10days to go

The countdown starts. Today I weigh 168. BOOOOOOO. 
I have gotten down to 159 but it involved a colonscopy and laxatives. But I have been holding 165. I have managed to eat and stress up to 168. I am pissed. At me mainly. I am at the actual best shape of my life- ever. I am a size 8 dress, size 10 jeans, size small or medium workout clothes, I think I am huge lard ass. I need to snap out of this. I know marathon can do this. I knew it would that was one of the reasons I didn't want to do another full for awhile. I am hungry all the time. Why am I not enjoying how far I've come. Now I am not so much dieting but I am watching and recording everything. I am eating whenever I feel hungry but I am pissed off, everywhere I go I have healthy snacks like apples and protien crap but I am ready to stop the maddness! This is the hard part of training for me. I feel like I am undoing everything. BULLSHIT. 
I will get there someday to 155. Probably not by race day. Me and all my extra butts are going to run 26.2. I REFUSE to gain anymore, but again I am not dieting.  I sit here typing this in my 'skinny' pants, this scale has got me upset. I am going to blow a microchip. only because for years I let the mirror lie to me while the scale told the truth. If it's the other way around, muscle/fat argument than whatever I still feel like I have let myself go.

today is a Limp bizkit day. I recommend Break Stuff.