2.

So this morning was my final training run. It was dark the entire time, with a decent bit of moonlight left from monday's full moon, absolutely picturesc for a tool like me.
I got up at 4:30 and laid in bed with my eyes tightly shut trying to force sleep until 5:30am. I gave up and rolled out around 5. I put on my least favorite everything. The pants with a hole, the bra that rubs, my oogly old balegas that are mudstained, my least fav sweaty band, because the good pants and stuff are for the race.
After I suit up and get out the door I stepped on to the porch and stepped back in the house. Sheeeez its cold! Put on a good ol' hoody with thumbholes, and braved the chill.
I got down to the track a few minutes earlier than usual, all by myself. I get out and start, the moonlight was the perfect compliment to the 5 street lights the park has. I only had one ear bud in, I could hear the leaves crunch under my feet, and the creek rushing along beside me. As I go I think really nothing except its cold and very very beautiful. I controlled my legs, trying not to get hurt, my heart has been protesting this self-control.  The light shone through the trees so perfectly I was actually leaping from moonbeam to moonbeam. I negotiated speed for distance. My book says last run should be 20minutes, I added another mile because I needed to say goodbye. I touched the white line marker with my foot knowing it was the last mile I was training, I can say it was a mixed feeling. Awesome, with fear, anxiety, sadness, happiness, pride, so much I can't even touch with words. My emotions were thick like fog but I kept going. I enjoyed every step. I actually huffed out words out loud with Ben Folds, singing Philosophy. I can't believe its over, and I'm going to the starting line of a marathon. Perfect Mile kept going with Cinderella Man, by Eminem, I love that song! I slowed down on purpose, I don't want to forget how this feels. I don't want the sun to come up, I don't want to say goodbye. Somehow as much as I fought it I seemed to go faster and come to the end faster than I ever wanted to. My foot touched the white line and I stopped. Its over. I didn't cry then. I stretched by the table and watched the steam come off my body. Its cool I look like a smoldering beast, I like it anyway. I looked back, sighed and got in the truck. Thinking about it now, Its a perfect place to train because I still have the memory of walking there after Jude was born, looking at the runners and realizing my soul wanted to run even if my body couldn't. Now I run my last mile pre-marathon there, mind I didn't cry there today.
I got home, hubbs is in the kitchen when I get in the door, "How was it?". Now at this point I cried. "I can't believe it's over, I'm sad." Yeah I am twisted, I loved training for this. Everything about it.
Tomorrow morning we are packing up everyone to go to their respective sleep-overs, kids and dogs then we are leaving for Erie. If I don't go right to sleep I am hitting myself in the head with a frying pan and knocking myself out!

Ben Folds Live, Philosophy
http://youtu.be/UWzY1o-mJRw