am couching it tonight and going to bed early, I really don't think any amount of fuel or hydration will pull me up off of my giant ass tonight.
Up at 5 am for a run in the morning.

Looser, Beck

Pimpin just aint easy

So after poking around on Facebook, El suggested I finish my 2.3 miles to make it a 10mile day then I wouldn't be so pissed off at myself. I took the dare. I went in my neighborhood. With my glasses on because my contacts refuse to be in my eyes, with no grease on my feet either because eh its only 2.3 right? I was careful with my lungs. I walked up the hills but I made it. I got attacked by my neighbor's adorable mop doggie at exactly the distance I needed and I stopped. 

I include bloody feet pictures from my very first "2 a day", I don't plan on making these a habit in training. PS. this doesn't hurt, I'm sort of sickly proud of it. hehe.

Song: The Distance, CAKE

Packing it in early

I would just like to say for the record this is my first time I have ever shortened a long day distance because of anything to do with me. I have missed runs for injury and illness but once I am in a run, I don't shorten if it's a long day, well except today. I am pretty disapointed. I KNEW this was coming. Infact I had to take my singular yesterday and I was just running errands with the kids, so why did my dumb ass forget it this morning? Well that's just anybody's guess. The entire run was a long asthma attack, wonderful news, my knees weren't hurting at all but I could barely run so I am not saying all better with that yet. At first pass with my inhaler I realized I was out of juice, I went to the truck around mile 3 and found another to use. It made not a damn bit of difference today. I was raining too. I so wanted to just keeping going and stomp puddles but I cut it short.
I went home wheezing like a damn clarinet(played badly), first order of business to get my nebulizer out of the cabinet. Soaking wet with rain and sweat, shivering and wheezing I fumbled to put the plastic pieces together and put the medicine in. Funny I do it all the time at work but when I need it, my hands don't work right. My mom came around the corner with the kids as I breathe in the medicine leaving out white smoke. I asked her to stick around until it passed, it did eventually loosen, leaving a ringing in my ears. She took the boys with her on some errands and sent me off to do some of mine after my shower.
Not thinking super clearly, that stuff makes me shake all over, I didn't eat a lot before I left. I just figured I would get something as I shopped. I wasn't going to reward myself for this measly peice of shit run. I went to a silk screening place and ordered 12 shirts for my cheering section(its really not that big but that was the minimum), kind of crazy but I was running out of time they won't be ready until the week before the race. As the lady asked me questions I sounded like I wasn't sure of the answer. I felt weird. I even sounded a little stupid, at this point I was confused. As I got to the truck I decide its time to eat something because I am getting dumber by the minute.
I drove back up to our town and decided I would eat Taco Bell, its been forever and its right there. I pull in the drive through and I wait. and I wait. and I wait. Its 10:20am, they weren't open yet. hahahahahahaha. Yeah now I am really lacking glucose for brain function. I drive on up to Walmart and decide to just get my crap that I have to have and then I will eat. Well I got about 3 isles into shopping and I started to really feel quite bad. Oh boy I am thinking, hold on to that cart with both hands or you might fall. Flashes in my head : Over weight woman brought to her knees in local store, or even Local woman ralphs in isle 6. I got everything I could think I had to have and headed for the check out, and there is one lane backed up 6 million carts deep. I am starting to hot flash, oh shit I'm going to faint. I decided to be rude and cross over to the express lane, yes I see you counting my groceries. 25 items go soak your head. Along with the groceries I bought a snickers, with full intention of eating it in the parking lot. I get to the truck, rip open the snickers and take a big man bite. I chew as I place my bags in the truck, as I return the cart I get a funny look from a little girl oh yeah I have a big wad of candy bar in my cheek.
I went home, and ate the rest of the snickers. I am feeling better now. I am going to rest up, the lungs will NOT be making the decision, I will as long as I can remember my medication when I am not feeling well.

Jars Of Clay, Work

Aa- ahh- AA- aCHHHHHO.

