Stages of me, Part 3: a fighter is born

I did start dieting as soon as I weened my last baby. I started a liquid diet that was rough but I did loose 20lbs in something like a month. I was feeling better about myself. I was making a point to try and dress myself, and wear make up. I was really into the make up too, it was like my mask. It wasn't a lot, but it was the only thing I could do to look like I was dressed. All of my clothes looked like pajamas.
This is the time when I had my famous run in with the insurance company, when I got a physical and they put an adendum on my policy to make it cheaper IF I could loose some wieght. I have to say yeah it did make me angry enough to do something about it. I mean really angry. But now, I feel as if I should thank those people, after all they were only doing their jobs and it probably wasn't easy for them either. At this stage I felt like I was doing enough to help myself, but they helped me realize just how grave my situation was. It made me scared for my life, and afraid that these two little guys we just made might grow up with out a mother, or worse be embarrassed of her. I didn't want to teach them to be like me. I wanted them to do whatever they had to do, that anything is possible if they wanted it bad enough, and quitting was not an option.  That night after the phone call and the signing of adendum with much tears I declared war. I informed Ryan when he got home from work in the evenings I was going for a walk and he was going to have to deal with the kids - he never protested ever, he thought it was a great idea. I plugged some Fall Out Boy in my ears and I went for a walk. This became an everynight occurance that summer, sometimes i went with spit up all over, but I still went and I realized I was becoming happier. I dyed my hair a close to natural as possible, I was tired to trying to be something I wasn't, not to mention I didn't have time anymore! I didn't want to be the girl I was, I changed everything forever.

I have talked about being heckled before. This is when it happened. It was July/August-ish and I dared to wear shorts in a million degree heat with soup humidity. Some punk kids yelled things that were horrible, and then turned around and drove back so they could do it one more time. I have gone over how much that hurt. It left a scar that reminds me to keep going no matter what, and to be positive towards others that have courage to try. That is when my music turned angry too for a long time, started by my husband who never let me quit when it seemed like a good idea. If you ever heckle me, know I have already cursed you out with my tunes and you get the stone face, no reaction I am not wasting my effort on you.
The first time we measured me I had already lost a good bit of weight, but it was time to become accountable. 6/25/2009 is the first date in the spreadsheet Ryan kept for me. These were my measurements: Neck 15, Upper arm left, 17, upper arm right 16, bust 48, rib cage 44, waist 48, abdomen 6" below waist 52, butt 54, upper thigh left 31, upper thigh right 30, calf left 19, calf right 20, upper knee left 24, upper knee right 23. That's a grand total of 441. My weight on that day was 256.  Letting Ryan be my score keeper was huge for me, I never ever ever told him how much I weighed. I was being honest with someone, and it was really working.
Pictures are of a wedding when Jude was about 6 weeks old, around the same time we took the kids to a park with a furry animal character, and the last pic is of the first day I became brunette. :)

Song: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner, Fall Out Boy