Any love comes with pain...right?

Warning I am in a bad mood: If you don't like swears don't read on today.
So trying a 3 mile run in 80 degree heat, the night after you had 3 glasses of wine, and along with pms is NOT going to yield and decent running. I am hurting, and I feel like a slow fatty fat fat. I have been dragging since my birthday. Feeling just tired in general, and wornout. The Big 30 challenge kicked my butt.
I really wanted to run the 3 mile tonight, I had to walk more than I would like. Some times I want to say piss on this crap, it hurts and I am not good at it. I feel like maybe I should get a hobby where I just slam in to a wall over and over and it would probably feel the same. I don't know what I am thinking sometimes. I definately don't belong in a pack of stone cold runners. My legs are stubby, my feet are huge like flippers and we don't even need to talk about my sparetire belly. I guess thats why I do it though, I don't fit in, and anyone who thinks I can't make it can get the finger cause I always make it, eventually. I really need to thank god for my legs, and the ability to try to run. I see so many others at work that don''t have that, they make me work harder and they make me grateful.
Goals this week:
Pick another race to look forward to, buy a book about running.
wow I guess I didn't swear enough for the disclamer, sorry here you go: damn it, shit, piss, ass, asshat, turds, bastards.

race results

I was 79th of 130ppl. With a time of 37.10. I am definatley doing this again soon. I could have done waaaay better had I peed. Dude I wrote 29 on my race form, they put me at 24 so I ran in their catergory! I was 5th in my age group if you count it right.

I am done being technical about that, I totally could have done better, I will next time. I am going to research another 5k for the summer this week. it shall be up soon.....

The big 30 challenge--RESULT

WHAAAAAT? yup 198.6. I did it. I don't believe it.
Its been years since I have had a 1 in front of my wieght! Craziness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in shock. shockyshockshock.
I have to go get ready for work but I had to tell you first!
Its going to be a great day even if its crazy!
whodat?!

I did it.

So I finished my first race and I really learned a lot.
Lesson 1: pee first. Its not just nervousness, you should pee. I ran the whole stinking 5k with a full bladder.
Lesson 2: pick tight clothing. I had pants that kept falling down. They were tight pants too but when running they will fall down.
Lession 3: Focus is important. I kept looking around, forgetting to breathe.
I had fun though met some cool new people. Ryan and Miles were at the finish, but I ran right past them, they were looking down. I haven't looked up my time yet its not up on the website last time I checked but it was right around 37 min. Just think if I peed first, even faster.
so since my boys didn't get to see me finish a race, i will be doing another one this summer.
wiegh in is tomorrow. we'll see if i met the 30 goal......
win loose or draw i did all i could....

SOOOOO CLOSE

I am going to turn 30 sunday. When I do its going to be another day. The sun will rise and set as it always does. Why do I feel soooo bad? Its just a number right? not to me. Its a kick in the nuts. I am seriously in danger of being one of those chicks that lies about it. When did I stop being young? I know I am not anymore(probably when i got preggers) but I can't pinpoint exactly when i started going out in public looking scarry and not caring. And probably longer since the opposite sex even turned up an eyebrow. Damn thats rough. So I am feeling probably more depressed than I should as you read on. My shoes are filling with cement.
I have been in a major holding patter with my weight this week, probably because I have been running too much. Last night when I got home I was really hurting bad. I was even a little teary. Felt stupid for starting this page, for trying to run, and for giving myself a weight loss deadline. Cause I am stuck at 201.4. Well I was. 200.1 Its sooooo close. I have to remember to eat today, cause i don't want to eat at all now. but i will gain if i don't eat. Definatley no extra anything though, its go time. I only have til sunday morning. I don't know if I will, do I think I can, not really. But I am not giving up til its time to sing. (get it cause i'm the fat laday). I am going to give it all my all and it is what it is sunday morning. Then I will want some cake. Not a big piece, but I deserve something of the chocolate persuasion for these shinanigans.
come sunday, I hope my hard work is enough for me to feel okay to get out of bed reguardless of the scale.
Saturday race: This is for all the people that think I can't do it. Especially me.

I'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready

Tomorrow night is my last run before the race. I can do this. I am really excited, and nervous. I keep typing that over and over. So I looked up The Great Race in pittsburgh, its the end of sept every year and its 10k or 5k. I am going to do 10k but not this year, next year. And get this, there is a "heavy weight" competition if i weigh over 140lbs, i am eligible to win over the 'fat' people. Dude- if I weighed 141 I would run the race in a bikini. There defintion of fat is f'ed up. I still want to run that race though. I wonder if they have an morbidly obese competition, lol. I could do that now... just saying I could smoke people my same weight righ now. I am the lightning of fattness.

song suggestion for your playlist- BOB outkast, good for running

woot.

Tonight I had an awesome run. 3.10miles in 36 min, after my half hour with Tracy the professional buttkicker. I am getting focused to race. I am nooooot a contender to win, oh hahahaha hell no. But I will be able to do it if I can just remember to breathe. I also went and drove the course I will be running saturday. If I am correct, nice run. If I am wrong there will be more hills than I thought.
I am so glad I read running tips online last week, I am icing my legs when I am done and its really helping the serious pain I am getting in my shins. I know what that is.....grrrrr. I don't care. If I run on the treadmils at the gym I dont feel it as much. If I ran once a week this probably wouldn't be an issue. Just think by this time next year< when I drop another fifty pounds, 10k will be attainable.
My dad told me today when I was 5 he ran the great race in pittsburgh. Its 10k, this might be worth investigating. I would love to run the same race 25 years later, but I don't even know if they have them anymore.
I will post pictures of the road kill saturday(me).