It's getting to be fall everybody. Signs are out there. I have been noticing as I stare at the track week after week, leaves are falling little by little, just yellow a little. And this week, my personal favorite, the golden rod is out. Its just getting open and showing a little yellow. Its pretty much all over every out door route I take. I ran indoors yesterday at the gym due to baby logistics. It was a good run, I didn't even have to stop to change a poopy diaper, which at the gym at that time of day it's uncommon. My son must start to miss me and shit just so they'll come and get me and I'll change him. Its actually a running joke, I know the lady is looking for me if she come to the class door way with a smile. I came home feeling okay after running 5 miles, that it really getting to feel like nothing happened.

Now this morning I have sneezed probably 50 times. I am blowing my nose and I think I am going to take my asthma pill because I feel it coming. It may be a cold, but its probably just a sign of the times. I am an allergy babe. The snot rockets really never dissapeared this summer, I just quit bitching about them. The force and volume of course was on a down trend but I have a feeling I am going back to full throttle soon. I really didn't think I could feel more dirty than I already do at this point. You know what I mean, pooping in portapotys, salt mutton chops on my face, acne, armpit rot, man sweat everywhere, wearing a fanny pack. Now we add more phlegm whoopadeeedo!

Honestly I couldn't be having more fun, seriously. I am pretty sure I wasn't dropped on my head early in life either. Bring on the nasty, I guess, and maybe some vitamin C.

Poison, Bell Biv Devoe

Today's run sans words

 Good Life, One Republic

farts and Bengay

You are probably wondering about the title of this one. I'll explain right away. That is what my room smelled like yesterday. It was choking all signs of life. After a long run like that, at the end of the day I start farting pretty much uncontrollably, everything I eat goes through loudly, then ruins the air. I was wearing maximum strength BenGay also, it does not have vanishing scent and there you go. Poor hubbs, last night he probably thought he was in a barn with an arthritic farmer.
About the run, it was all I hoped for, it was possible. I decided to try BenGay pre-run to help with the inital tightness/pain I knew I was in for. It helps! I don't care if I smell everyone out, I got to be comfortable. At the point where I felt really good and I smiled and relaxed I looked at my Garmin, 3.5 miles in. I really did have to stretch every mile, I am trying to be patient rehabbing this. Every 3 miles I changed direction, and in the turns I leaned out(goofy looking but kept the IT Bands loose).
Its frustrating at the track I do these runs at, the oldsters can be weird sometimes. Sometimes they are nice smile and get out of the way as I stay to the right, just like cars would. Some of them walk in the "fast people" lane and won't move. I mean really there is someone charging right at you and they see you and don't give. I ended up in the grass a few times, I'm flexible, whatever. (there are no directional signs at the track)With that being said some of the oldsters, super cute, 2 older ladies wearing dresses out for a walk with tootsie pops(9 am), they were smiling and laughing-truly teenagers at heart, and my favorite old man when I looked up to wave blew me another kiss, I love those people. I am cheering for some of them too, I can tell they are in pain, swinging out on a good hip and they just keeping walking, It's something I have come to appreciate. I really do love the oldsters.
As I loosened up and settled down I started enjoying my tunes, singing along, air boxing, acting crazy as hell because it makes me feel free and I am going to enjoy it whether you are watching or not. 
At Mile 11.5 I saw hubbs, he came by on his way to work to take my picture. I have to say it was nice to see him. I had to keep going so I did. Around 14 I had to pause Garmin and um, grow a tail. At that point I don't think I pulled up my pants right and my underarmor unders where a little rolled up in the back, I am sure those holes in my tail bone are from the rectangular tag on the outside of the shorts. I didn't feel that until the ice bath and shower, oh but I felt it then. OUCH. At 14 also I started to feel the same pulling on my good knee, not as severe but I could tell what that was. I stopped at the truck and put some bengay on that knee too and kept going. I have GOT to find a travel size for my race belt! Fantastic idea! At mile 17 I was tired. I stopped to walk at 17.35, scanning my mp3 player for something, the next song I pick it's Keri Hilson, Pretty Girl Rock, I actually stammered out loud "let's go Keri", at the end you really don't care if you look like a psycho, and you really don't know. I stretch after I was done, I had a hard time lifting my leg to the picnic table to stretch out my hamstrings, I almost lost my balance like a drunk lady. I went to the truck and just sat there for like 20 minutes while I texted my support group that I was ok, drank some water and ate a protein bar until I felt ready to drive like 2 miles to my house.
I greased my bra area but I guess it wasn't thick enough especially with all the strecting I did I got a nice burn under my boobs, I wish I was flat chested so I didn't have to wear a bra. But I totally have too, I don't get the mail with out tieing off the sisters.  So that's super fun.
I type all of this sitting on an ice pack because my left ass/hip area is sore, I am sick in the head because I love all of it. I was so thankful to be able to complete 18. To still be training, it's great. Its a great pain too, I am getting a massage tomorrow I really hope Nathan(my therapist) brings his A game because I am all knotted up. I have seen him twice now and he hurts me and then I feel better. I will be on the foam roller pretty much as long as I can stand it.  That stuff keeps me in the game, but that's the not so fun part. But so worth it all!
I still can't believe all of this. Don't even think for a second I forgot this is God's hand on me, I know it for sure.

