I knew today was going to be humid. I saw in my running groups, people bailing on their outdoor runs today for a/c treadmills. Feeling less than stellar lungs this made me nervous. I have been having little problems with my lungs all week, I have been taking my singular pill that I hate to take because it's preventative. Lacing up this morning while its still dark, I look up at the news heat index today of 107. I arrived at the track a first light, I was the first one there. I am thinking get this over with it's only 8, then you can go home and have some carbs. The fog never lifted. It was misty and thick and at mile 5 I had to stop walk puff and then slowly work back into it, but I will say I am just happy to be ok. Because this run scared me.
I have anxiety, I won't pretend to be fearless. My kids are a major source, I want to be the best mom I can be. I don't want them to be hurt, and I want to do right by them always. Another source, Hubbs, he travels I want him safe and around forever too. I could go on typing all day about what makes me nervous. A big fear, actually its dying and leaving my kids without me. I drive carefully but sometimes I fear I'll never come home. I also run with my inhaler on a one mile loop track right next to the E.M.S. garage, because I have asthma. I know I can't live my life in fear or all I would ever do is worry. Running is great for anxiety, not so much for the asthma. I can't believe I only had to use the inhaler once. I am always thinking about safety with that in my mind, I still have to make it home for them.
I just felt like crying when I got home, so after my mom left, I did.
Blinded By The Light, Manfred Mann's Earth Band
(I know what it's about, but it settles me into my run because its too off the wall to understand.)
Awwww, I was actually thinking about you yesterday. I started Taebo classes last Monday and it's kicking my ass - but I'm sticking with it and won't quit! I needed my inhaler and it bounced across the floor and fell apart. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteOf course I pick the hottest effing week of the past decade to do this, right? My asthma is off the charts, I'm dehydrated to the point of vomiting today, but oddly enough, I LOVE it! :)
I'm the biggest worrier on the planet - I watch Glenn's flights via flight tracker, I call everyone in my family when I hear there's an accident anywhere. I'm neurotic beyond words.
Maybe I'll start running once I get back into shape. We can compare who has more issues. ;)
You're hysterical Paula, you gave me a little smile. I'll be waiting for that run...
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