I am going to turn 30 sunday. When I do its going to be another day. The sun will rise and set as it always does. Why do I feel soooo bad? Its just a number right? not to me. Its a kick in the nuts. I am seriously in danger of being one of those chicks that lies about it. When did I stop being young? I know I am not anymore(probably when i got preggers) but I can't pinpoint exactly when i started going out in public looking scarry and not caring. And probably longer since the opposite sex even turned up an eyebrow. Damn thats rough. So I am feeling probably more depressed than I should as you read on. My shoes are filling with cement.
I have been in a major holding patter with my weight this week, probably because I have been running too much. Last night when I got home I was really hurting bad. I was even a little teary. Felt stupid for starting this page, for trying to run, and for giving myself a weight loss deadline. Cause I am stuck at 201.4. Well I was. 200.1 Its sooooo close. I have to remember to eat today, cause i don't want to eat at all now. but i will gain if i don't eat. Definatley no extra anything though, its go time. I only have til sunday morning. I don't know if I will, do I think I can, not really. But I am not giving up til its time to sing. (get it cause i'm the fat laday). I am going to give it all my all and it is what it is sunday morning. Then I will want some cake. Not a big piece, but I deserve something of the chocolate persuasion for these shinanigans.
come sunday, I hope my hard work is enough for me to feel okay to get out of bed reguardless of the scale.
Saturday race: This is for all the people that think I can't do it. Especially me.
I know you can finish the race, and I'm confident you'll reach the weight goal too. I don't know weather to tell you that, (or say you can't for extra motivation) but i know you can do it.
ReplyDeleteI'll be there at the finish line, both of them.
I love you honey.
P.S. should i bring a scale to the race? ;)