Ruby Soho, Rancid
( I totally confess to run dancing to this)

Picture show

Enclosed are 4 pictures. One Of my Sternum where my bra rubs, one from my tailbone(edited for your protection-no no too sexy!), and one hubbs took of me passed out, I had no Idea my dog does that! And of course one of the feet, straight from the Ice bath, after all the ice melted.

In my feet you could actually read, "moving comfort" but this is from my p.o.s. phone, poor quality.

Outkast, Hey-Ya
(shake like a Polaroid picture)

18 behind me

Today was just what I was hoping for. Well I am not as fast as I was. So I am even slower, so what? I wasn't suffering today at all. It was no without its moments but I got exactly 18 done. I am covered in chaffe spots I never had chaffe before and I feel a little pukey, but I am holding my cookies down just fine. I will blog tomorrow about the run, and the after fun just as soon as I feel normal again. My head hurts a little. Can I say thank you God again? Cause I just did, it's even left me speechless....well for the moment anyway.

Song for the Oldsters(from miles 7,8,9): Paper Planes, M.I.A.

Hubbs

Tomorrow's 18. I am getting ready, I am getting excited to. I am tired of talking about the training, lets take a break and talk about hubbs.
Ryan, aka hubbs. We met on the internet. My call sign: Spamisgood. His call sign: RayFinkle21. I had never had spam before, and he was not 21. We became friends chatting. I was 16, he was 19. From close by we had never met before. I was allowed to meet him by my mom after a while, he came to our house to take me out. (this is nearly 15 years ago) He pulled up in the worst car I had ever seen, but he HAD a car. I watched him pick up his keys in the driveway, was he drunk? He showed up at my door wearing suede Vans, khaki cords, and a black t shirt with an enormous Tori Amos head on it. I saw him smile and it was all over, we were and instant couple.
A week later I remember riding beside him in that car hold his hand delirously in love. He leaned over "I love you honey". I gush, " I love you too". I totally meant it too, never been more sure of anything ever since. He asks, " Can I ask you something?" I reply, "anything.".With that same charming smile, "what's your last name?".
That was a real exchange of words, we laugh about it often. Sometimes the best things in our life are so simple and they don't have to be so studied and planned.We are a team and he's the greatest. We married 5 years after we met, we had a baby 5 years after that. now, our first baby is just about 4 and a half. We have 2 sons, 2 dogs, a hermit crab, a house...a family. Life is awesome.
I just want to take a moment to personally thank my husband for his love and support. His faith in me especially. I heard him tell the reporter months ago, "if there's anyone that can do it, it's her". When I called him to tell him what Dr. C said, he laughed out loud and said "that's great news!".  I love you so much. What ever happens tomorrow, I am still a lucky girl no matter what.

