Why I am the way I are...

Well this is basically not about my training more of an talk. At the doctors the other day, a large man entered the door and my oldest said "he's fat mommy". My heart sank. This was probably my fault. I am the one who may have used that terminology in front of him more than anyone else. I explained to him what he said meant, and that it would hurt that man's feelings. I am sure he heard it too. I was ashamed of myself for failing my kid, and hurting that poor man's feelings. 
This draws me back to being a kid myself, how did I come to even care? Being a woman, there is a standard placed on all of us that some will never reach. I remember being a very young child and play mates telling me a was the fattest girl on earth.  Am I mad? Never, just a fact of life they were kids too. I also remember my brother countless attacks because it worked on upsetting me. Did he mean to hurt me, no not the way it did.(my brother is one of my biggest fans now) I was told my a male adult in my life at the age of 10 to suck in my gut constantly. (not my dad, not in my life anymore either)
As I became a woman the body image got worse. Trying to fit in is so hard when you don't look like everyone else. I didn't have a lot of cool clothes because I didn't fit them. Dressing rooms often places of tears.  Gym class was so stressful, to have to take off my clothes in front of girl who were so normal. Don't get me started on boys, until they all became interested in boobs, I was off the radar. My mom had struggled my entire life with this also, she would diet and try to get me to join her. I wanted to, but I was so ashamed I couldn't get past being a teenager.
When I met hubby I was overweight, he loved me anyway. I was instantly in love and gained a good bit and he never noticed. I went up and down, smoked and not smoked he has NEVER noticed. He's always been awesome. That's unconditional love people, and it has saved me from hurting myself with an eating disorder, its just saved me period. I don't like to think what life would be like without having met him.

I really wanted my kids to be sensitive to this, thanking god they aren't girls, I still want them to understand how fragile and insecure this can make you. I know he's still 3 for like 2 more weeks but he already hurt someone's feelings! He almost cried after I explained it. We talked about god loving everyone the way they are. And also about how some cannot help the way they look. I need to remember to watch my step, not with just them but anywhere. Over half of our country is overweight or obese. My guess is the overwieght portion 99.9% feel really bad about themselves and how others percieve them and treat them. There is a sort of racism or even a type of bullying I think. People think its funny because they are warped for some reason. It's an addiction side effect, a side effect of poor knowledge, or even a side effect of poverty (healthy shit is expensive). This country is in trouble, these people are hurting, and its not a joke. I am not for people just remaining obese, it needs to be controlled, but in the same breath, I WOULD NEVER TEAR DOWN ANYONE emotionally because of the condition of their health. We are all humans, you don't become a laughing stock when you fall off the wagon. Acceptance is deserved to everyone no matter who you are..If you ever went through this you would understand.

Kelly Clarkson, Because of You