I haven't tried to run or exercise since Monday. The first 2 days of rest, I have felt every muscle in my body. I mean really even my hair hurt. Every bone, every skin cell just hurt. I can't tell if that was psychosomatic or if I just got inflamed everywhere. Saturday after my limpy attempt to muscle through the pain, I admit I laid in my bed an cried all morning. Monday I tried again, hoping a knee brace was all I needed. I came home, barely sweaty and depressed. I have cried a couple of times but I am not as depressed as I was. I went out in public a couple times in the last week really looking rough. I showed up to work Saturday with puffy swollen eyes. I am now understanding this isn't going to change anything, because now its not my call. I am not a doctor. I gave all of my heart to this endeavor I truly did and I can't do any more than that.
Yesterday you can imagine I was sad. I love Wednesday. I love long day. This was not hard to me it was pure love until I got hurt. My mom kept her standing date with my boys and took them for the day. I went shopping-all.day.long. I didn't want to be home. I don't want to see all my shoes, my gym bag, my water bottles all that crap is taking over my house. After all I did miss 18 miles. I wandered around observing things, and people and I was quiet. It's good therapy sometimes to just listen to the world, and since I've had kids its just never quiet. I went to stores I hadn't been to in ages, I have only been buying fitness gear this year really. It was like crawling out from under a rock of sorts.
I even went looking for finds at goodwill and salvation army thrift store(kids use up clothing fast). I came across a Pittsburgh Marathon shirt, really, how sadly dissapointing. Someone felt their actual marathon shirt was something they didn't want.....sigh....time to go to the checkout I'm done. If I EVER get my marathon shirt it will never leave the house. Even if it becomes a rag(fat chance) it's staying with me!
I do feel better mentally and physically. I am just floating along like a lump o crap at this point until I meet the doctor tomorrow. I know of the conversation we will have, I am sure it will have to do something with heavy runners and injury. I doubt there is some chance he's rooting for me. I am prepared for whatever. If its a go I'm rested and ready. If its a stop I will resolve to get stronger and thinner until I can try again. The marathon will remain on the dream list always. I will blog his findings to you my friends tomorrow, I never say it but thank you for following me. I really mean it, anybody in a game does better with people cheering for them.
Song for my Blog Readers: Nothing Left to Loose, Mat Kearney
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