Our Wedding Song: Etta James, At Last

James 4:10

Today was a pretty bipolar run. I felt good great grand for 2 whole miles, not a twinge. Then my muscles/it band locked up, I limped, walked stretched then I shuffled on to complete 5 miles. I am soooo much slower than I was but If I am slow and steady I can continue comfortably.

The First 2 miles I smiled, I enjoyed, I rejoiced. Thank you lord. I so desperately wanted those 2 miles. at 2.1 ZINGH. Pain. despair. I have tried everything. The doctor said nothing to do but stop. What do I do? I don't want to go back home. I can't believe this. I continued on to walk for a mile, I stretched, and with a half a mile to the truck I decided I had had enough and I was running anyway, after all the doc said no permanent damage just pain. I started got the worst Zing, and actually grunted out loud UGGGGHHH, stopped for a walk in the turn and decided to shuffle to the truck and if my legs break then good. Slow and easy I felt a dull pull but not really a pain and I made it back to the truck and decided I would keep going. I got 5 total in,and I am still smiling. I wanted to keep going but I know I need to save my energy. The plan is 18 wednesday as a last ditched effort to continue. I am confident after I warm this up and suffer a mile or so I can tolerate. I am not doing anything crazy until then, just stretching and doing the pt exercises and the roller and ice and heat, oh yeah and one more thing Praying.
Yep Praying. I have always had faith in god. I have always known I am truely blessed. Sometimes I get so wrapped in my rut I forget who the true descion maker is. I came to realize this week, all I have left is my prayers and my faith. When a doctor says you will just have to deal with it if you want to keep going I looked to god. Turns out this whole thing (the world,life,everything) is here for a reason and so am I. This is teaching me. I posted my work out on Dailymile "prayer changes things" its just what stuck in my mind. As I flipped through Facebook this morning I saw James 4:10 posted: "Humble yourselves before the lord and he will lift you up". It certainly is true, I get the hint big guy.

I am smiling again. Smiling and so so grateful.

Jars of Clay, God Will Lift Up Your Head(going on the MFT playlist)

more about the appointment.

Since I am just getting a chance i'll tell you about the doc. Dr. C from Kenya (Ellwood City) an ortho sports medicine doctor is who I went to see on Friday. I felt like crying when I signed in. Its so hard for me to actually say, this hurts, I can't run, with out tears. So I think I did good getting through the intial interview with the assistant. Then she moved me over for an xray. In that waiting room I felt tears well up in my lids and I did the psycho blink and wave when nobody could see me. Then I was escorted back for an xray. 3 separate views. Thinking wow its probably really messed up. I was expecting something horrible. I got back to the exam room and the assistant asked me to actually sit on the table instead of the chair and I started sweating. I heard the doc on the other side of the wall looking at my xrays on the computer and I heard "WHAA...Aaaat? What she doing here?"paper ruffling muffled talking"OOOh I see". He comes in shakes my hand and asked me what's going on. I tell him I am training for a marathon and I hurt myself during a 16mile run. He asked how long I had been working on it, how many miles a week. Then he examined me, told me my quad was tight and listened to me talk about the pain when and where and how, and about my opinion on what it was. I was right. He said " I am not going to tell you to stop. I won't even make you do PT if you do your stretching right and and take care of yourself. ."
Now it goes with out saying that I was ready to throw down with him. I was ready to defend my runners spirit inside this sack of flab. He never said a word about that. And I was ready for him to tell me the race was over. He didn't. I still don't understand it. But I like the guy.
I did ask questions. My number one question, I want to be able to chase  my kids, and keep up forever. He told me not a longterm injury. Not even one that would lead to deterioration, just a shitload of discomfort. He had never seen an IT band running strap, but I showed him mine, I had it in my purse, he said to try it. He said if the massage helps to keep going.
Fort the record, my voice may have cracked during my rant, but I was a big girl and I didn't cry. Mainly because I was shocked that my XRays didn't show my leg fell off, and also because he thought I should be able to keep going. I am thinking...oh boy now what? How will I change the schedule...? This will be a hail Mary now.
I went for a massage Friday night, and I am going back next Friday. I have been stretching religiously since then. I must confess I spent my Saturday morning in my car. I went to a farther away running store just for a second opinion on my shoes, just to make sure I was in the right pair. I was told they were right on the money. Not that I didn't trust Lloyd but I knew that this other place had shoe inserts he didn't sell...and I wanted to make sure I asked as many people as possible, this is pain, we want it to go away so we dig for answers. But I'm still a Lloyd's girl.
At work last night I was pretty busy, every chance I got on the stairs I walked down and up the to strengthen. I was stretching in the bathroom when in there to not receive the "eyebrow".
Tomorrow I am running for the first time in 7 days. I am praying. Just praying.
Trying to remember that this could be so much worse and no matter what it will not be the end of the world. So I am going to resolve to relax and just give it my toughest try. That's all I can do.

