My name is Amanda, and it has been 12 days since my last awesome.

Well I'm not better. Since the 16miler my knee doesn't like running. I have stretched. I have foam rolled. I got a massage. That was enough to get me through 8 miles super slow paced. Then The next 2 runs have been excrement. I made it 2 miles on Saturday, only one mile for before pain and a walk break. Pretty much the same this morning, I though a brace may help and tried that. It really doesn't help either way.  Something in the leg is angry. I am falling behind in my training. I am going to have to just take deep breaths here and accept I can't change this for the time being. I called a doctor. I have an appointment Friday morning. No running, or exercise until I get the low down. Hopefully I have 9 lives and I can't get shit out of a turnip.
I got a shitload of emotions right now and I have since my problems started. I haven't been talking about it because every time I speak up someone asks me to stop the madness. I am not going to be silent. I feel like I am annoying everyone in my little team circle. I have been boohooing to the Kenyan, Hubby and El for days and I am wearing them out. All of them have been awesome about it, listening, and so forth its just my opinion that I am wearing them out I guess.. I just need to type it out and release it unto the world.
I got fear right now. Fear of not getting to my start line that's been there since I signed up, but it's getting fatter and uglier. Also fear of not running anymore-unspeakable bumming. . I got grief right now too, grief incase I can't get there, grief because I feel like I've failed. I am pretty sad. Sad because I really did enjoy it, and apart from a few love boo-boo's it was never like this.  I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by possibly telling people the race MIGHT be off, especially the ones closest to me. Also overwhelmed at trying to switch my schedule if I can make it, and overwhelmed with trying to pick up the pieces if I can't.  Still trying to be positive, the phrase Never Give UP comes to mind and brings me down lower. I miss the snowy track, I miss feeling invincible even if I was a bulky big person I was running-my dream.
I don't want this to be the end, I know I have sounded pretty down before but its pretty bleak at this point. I haven't smiled during a run for 12 days, I know I'm doing it wrong.

sigh song: Never Say Never, The Fray