Journey, Don't Stop Believing

Shell shocked

I am home from my appt. I only got a moment to state the facts. I AM still in the race of this minute. I am NOT to run until monday. It IS IT band syndrome. NO he didn't yell at me for being fat or doing this length of a race. And NO he didn't not tell me to stop. He didn't give me a shot. He didn't prescribe PT he feels I am doing all the right things, he says its a matter of how much pain I can take. This will not effect my walking for the rest of my life as I origionally thought. This will stop when I stop running and rest. Basically he said it has nothing to do with my joint its bone pain and I can't snap off my IT band so just deal with it. I am really OVERWHELMED by this verdict. I was not expecting it. I am looking at as much as I can from everyone that I can even my shoe choice. Going back for another painful massage asap too. I don't have a minute to truely feel anything I am just shocked, shocked and thankful to GOD.
Pass the BenGay my friends, its not over yet!

Love Hurts, Nazareth

Tomorrow we find out

I haven't tried to run or exercise since Monday. The first 2 days of rest, I have felt every muscle in my body. I mean really even my hair hurt. Every bone, every skin cell just hurt. I can't tell if that was psychosomatic or if I just got inflamed everywhere. Saturday after my limpy attempt to muscle through the pain, I admit I laid in my bed an cried all morning. Monday I tried again, hoping a knee brace was all I needed. I came home, barely sweaty and depressed. I have cried a couple of times but I am not as depressed as I was. I went out in public a couple times in the last week really looking rough. I showed up to work Saturday with puffy swollen eyes. I am now understanding this isn't going to change anything, because now its not my call. I am not a doctor. I gave all of my heart to this endeavor I truly did and I can't do any more than that.
Yesterday you can imagine I was sad. I love Wednesday. I love long day. This was not hard to me it was pure love until I got hurt. My mom kept her standing date with my boys and took them for the day. I went shopping-all.day.long. I didn't want to be home. I don't want to see all my shoes, my gym bag, my water bottles all that crap is taking over my house. After all I did miss 18 miles.  I wandered around observing things, and people and I was quiet. It's good therapy sometimes to just listen to the world, and since I've had kids its just never quiet. I went to stores I hadn't been to in ages, I have only been buying fitness gear this year really. It was like crawling out from under a rock of sorts.
I even went looking for finds at goodwill and salvation army thrift store(kids use up clothing fast). I came across a Pittsburgh Marathon shirt, really, how sadly dissapointing. Someone felt their actual marathon shirt was something they didn't want.....sigh....time to go to the checkout I'm done. If I EVER get my marathon shirt it will never leave the house. Even if it becomes a rag(fat chance) it's staying with me!
I do feel better mentally and physically. I am just floating along like a lump o crap at this point until I meet the doctor tomorrow. I know of the conversation we will have, I am sure it will have to do something with heavy runners and injury. I doubt there is some chance he's rooting for me. I am prepared for whatever.  If its a go I'm rested and ready. If its a stop I will resolve to get stronger and thinner until I can try again. The marathon will remain on the dream list always. I will blog his findings to you my friends tomorrow, I never say it but thank you for following me. I really mean it, anybody in a game does better with people cheering for them.

Song for my Blog Readers: Nothing Left to Loose, Mat Kearney

My name is Amanda, and it has been 12 days since my last awesome.

Well I'm not better. Since the 16miler my knee doesn't like running. I have stretched. I have foam rolled. I got a massage. That was enough to get me through 8 miles super slow paced. Then The next 2 runs have been excrement. I made it 2 miles on Saturday, only one mile for before pain and a walk break. Pretty much the same this morning, I though a brace may help and tried that. It really doesn't help either way.  Something in the leg is angry. I am falling behind in my training. I am going to have to just take deep breaths here and accept I can't change this for the time being. I called a doctor. I have an appointment Friday morning. No running, or exercise until I get the low down. Hopefully I have 9 lives and I can't get shit out of a turnip.
I got a shitload of emotions right now and I have since my problems started. I haven't been talking about it because every time I speak up someone asks me to stop the madness. I am not going to be silent. I feel like I am annoying everyone in my little team circle. I have been boohooing to the Kenyan, Hubby and El for days and I am wearing them out. All of them have been awesome about it, listening, and so forth its just my opinion that I am wearing them out I guess.. I just need to type it out and release it unto the world.
I got fear right now. Fear of not getting to my start line that's been there since I signed up, but it's getting fatter and uglier. Also fear of not running anymore-unspeakable bumming. . I got grief right now too, grief incase I can't get there, grief because I feel like I've failed. I am pretty sad. Sad because I really did enjoy it, and apart from a few love boo-boo's it was never like this.  I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by possibly telling people the race MIGHT be off, especially the ones closest to me. Also overwhelmed at trying to switch my schedule if I can make it, and overwhelmed with trying to pick up the pieces if I can't.  Still trying to be positive, the phrase Never Give UP comes to mind and brings me down lower. I miss the snowy track, I miss feeling invincible even if I was a bulky big person I was running-my dream.
I don't want this to be the end, I know I have sounded pretty down before but its pretty bleak at this point. I haven't smiled during a run for 12 days, I know I'm doing it wrong.

sigh song: Never Say Never, The Fray

A day away

I spent the day after my 8 miler at Kennywood with the kids and my mom and brother.(Hubbs out of town-boo!) It was a good idea. I was initially worried about the plans because its after a long run, but really it didn't make much difference, I guess I can take more than I thought. I put on my old 2160's for the day and my knee loosened up at some point during the day and I forgot about it for a while. I think I am going to run the next run on those and see if they make a difference.
 
The day was rainy but it didn't take away from the kids excitement. They had the best time, even my baby Jude wanted to ride all the kiddie rides with his brother. I pushed the jogger all over the park at least 3 times full of baby. We played games, we had tantrums, we bought crap. I must confess I ate coffee Dip'N Dots- called 40 below Joe, it was and is my reason for being there and coming back. And I sampled some crap food too, I ate potato patch fries- grease sticks, and a deep fried oreo-the fart maker. I got to hear my brother get excited like a kid(rarity) and my mom laugh at me hysterically.

In the family restroom my mom, me, and the kids were all getting changed and taking turns on the pot. I whipped out a travel deodorant while my but was against the door, the kids kept trying to open it and flash Meemaw to the world, I opened it and all the deodorant popped out onto the floor. The laugh my mom let out was priceless. I then picked it up off the floor, said "a marathoner in Kennywood must do what they will" and used it anyway before I flipped it into the trash and missed. Raise an eyebrow if you will but it was HUMID and I spoil easily.

The highlight of the day was actually at the end when I got to take my big kid, Miles on the Log Jammer ride. I had no idea how he would react because I have seen him try to climb out before at Waldemere with Ryan while I watched. What a difference a year makes. I held on to him and I could feel his little heart beating. He was pretty quiet down the first hill then the put both arms up and yelled "THAT'S AWESOME! YES! YES! YES!" When we got out he ran and jumped yelled. So I decided we weren't wet enough, I took him to the other end of the park and we got on the Pittsburgh Plunge twice in the front row. He can't stop talking about it it. It really did make my day, I can't wait until Jude is big enough to ride too.

Fun Song: ABC, Jackson 5

big bottom lip

So I made it through eight. I was worried the whole time. I had to stretch and take a few walk breaks. My pace to me seems terrible. but I made it. Considering going back to my less softer shoes.
Now going to Kennywood to not be bummed all day.
I don't have much to say. Thank goodness everythings still okay, being patient.  Thankful.

Each Tear, Mary J Blige

Testing testing 123

added a new widget....disregard

Rub me

So I got a massage last night. I was super embarassing for me to lay down and let someone else other than hubs take a crack at the dimply vein bags but we are getting into serious territory here, if it will help the pain during the long runs we do it. He spent an entire hour on just my lets and hips and glutes. It hurt appropriately but I walked out feeling better.
I have a lifting work out planned, right now I am feeling sore from the beat down so I will not be going crazy, with 8 miles for tomorrow, but I will at least do arms, back and abs and then I'll test waters with legs.

Attached is a pic from the weekend, I did nada running but Besty decided to skip town and take my nail with her. Delicious I know....at least my beds are still there, my first one I lost is back enough to trim again. 


Lenny Kravis, It Aint Over Til Its Over

Shh-IT band

So I didn't run saturday. I took a rest because my knee although not in constant pain, was still making me aware of it. I wanted to conserve and heal a bit. On sunday, I began my rest induced panic and eventually broke down and asked for help. I consulted my sister in law the therapist- as we read on don't we see the pattern? Ha. I get a little hurt, I don't talk about it, I go nuts, I breakdown and tell her, and she gives me advice. I also consulted my running friends, who are awesome, I am suprised at this stage of the game they even want to talk to me, I am sick of me really. Everyone is so good to me, I really have a good support system. Turns out the knee pain is IT band syndrome. Its from over use but there are things to help it. First I got my foam roller, 20 dollar mega pool noodle of sorts. looks to be a pretty benign P.O.S., that is until you use it. The first time I used it, I almost threw up, that hurts and then when you stand up you feel pretty normal for awhile. Apparently I am so tight I will be spending a lot of time on the glorified noodle. I am reading about all of this garbage still, but I did see this is a runable injury, it just takes care and finesse. I am going to make an appointment for a massage, I need someone to hurt me good and hard. And I will be doing wieght training to get stronger, I have been a little lax about it lately because I keep gaining weight, I am feeling a bit stoopid now, duh.
 I ran today first time since wednesday and my knee. I did 3 very conservative miles. I didn't have my garmin turned on cause the battery died, didn't realize until it was time to take off so I took it for a run for fashion only. I stuck to the track because its pretty flat and that's one thing I read about IT band. I went both ways for the even wear feel. I got a lot of disaproving wrinkly faces- you know there is no posted signs about a direction so get over it! Seriously I will do everything I have to do to prevent pain, so save your energy and go eat some prunes. I felt my knee the whole way but it wasn't a hurting feeling more like a tightness. By the time I completed 3 I felt really good and wanted to keep on going but I felt being conservative is more responsible until I stretch it more and get a massage and read a bit more, after all I am scheduled 8 wednesday.
I am encouraged that this is something manageable.*implied- Serenity Prayer*

Jason Mraz, Sunshine Song